Kissing Fire.

It was roughly 9:07 in the morning – don’t you just love my almost exact times – when Marina was shaking me awake.

“What do you want?” I grumbled sleepily from my not so comfortable spot on the floor. She quickly hushed me and told to get up once again. I let out an enormous groan – which caused Marina to shush me again – as I made my way up from the floor, joints popping here and there. As I glanced around the living room, I remembered that we had, in fact, spent the night in the hotel room of a famous boy band. What on earth was my life coming to?

“What are we doing?” I moaned out as I stumbled lazily through the living room, trying not to step on any boys. Liam was curled up in a blanket on the floor, as was Niall. However, Niall’s arm was thrown across the floor next to him as if he’d been holding someone. And given that there was a second pillow directly next to his, I was willing to bet that that someone had been Marina. “You like the Irish men, babes?” I giggled sleepily, only causing Marina to hush me a third time and usher me out of the living room.

“Seriously, Em, you’re way too loud,” she muttered once we were safely in the presence of kitchen appliances.

“Well maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal if we weren’t up so early,” I grumbled, yanking my arm from her grasp.

“Oh, please, it’s after nine.” She rolled her eyes before disappearing briefly back into the living room. “Here, put these on,” she spoke as she placed my heels in front of me on the floor.

“Why though? Are we leaving? This is really whore-ish of us, Neener,” I chided, using a name I had come up with one night when we were totally plastered. Once again she rolled her eyes at my childishness. Whoopsies, can’t be the most mature all the time, right?

“We’re only leaving momentarily. I wanted to run to the store to grab some food. I thought we’d make the boys some breakfast for letting us crash here,” she explained as she smoothed out her shirt from the night before. She’d already gotten changed, but there was no way I was getting back into jeans. These sweatpants were just way too comfy. Thanks, Harry! “I’m assuming you’re not going to get changed, yeah?”

“Pfft, yeah right. It’s too early to be in regular daytime clothing. Where’s my bra?” I suddenly gasped, forgetting that I’d discarded it to sleep. Marina once again disappeared to the living room to snag my bra from behind the couch.

“You’re really just gonna walk around in heels and pajamas?”

“Does look like I’m capable of giving two fucks right now?”

“No, but at least one fuck would be nice.”

“I put on a bra, mother!” I sneered before sticking my tongue out at her. And then, drumroll, please, Marina rolled her eyes once more before dragging me from the hotel suite and into the elevator.

Luckily we were able to make it to the store and back without any paparazzi recognizing us from the night before. Though I did get a few looks for my attire. Whateva. Marina had borrowed Niall’s room key, so we quickly let ourselves back in and started making a feast for the boys. We made pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and hash browns in an amount that could feed a small army. But hey, I’m sure these boys would take care of it. The scent of all the delicious food, plus the tea and coffee we’d brewed was more than likely what roused Niall from his slumber. Surprisingly, he managed to wake the others and bring them into the kitchen with him, though Harry looked rather grumpy.

“Mornin’, ladies,” the Irish accent broke through the air, barely audible over the music we’d had playing. And considering it was barely audible, Marina and I hadn’t heard it and continued to sing
“How to Be a Heartbreaker” by Marina and Diamonds at each other, spatulas serving as microphones. It was only when I was in the middle of twirling around dancing that I spotted the five confused and beautiful men standing in the kitchen. In fact, I let out a squeal, which alerted Marina and she was quick to slap the ‘off’ button of the stereo.

“Uhm, we made breakfast?” I spoke, my voice still groggy and in a question form. Soon the five boys were in hysterics and Marina and I were mortified.

“So ya can dance, sing, and cook at the same time? Marry me,” Niall spoke with a chuckle. Louis gave him a good elbow jab with a wink before Marina cheekily chirped,

“In due time, Horan, in due time.” I couldn’t keep the smirk off my face from seeing Niall’s cheeks immediately redden as I moved to start plating everything and get it all on the table. As soon as it was down – and I’m not even exaggerating – as soon as it was down, the boys bum-rushed the table and started gobbling everything up. Marina and I stood back with gentle smiles, happy that our work was not going to waste.

“This is amazing!” Louis cried before taking another large gulp of his tea and the boys quickly chorused in with their praises.

It was only Harry that still looked off. I thought of questioning it, but it seemed that I didn’t need to. Louis was also quick to spot him sitting on the outskirts of their huddle with a sullen expression on his face.

