Kissing Fire.

That New Year’s Eve and the few days to come were probably some of the best of my entire life. Harry and I were better than ever and I never wanted it to end.

That New Year’s Eve was two years ago.

Crazy, right?

Harry and I had been broken up for about a year.

Even crazier, isn’t it?

I hadn’t spoken to him since the day of the breakup, and almost the same could be said for the rest of the boys. Minus Zayn, of course. He was the only one who still made an effort to talk to me. I don’t think the other boys hated me or anything. I’m sure they would have talked to me if I called or texted. But Zayn was really the only one I talked to anymore.

Wanna hear something else pretty crazy?

Marina moved to London about the same week Harry and I broke up. You can imagine what a masterpiece I was at that time. The move was rough for the both of us. It still kind of was. I mean, she was my best friend. We lived together, for Christ’s sake. And then she was just. Gone. Of course I was happy for her and everything. I mean, she was doing it to better her relationship with Niall and they were still going strong, bless them. Maybe that’s what broke me and Harry. It’s hard to tell, really. Everything was so blurred anymore.

“I wish you were here,” I murmured into the phone on that New Year’s Eve. A small sigh came down the line before Marina answered,

“I know, love. I really miss you. Maybe you could come visit?”

“Mm, if I can ever get off work. Things have really exploded for Amanda and we’ve got clients out the ass anymore.” Suddenly there was a loud ruckus and I could only assume that the boys had arrived at her place for the evening’s festivities. Someone must have asked if she was talking to me because suddenly there was a loud chorus of “Hi, Emerson!”.

“Hi, boys!” I chirped into the phone, before Marina relayed the message. There was some muffled talking then and soon Marina was letting out a low sigh.

“Harry, uhm...wants to know how you’re doing,” she finally squeaked out. I bit my lip as my eyes fluttered closed briefly. How dare he.

“Tell him to go to hell,” I finally spat.

“She says she’s fine, thanks!” I heard Marina call to Harry.

“That’s not what I said, Marina!” I barked back down the phone, only to have her hastily reply,

“Well I’m not going to tell him that!”

“What did she say?” I heard Harry call and I was praying that Marina would just man up and deliver my message.

“Oh, it’s nothing, Harry. Don’t worry, darling.” But of course she wouldn’t. Why would she?
Suddenly my front door swung open.

“I’ve gotta go Marina, Rob just got here.”

“Blech, have fun with that.”

“Goodbye, Marina.”

I ended the call before traipsing into the living room and draping my arms around the taller man’s neck. He pressed a hard kiss to my lips, pulling my body in close and holding me there for a few long moments.

“Hi, babe,” he breathed, releasing me and heading for the bedroom. I waited patiently for him in the living room, just as I did every time he came over. “Have you started dinner?” He called from the other room.

“No, I was thinking we could go out since- oh.” My words fell flat as he reentered the living room, dressed in a vneck and sweatpants. “Maybe not.”

“Em, I’ve been working all day and now you want to go out on one of the busiest nights of the year? You’re crazy,” he practically spat, and I was quick to mentally reprimand myself.

“No, you’re right. That was silly of me. I’ll just go start something now. Was there anything in particular you wanted?” I bit my lip as I nervously gazed across the room at him. I was hoping he wouldn’t be too upset if I gave him the choice.

“Well I wanted something that was going to be ready when I got here since I’m exhausted, but clearly that was stupid. Whatever, just make some pasta or something.” His eyes never met mine as he dropped himself onto the couch and flipped on the TV. I took that as my cue to leave and quickly made my way to the kitchen to start dinner.

