Under his touch

The sun was high today. Every single window seemed to be beaming with a ray of excellent light. I couldn't stay away from them. Doing everything I could just to get near the windows, I was actually having a good day. Brian and Matthew along with the rest of the guys except Jimmy had gone out on business work. What the business work was however, I'll never know. I suppose I didn't want too know, I had no business knowing, I shouldn't even be thinking about their business. I sat myself under the living room windows, sighing contently when the sun hit my sore back and Matt's dog, Bella rested her head on my lap. The best remedy.

I've never been outside, so I don't torture myself to look out there and see all it' naturally beauty. I'm not allowed outside. I think if I was free, I'd love nature, I'd love animals. I love Bella. She's the only thing that shows me love, sometimes I think she tries to mother me. I don't think she likes seeing her daddy be horrible to me, but maybe that's just a dogs way of thinking. I pat her head and scratch behind her ears, smiling when her eyes close and she rubs her chin into my bare leg. I'm thankful that Matt never takes Bella away from me, even when I've been terrible or he's in a vile mood, Bella's always here. It's the most comforting thing I could ask for, she's never angry with me.

“Hey, Kay.”

My head snaps up to see a shirtless Jimmy with a beer in his palm. He sits himself on the one-seater and pushes his legs over one arm, the familiar smile present on his face as always. He calls me Kay instead of Keavy. Keavy is a horrible name, Zacky named me.

“Hello, Jimmy.”

I'm thankful I'm allowed to call Jimmy by his first name. He shouts at me if I call him something different. Jimmy's nice. He gives me things that the other guys don't and he lets me sleep in his bed when there's storms. I never understood why Jimmy was friends with the rest of them, he's too kind hearted. He's my rock here. Without him I guess I'd be dead... Jimmy's a great guy.

I'm the most unluckiest person on this earth. I could almost put my life on it. I have lived in this mansion since I was four. I don't remember my life before that. I was sold... more like given away by my foster parents. Matt's uncle was the founder of their stupid little group, he took me from my foster parents and kept me until the guys turned eighteen. The guys wanted a girl they could raise around the house, beat around when they wanted, make her do everything they should be doing... That's me.

I'm eighteen now, so it's been fourteen years... fourteen years and I've never been outside. I've never touched grass or seen the ocean, I haven't even touched a tree.

I wish I could.

Brian, Matt, Johnny, Jimmy and Zacky are a heavy, underground drug dealership. They're probably the most successful drug business in the whole of America. Although they deal the drugs, they would never take them. Johnny told me it's because they don't actually know which batch could be 'the wrong kind' so they stay clear of it. They all drink though. Brian drinks a lot. Jimmy told me he's an alcoholic. When Brian gets drunk, I hate him. I don't want to speak about it, I don't want to think about it.

“Why the long face?”

I turn my head towards Jimmy and then I look up at the window. He knows what I mean straight away and sighs deeply.

“If it were up to me, I'd take you out right now. You know that.”

I nod my head, scratching behind Bella's ears, “Matt won't even let me take Bella for a walk on my birthday.”

“Matt's a control freak.” He mumbled, taking another swig of his beer.

Jimmy had tried to sneak me out once when it snowed. Zacky went mental and there a huge argument erupted around the house. I got locked in the cellar for a few hours, it was horrible. I'm never going outside without permission again that's for sure.

Lately I had been well behaved much to my dismay. I hate doing what they tell me even after all these years. I hate that they're all only five years older than me and still can boss me around like they're my parents. Matt was soft sometimes, but most of the time he liked things his way. His way or no way.

Johnny was different. He kept himself to himself most of the time. He liked to read, he also liked to collect sharp objects. Zacky always laughed at him, nobody else seemed to find it funny. He would treat me like a friend and that was okay until he gets all flirty and touchy. He doesn't mean anything by it, I guess none of them do.

They can't involve themselves in relationships, they don't want to put people they love in danger. At least they're slightly considerate. Johnny was a family man. He finds it hard to live so far away from his family. They live in Florida, we live in California. It's a long way. It's obvious it affects him.

Brian's laid back. He doesn't really care about much, he does what he's suppose to and that's that. He has a huge drinking problem, the guys think it happened when his mother passed away. Nobody spoke about that either. He gets touchy when he's drunk, he gets violent too. I can't stand to be around him when he's been drinking spirits. He turns evil, the complete opposite to what he is normally. He's probably the best looking and the most vain. He always asks me to do his hair before they go out. I don't mind helping Brian out, he's an alright guy most of the time.

Zacky was just Zack. He was painfully shy around people he's not used too. He has big plumpy lips that make him look like a bashful teenager with a gorgeous toothy smile. It all goes to shit when something goes wrong. He has the temper of an ox. I remember one time I accidentally put his favourite white shirt in with all the black washing and he lost his shit, he gave me a black eye. I don't think my eye socket ever recovered from that blow. He seemed bi-polar to me, but I wouldn't dare ask him.