“You okay, mate?” he asked his curly-mopped best friend, to which Harry simply shrugged and checked his phone again. Not wanting to push him, Louis merely shrugged and went back to enjoying his meal.

--

Soon, but not too soon, everyone was lounging out in the living room and shooting the shit. Everyone except Liam, that is, as he had offered to do the dishes. Such a courteous boy, no? So while Liam did the dishes, the other boys and Marina were trying to figure out something to do that day. Harry was still tapping diligently away on his phone and I was still too tired to be able to participate in the conversation. So I just sat and watched on as ideas were thrown about the room.

“We could go to the zoo!” Niall finally cried out of nowhere. Everyone sat quietly for a moment as they pondered the idea, and soon enough the room was in agreement. A trip to the zoo was in order.

“Liam, we’re going to the zoo!” Zayn called into the kitchen, where Liam let out a small ‘whoop!’ of excitement. However, before the plans could get too in depth, Harry had to excuse himself to take a call. As soon as he was in his room and the door was shut, Louis let out a loud sigh.

“Bet you that’s Caroline,” he muttered to no one in particular.

“Who’s Caroline?” I asked suddenly, surprising myself even. “Sorry,” I quickly caught myself, “It’s just, he seems to have been talking to her for as long as I’ve known him. I feel like he literally has not put his phone down. And he always looks upset. Seriously, if he’s that upset, why does he keep talking to her?” I rambled, almost forgetting how impolite it was for me to pry like this.

“Well, while I totally agree with you, it’s not my place to talk about-“ But Louis stopped dead in his sentence when we all heard how much Harry’s voice had risen in the last five seconds.

“Well then what the fuck were the last couple of days? You’ve been stringing me along again, Caroline!” Harry growled loudly from a few rooms away. As Liam entered the room, he was met with dead silence and awkward glances.

“What’s going on?” he asked quietly as his eyes scanned all of us. Louis gave a curt nod in the direction of Harry’s room and Liam’s face seemed to soften in understanding then quickly harden in defense for his good friend.

“Idunno why he puts himself through this,” Liam huffed as he threw himself onto the couch next to me. “Hello, Emerson!” he then chirped with a small grin, causing a smile to flit to my lips. Liam was, hands down, one of the most adorable boys I’d ever encountered in my life. I mustered up the peppiest greeting I could, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind.

I felt for Harry. Although I had no idea what the current situation was with him and this Caroline girl, the whole concept of being strung along was something I was familiar with. I simply couldn’t help but be concerned for the boy. And the annoying part was that the whole thing was making me sick to my stomach. Soon more conversation of the zoo started up, but I wanted nothing more than to vomit and then curl up somewhere. Not only was I upset for Harry, but I was selfishly indulging in pity for myself. Collin had once again infiltrated my mind and I was in a weak state. I know, it’s getting a bit old. But I thought I loved him! He was always so sweet and wonderful and charming, ya know? And then, bam! That whole idea was shattered in a mere minute, if that.

He had cheated on me. Many times with many different women. For almost the entire duration of our relationship. Pardon me if I’m a bit bitter and fucked up. Though I suppose it’s my fault, right? Perhaps I didn’t put out enough, perhaps I should’ve seen the signs earlier. Well, you know what? Collin was great at what he did. He was a very convincing person and he was apparently tremendous at keeping secrets.

Harry’s door suddenly swung open and everyone immediately shut their mouths. There was an eerie silence that hung in the air for a few seconds before Niall spoke up gingerly.

“We’re thinking about leaving around one for the z-“

“I’m not going to the fucking zoo. I just want some goddamn tea and for one fucking woman to be real with me.” With that, he stormed into the kitchen and slammed the kettle onto the stove. I jumped slightly as he slammed a cabinet door and let out a growl.

Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly nauseous, and before anything could be said, I was up from my seat and headed toward the bathroom. The door had barely shut behind me before I started emptying the contents of my stomach into the white porcelain bowl. Marina was quick to follow and soon she was pulling my hair back for me and whispering soothing words into the air. She knew that sometimes I could be really set off when thinking about Collin. And since she knew me like the back of her fucking hand, she knew that this whole Harry/Caroline situation was going to get under my skin.

--

Twenty minutes later, everyone was sitting in the living room again, minus Harry, who had locked himself in his room for some “peace and quiet”.

