Matters at All

It was a peaceful Saturday night in the park.

I was sat with my lover; gazing up at the dark sky that was dotted with gleaming white stars.

I felt his hand brush against my own as he fought against his nervousness, and I tilted my head to catch a glimpse of his face under the moonlight.

He bit his lip shyly as I took in the features of his face; mentally memorising everything from his untamed raven hair that hung just above his broad-like shoulder blades, to how the small amount of light contrasted with the darkness on the one side of his face.

He then moved his hazel eyes down to my hand as I wrapped my slim fingers around his palm, sending him a sweet-looking smile as his face flushed and lifted to meet my eyes again.

We stayed like this for several minutes; both of us getting lost in the other's eyes.

It was him that broke the silence, making me smile brightly.

"Tell me," He started, licking his bottom lip for a slight moment before continuing. "How can you tell you love someone?"

I stared in shock at the teen sitting beside myself for at least a minute before speaking myself. "You've never been in love?"

I'd only just moved to the neighbourhood about a month ago now; I would have thought that someone like this boy would have had someone in their life.

He nodded, and I sighed sadly. "Hey, it's alright." He assured me, moving his hand that was once propping himself up on the grass back to caress my cheek softly. "Now, my question?" He asked again, and I giggled a little, apologising for my rude interruption.

"Well... Basically you won't be able to be around them without a whole bunch of butterflies, which can be quite annoying at the start..." I giggled again and he grinned as I did so, making me blush slightly. "You also feel really nervous around them... Like, you feel scared about talking to them because you're afraid that something might slip out... And obviously you can't stop thinking about them, and, yeah..."

He then grinned really wide, suddenly letting out the next sentence that simply made my heart swell with happiness.

"I love you."

I quickly lunged from my sitting position into his embrace, whispering an 'I love you, too.' just about loud enough for him to hear, earning me a delicate kiss to the top of my head.

"You're the most beautiful boy I've ever seen... I'm so happy you feel the same way." He admitted, making me smile into his shirt. It smelled of Starbucks with a hint of smoke; everyone at school knew he was a smoker which made others even more disgusted of him than normal, but I thought knew that it was what counted on the inside, and not the outside. And to me, he truly is perfect.

--

I sat on one of the park swings as it swayed silently in the wind, mindlessly watching the couple beneath the stars just several feet away from myself.

It was as though he didn't know I was sitting right here, but I knew he did.

I just knew it.

He was just hiding the fact that he still loves me, even after being repeatedly beaten by the jocks at school for being a 'faggot'.

He couldn't take it after just a week; he dumped me and left me to fend for myself.

This had happened almost a month ago now, and he hasn't talked to me since the break-up.

He's changed a lot over these past few weeks; completely changing his sexuality when I know it's not what he wants.

I continue to watch as his new 'friend' flings themselves into his arms, hiding their face against his shirt.

He was grinning as he placed a soft kiss to their head, but he didn't look back at me. "Probably trying to make me jealous," I mumbled to myself, annoyed.

Oh, how I wish I was her.