“Matt text me and said not to cook anything.” Jimmy beamed, “He must be bringing something back.”

I let out a breath or relief, “Thank God. Call him and ask him what.”

Jimmy called him and put the phone to his ear. After about ten minutes of persuading him to get Pizza, I asked if I could talk to him. Jimmy asked if it was okay and then handed me the phone.

“Hey, Sir.”

“What's wrong, Kay?” He asked.

“Nothing's wrong. Can I take a nap please?”

I heard the phone move around a little until a different voice came on the phone, “No you can't.” Brian.

“But- I was up until 5am last night.” I wined, my eyes practically screaming at me.

“Who's fault is that?” He asked, a firm tone in is voice. He wanted an answer.

I sighed, “Mine.”

“Why?”

Another sigh, “Because I didn't clean your bathroom like you liked it.”

“One job a week, Kay. Seriously?” He asked. He was obviously drunk, he wouldn't be such an ass hole else.

“Sorry.”

The phone was being handed back too Matt and I could have sworn I heard Zacky snap something at Brian. I looked up at Jimmy and he rolled his eyes at me, getting up and leaving the room. I followed him.

“Tell Jimmy we're going to be back in about a half hour.”

“Okay. Sir, I was just wondering-”

“No Kay, for fuck sake don't even ask.”

My throat went tight, “Okay, sorry.”

He must have heard the disappointment in my voice because his tone got softer, “Bye.”

“Bye.”

I handed Jimmy back the phone and sat myself up at the breakfast bar, head in hands. He looked at me at pushed his phone into the back of his jeans. He was watching me and he knew that Matt wouldn't let me go outside again. I just wanted to go outside for ten minutes. Not even that, maybe 5 minutes. I'm not allowed, and I probably won't ever get to go out there. Zack says it's too dangerous and I can get snatched away by people they've had bad deals with in the past.

I'm no secret. I'm a treasure and I hate it. Fuck being a treasure.

I want to be normal. I want to be just a girl. A normal teenage girl.

“I wonder what would happen if you called him, Matt.”

I cringed at the thought, “I don't even want to know.”

“I'd hate it if you called me Sir.”

I shrug, “I don't know any other way.”

I could have sworn I see a slight hint of sadness in his big, blue eyes but I didn't say anything. I watched him pour me out a glass of Diet Coke and put a few ice cubes in the glass. I prefer normal Coke but I'm not allowed it, apparently it will rot my teeth and it has far too many calories in it.

Zack was obsessed with my health, I think he'll have something to say when he gets here about all of us eating pizza instead of some healthy home-cooked food. I put the glass to my lips and ended up drinking most of its content.

It was long later that we both turned our heads to see the front door being kicked open. Matt walked in with three pizzas stacked on top of one another and the other guys came in carrying their own. He placed them on the kitchen breakfast bar and suddenly the once silent kitchen was erupting with deep, booming voices.

Jimmy snatched the largest pizza from the table and didn't say a word as he began to stuff his face. Brian had gone to the fridge, I didn't want to know what for. Matt looked at me with narrowed eyes, it was obvious he wanted to talk about earlier when I was about to ask him if I could go outside and enjoy the sunshine.

It wasn't long before the guys had moved themselves into the front room to watch a game of wrestling. Matt stayed staring at the clock for a while, pushing pizza into his mouth as if there was no tomorrow. I just played with my pepperoni, making a face on the biggest slice. I suddenly wasn't in the mood to eat.

“Why do you keep asking to go outside?” He asked, surprisingly his tone was as angry as I thought it would be.

I shrug, “It looks amazing.”

“Well it's not,” He snapped, Oh dear, what a bad assumption on my part, “It's nothing special. You're safe in here. Stop acting like the victim.”

I would love to say something cocky back but I just nod my head and look down again. There is no way in hell I would ever push my luck with Matt. He scared me when he was angry, he had those muscles and those evil eyes that could burn holes in mine. I don't feel like getting in trouble today.

Suddenly Bella's jumping up on the chair next to me. Her happy tongue hanging from her mouth and her big eyes staring at Matt with nothing but love and adoration. Matt can't help but smile back at her and he stands behind me so that he can stroke her head.

I turn to Bella who's pushing herself closer to me once she's gotten her love from Matt. I look up at him and he raising his eyebrows, surprised that Bella has gone to me instead of him. I know why, he knows why and he still hasn't said sorry for it. Last night he had lost it with me when I didn't clean Brian's bathroom correctly and he punched my jaw and kicked me in the back. Closing my eyes I rest my head against hers and she lets out a small whimper that neither of us can ignore.

“I'll put ice on your back later.” He tells me in a small voice, moving away from us both and walking into the kitchen.

Bella raises her head, making sure he's left and then she looks at me right in my eyes. I can see that she's sad for me. It's strange how much dogs can feel, I feel sad for her sometimes.

“He doesn't mean it, Bells.” I tell her in a soothing tone, “He loves us, promise.”