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the zoo,” I muttered weakly as I rested my head in Marina’s lap.

“No, it’s fine, Sweetie. You need to rest,” she answered quietly as she ran her hands through my tangled hair.

“Maybe we should do something else? I know Harry really wanted to go to the zoo. How about shopping?” Louis piped up, and everyone seemed to find that to be suitable.

“Could you guys drop me off at the apartment on your way?” I asked as I glanced at Liam, who was closest.

“Oh, why don’t you just rest here? I’m sure we’ll all be coming back after shopping. Plus, this place is fully stocked and if you need anything there’s room service, on us. I’d feel better if you were here,” Liam answered sweetly, his Daddy Direction really coming out. I nodded in agreement before letting out a small groan. My stomach was doing somersaults. Marina ran her hand through my hair one more time before lifting herself from the couch and replacing her lap with a cushy pillow. I let out a contented sigh as everyone started getting up to get ready.

Not half an hour later, and the suite was empty, save for Harold. But it felt like he wasn’t even there, honestly. In fact, he didn’t leave his room ‘til nearly three.

“What are you doing here? I thought everyone left, “ the tall boy grumbled as he shuffled into the living room and spotted me.

“I, uhm, got sick earlier. Liam thought it best I rest here.”

“Are you alright?” he asked quickly, seemingly way too concerned for me given his current situation.

“I’m fine, no worries. Are you alright?” I echoed as I sat up to face him. He paused for a long moment before letting out a sigh and shaking his head, a dark look in his eyes. Before I could say anything else, he continued to the kitchen and once again filled the kettle with water.

“I know how you’re feeling,” I spoke as I came into the kitchen. He turned to face me with raised eyebrows and a sort of frown on his lips.

“What do you mean?” he inquired as his eyes met mine.

“I, uhm, I’ve been where you are. I know that feeling of being strung along,” I sighed as I rested my arms on the island in front of me.

“How did you…you were eavesdropping?” He groaned as a glare set into his features.

“You were talking loudly, everyone heard you.” He let out another groan before throwing his head back and leaning against the counter.

“Great. Just what I need. The boys thinking I can’t handle myself.”

“I’m here, you know. If you need to talk or anything,” I piped up, my eyebrows knitting in concern.

“Since when do you care? If I recall, you called me repulsive last night.”

“Disgusting,” I corrected, causing his face to screw up in confusion and anger.

“Sorry?” he barked.

“I called you disgusting, not repulsive.”

“Is there a difference? Whatever, I don’t need your pity,” he spat before turning to collect his mug from the counter and walk to the stove.

“It’s not pity. It’s…an understanding. Like I said, I’ve been where you are. I don’t know what your situation is, but I know that I’ve felt the way you’re feeling right now. And I’m not asking you to tell me anything, since I’ve just met you and you owe me nothing. I’m just letting you know that I’m here if you need anything,” I huffed, rather frustrated that he couldn’t just accept my empathy. The kitchen remained silent for a few minutes before the kettle started screaming. Harry moved it off of the burner before walking back over to the cabinet with cups and such.

“Do you want tea?” he called, not turning to look at me.

“Yes, please.”

He fetched another mug and filled both with hot water before placing a tea bag in each. Then he walked over to the island and placed one of the mugs in front of me, along with a bowl of sugar and a spoon.

“Thanks,” I murmured as I dragged the tea bag to and fro in my mug.

“Yeah. I, uhm…thanks, Emerson,” he finally muttered, his eyes rising to meet mine. My head cocked to the side slightly as I stared up at him.

“For what?” I asked as I dumped a couple teaspoons of sugar into my mug.

“For understanding. And not treating me like a child.”

“Why would I treat you like-?“

“She always did. Caroline,” he sighed before running a hand through his gorgeous curls.

“Why would she-?” I was cut off as Harry let out a short, sort of bitter laugh with a shake of his head.

“I’m assuming you have no idea about any of that stuff, do you?”

“Mm, ‘fraid not. I was never really a fan, I just knew bits and pieces of things from Marina. And Louis felt it wasn’t his place to tell me. He’s a good friend, you know.”

“’course he is. He’s my best mate, dunno what I’d do without him.” Though he tried to smile, there was still a pained look on his face.

“You want to talk about it, don’t you?” I questioned lightly. I knew that look. It was one I’d worn many a time when I was ready to just burst in front of Marina. He was silent for a few long moments, his eyes drifting back down to his mug as he stirred it with his spoon.