My relationship with Rob could only be described as interesting. Rob Buchanan was a twenty-eight year old, rather well known doctor in New York City. We’d met about a month after Harry and I had split. I was working a charity fashion show for the hospital he worked at that Amanda was styling. We’d shared a few drinks and spent most of the night talking, hitting it off right away. At the end of the night we exchanged numbers and he asked me to dinner shortly after. Things snowballed rather quickly and after only a week he’d asked me to be his girlfriend. Things were never difficult with Rob at first. His job paid good money, so a lot of our time was spent at fancy restaurants. He bought anything I thought I wanted and the sex was sensational. Honestly, I never saw myself with a man that was too much older than me, but Rob was incredible. My parents loved him and he said he loved me, and I felt I loved him, too. And then, about a week before my twenty-second birthday, he proposed in Central Park. And I accepted.

Marina was astounded when I told her the news. In all honesty, she had never been Rob’s biggest fan. Yes, okay, so Rob had a bit of a short temper. He got upset over small things, like me not having dinner ready. But he was good to me in every other aspect so I suppose I overlooked it. I mean, a lot of people had short tempers. It was something that could be worked with. Rob wasn’t a bad guy.

Dinner was ready soon, so I quickly set the table, grabbing a bottle of red from the fridge and placing it on the table with all of the food. I called Rob in and he was quick to enter the room. I shot him a nervous smile, and a grin broke out on his face before he crossed the small kitchen and pulled me into his arms, planting a passionate kiss on my lips.

“I’m sorry I snapped earlier, baby. It was just a hectic day at work,” he murmured before kissing me once again and then moving to the table.

“No, it’s okay, sweetheart. I should have known you would want to stay in. I know this isn’t your favorite holiday or anything.” He nodded in response before starting to eat, and I quickly followed suit.

“This is great, Em! Really delicious,” he told me with a dazzling grin, and I sort of forgot that he ever even snapped at me.

“Really? Good, I’m glad you like it.”

“So you work tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, Amanda is styling for a photo shoot, and she said she’d definitely need me there.”

“Well I guess we better eat quickly then, so I won’t keep you up too late.” The wolfish grin on his lips said it all. I was in for a long night. I bit at my lip coyly before hooking my ankle with his under the table.

--

What a long night it was. Rob and I were up for hours, having copious amounts of bruise worthy sex. I guess he was actually upset about dinner. So it was no surprise that I looked exhausted when I saw Amanda the following morning.

“Christ, how hung over are you?” Panda chuckled as she took in my appearance. A dark glare was sent her way as I dropped my bag to the ground next to hers and went to start sorting clothing racks.

“Believe it or not, I only had one glass of wine.”

“Mm, so you rang in the new year from bed, then?” The look I shot her over my shoulder was answer enough. A loud cackle came from her lips before she ran off to speak with the photographer.
With Amanda gone, and nothing but an endless amount of clothes in front of me, my mind was left to wander. And where did it wander, you ask? Where the fuck do you think?

I just, I didn’t understand why he was still trying. I mean, literally every single time he called or texted me, it went unanswered. Every time he tried to talk to me via Marina, there was a bitchy response. Why didn’t he get it? I wanted nothing to do with him. I was with Rob, and I was happy. Christ, it had been a year. A year! And he still found the need to pester me because…?

Yes, okay, there was a time where I thought I loved Harry. And I know he loved me because he told me. Frequently. I could never bring myself to say it back though. Maybe that was another reason things ended. I don’t really know, but could he blame me for not saying it back? The last person I thought I loved was Collin and he destroyed any ideas I thought I had about love. So sorry, love was something that was going to take a little time to get back into. Harry always said he respected that, but I had my doubts. You can only say it and not hear it back so many times before it starts to fuck with you, right? I’m not saying I wish I had said it. Because I don’t. I’m glad I never told Harry I loved him. Because that would have made things so much messier. The break up would have been a million times harder. And it had already been hell. I’m not sure I would have been able to handle any worse.

God, I was so angry with myself. I was done stressing over Harry. I had devoted way too much time to it after the break up and then I was okay for such a long time. I didn’t want to go back to that. I couldn’t go back to that.

I had Rob now. Harry was just a ghost of the past.