“Could we go lie down?” he finally asked, his eyes slightly glazed over as he looked back up at me.

“Uhm…” I hesitated. I mean, wasn’t this boy mourning some girl? Did it really make sense to go lie down with me? But the pleading look in his eyes kept me from denying him. “Yeah, okay,” I finally answered. A tight lipped smile reached his mouth before he clasped his mug and headed back toward his room. I quickly followed and was pleasantly surprised when I got to him. I was expecting to see clothes strewn about the room and a slightly “boy” scent to be hanging in the air. However, there were only a couple articles of clothing lying about and the room smelled of a hotel with a faint hint of cologne.

After placing my mug on one of the bedside tables, I climbed onto the king sized bed and rested my back against the headboard. Harry was quick to climb onto the other side and before I could protest, his head was in my lap and he was staring up at me.

“What’re you-?” But his finger came to meet his lips and he slowly closed his eyes, looking the most content I’d seen him in the past twenty-four hours. After a few long moments, he let out a long puff of air before his eyes opened to meet mine again.

“Where to start, yeah?” he questioned quietly, trying to pull himself together.

“The beginning, I suppose?” I suggested before collecting my mug and taking a long sip of my tea.

“So, we were on the X Factor, that’s where we got our start. And there was this show that came on afterwards called the Xtra Factor, which Caroline co hosted. Idunno, we just…we hit it off. We got on really well, things just clicked into place. She was sweet, and lovely, and she didn’t care that I was only sixteen and she was in her thirties. It didn’t matter. It was maturity that counted to her. But people didn’t really like it, since she was so much older, you know? Things got rather complicated before they could even start. And then all of a sudden- basically, she…she changed. She was more distant. She-“ His eyes filled with wet tears and he had to take a few breaths to settle himself. “Don’t stop,” he murmured.

“Stop what?” I asked lightly, but I couldn’t think too long before his hands were on mine and they were guiding mine back to his hair. Apparently, at some point during his story, my fingers had started raking through his mass of curls and I hadn’t even realized it. So once my hands were back to work, his went back to rest on his stomach and he took another deep breath.

“So, uhm…she started treating me like a child. We’d get in so many arguments because I ‘didn’t understand’ or I was ‘too childish’. She started calling me a kid. And that-that never happened before. It was like- this huge blow because it was one of the things she’d always known bothered me. She knew how I wished I wasn’t so young. And she always told me it didn’t matter, but then she was just using it against me. So then, after one particularly large argument, she ended things, saying I just wasn’t mature enough for her. And the fans started giving her all this hate on Twitter, so she called me and had me send out a tweet saying that it was a mutual breakup and that she didn’t deserve hate. It just- it hurt so bad. I thought I loved her, and then…” A few tears slipped from his eyes and rolled onto the blanket that separated our bodies.

“So you’re talking again, though. She’s who you were texting last night and this morning, yeah?” I asked gingerly as I softly lifted his head to slide lower onto the bed. His head now rested on my stomach and my fingers once again tangled in his hair.

“Yeah, yeah. She texted me two days ago saying she missed me and that she was sorry. So we were talking. It seemed like she wanted to try things again, give us another shot. So me, being the stupid idiot I am, eagerly agreed that we should start over. And then she slept on the idea and texted me this morning. She said it was a mistake to text me in the first place. That I was deluded if I thought things would actually work this time. That’s why she called. She felt it was better to officially reject me over the phone than by text. God, I feel so stupid. How could I let her back in that easily? I really am a child! I should’ve known better than to-“

His phone buzzed from the mass of blankets in front him.

“It’s her,” he uttered, clearly in shock.

“What does she want?” I asked gruffly as I strained to see his phone.

“She wants to know when we’ll be back in England. She wants to get lunch and-“

“Harry, do not answer her,” I tried as he started to unlock his phone.

“But-“

“This is exactly what she wants. She literally has you in the palm of her hand, Harry. It’s not fair to you. Now give me the phone,” I said firmly as I held my hand out toward the phone.

“But…” After quite a bit of contemplation, he let out a sigh and gently placed the phone in my hand. I quickly locked it and put it on the bedside table next to mine. His hands rubbed at his eyes as he let out a long groan. “Why is she so good at getting in my head?” he whined as he looked up at me again. I let out a low, humorless chuckle.

“Because you care about her. I’m the same way. As long as you give them the time of day, the door’s open for them to destroy you.”

“Right. Your turn, then,” he said slowly as he lifted himself from my body and leaned against the headboard. His arm was almost instantaneously wrapped around my waist as he pulled me into his side, my head falling onto his chest. I thought about moving. I really did. But it had been so long since I’d been held like that, and suddenly all the tension in my body seemed to drift away.

“Mm, tea,” I whined, extending the word ‘tea’ far more than necessary. He let out a chuckle as he leaned slightly to fetch my mug. And I could’ve sworn I heard him mumble something along the lines of “so adorable”, but who knows? Once I had my tea and had taken a few long sips, I handed it back to him and he placed it on his bedside table so it was within reach. “Uhm, so, right after high school I met this guy, Collin. He worked at this little hipster café and he stretched his ears and he smoked and there was just something so- intriguing about him. I don’t even know what it was. Maybe he was just good with his words and I was naïve. I’d only had one boyfriend before him and I’d had to do most of the legwork. And then Collin started talking to me and he was interested in me. And I guess I just got caught up in the fact that there was this cool twenty-two year old who wanted something to do with me. So I let him take me out a couple times and we ended up sleeping together about two weeks into knowing each other. I guess that’s when I should’ve gotten out. When we started out as friends with benefits. You know, no strings attached, just fucking. But then about a month later, he said he had feelings for me and wanted to try dating me. I guess that was my second opportunity to get out. It was like he just wanted a test drive. Like, he wasn’t completely sold, but hell, he’d give it a whirl. But I accepted, anyway. That’s about the time I started smoking. He was always doing it and eventually I got curious. He always said there was something so sexy about a girl who smoked, so I ran with it. Being with Collin was dangerous, but I think that’s why I liked it. He always wanted to go to parties and try this drug and that drug. I normally declined, and that’s what sparked our original arguments. He said I was too boring. But he stayed with me for a little over a year. The arguments got pettier toward the end, and I really should’ve ended it sooner. And then a bit over a month ago, he uhm…” And just like Harry, right before my story reached its peak, tears started to leak from my eyes.

“Shh, don’t cry, love. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he murmured as his thumb softly rubbed circles into my back.

“No,” I sniffled. “No, I- I want to. Uhm, a little over a month ago, I came home to my apartment – where he had been practically living – and I could just tell something was off as soon as I stepped through the door. You know, that sinking feeling in your stomach and you’re just waiting for something bad to happen? Our bedroom door was open, and I almost always closed it. And then I heard Collin let out this long sigh. So I quietly made my way over to the door. And there he was, sitting on the bed, with some girl on her knees in front of him sucking him off. And his head was back and his eyes were closed and I sort of just stood there, waiting for him to open his eyes. And then he did, and he just stared at me for a few seconds. Like he didn’t register that I was his girlfriend and I was not the girl blowing him at the moment. Then all a sudden a light bulb went off and he pushed her away before telling her to stay there and ushering me into the living room. And then he starts with ‘look, I should just come clean’ before proceeding to tell me that this was not the first time he’d cheated on me. In fact, he’d practically been cheating on me since day one. He said I was ‘too timid and boring’ and that he ‘needed more’. So then I kicked them out and called Marina to ask her to come bed shopping with me. And we got me a new bed and I asked her to move in with me. And, yeah…”

“I swear to God if I ever see him, I’ll-“

“That won’t be necessary, Harry. But I appreciate it,” I murmured as I nuzzled my head into his chest, which surprised me, honestly. I felt his arm tighten around me and I heard his jaw clench before his cheek came to rest on the top of my head.

“I’m sorry he did that to you,” he finally whispered and a sort of sad smile reached my lips.

“I’m sorry Caroline did that to you,” I replied as my arm came to rest around his middle.

The fact that I was this close with Harry after this small amount of time was astounding to me. It felt sort of wrong, but I didn’t want it to be. So I guess I sort of overlooked it and let it all happen. After our deep sighs had subsided and Harry had slouched down a little to get more comfortable, we turned our attention to the TV, which was quietly playing some National Geographic program about the life of the Grizzly Bear. So we sipped some more tea, we watched the show in silence, and Harry’s large hand slowly started to move through my hair. And that was about all I needed to lull me into a peaceful sleep for the first time in weeks.