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My Baby, My Darling.

On the Line.

The smallest things about her confused me. She would speak so vaguely, and I constantly struggled to decipher the hidden message in her words. The special thing about her was that she would allude to her emotions but never directly state it. When it came to emotions, she would be the type to beat around the bush. It was different to me, largely different. Every relationship I’ve ever had with a girl revolved around feelings and emotions, mainly my lack of concern for their needs. Chelsea wasn’t like that, not in the slightest. Sometimes, I wish she were. It would surely make situations like these a lot easier. I had no idea whether she was hurt, confused, or flat out pissed.

She paced back and forth in front of me, biting her lip and looking at me every few seconds as I leaned against the frame of my jeep, my arms crossed as I silently examined her every move, every facial expression. I tried desperately to determine how to handle the current situation. I just told her, laid everything out in front of her in black and white. The proposal, the almost marriage, the search for Monica; I laid everything on the line.

Monica and I dated throughout a majority of our teenage years. I guess you could say we were in love at the time. A comfortable love, not the teenage crap you see in movies. I practically grew up with her, so we knew almost everything about each other. After nearly four years of dating, I asked her to marry me after her high school graduation. Although we were the same age, I was far above her in my schooling. She agreed, without any hesitation. Nothing about her decision to marry me held any doubt or concern. It was expected, everyone expected us to be happy. And we were, at least that’s what I thought. On the day of our wedding, everything was set. All of my family, who had known Monica for years prior to that day, gathered at the church with undeniable support radiating throughout every fiber of their being. Looking back, it was slightly sickening how they showed such support for a couple of 18-year-olds. But then again, everything about that day is sickening to me when I look back at it now.

She never even walked down the aisle. Annie showed up at the groomsmen’s door with a secret note addressed to me. Everyone thought it was some pre-wedding ritual or some cute little love note from the bride. Little did they know that it was not a love note, nor was it in any way, cute. To put it bluntly, it was the note that took away a large piece of my life, ripped out from under me like a rug or a band-aid ripped off of my wounded skin.

I searched for months on end trying to find her. Her family, who had known me for years gave me no clue as to where she had gone, or why she left me. Eventually, my love for her grew to pain, which then led to resentment, which then grew to hatred. I was left with nothing. I walked around and continued with my responsibilities with an empty mindset. I partied with Annie’s college friends, dated and took home numerous girls, and pursued the most simple aspect of my life, my job. I continued on with my life, never caring about anything or anyone that served of little importance to me and kept little attachments. I lost my way, losing myself in my unhealthy lifestyle of partying and girls. And then, I met Chelsea.

And now, she worriedly paced in front of me, never meeting my eyes. Occasionally, she would pause and look up in my direction, bite her lip, and take a deep breath only to return to her rigorous pacing.

“Darling, can you say something?” I furrowed my eyebrows, still examining her every gesture.

She stopped in her tracks, sending me an exasperated look. “What do you want me to say?”

“Something, anything.” I muttered, raising my eyebrows.

“You just dumped a shit load of information on me, Dexter. Don’t you think it will take a heck of a lot more than ten minutes of pacing to process it?”

“You begged me to tell you, might I add. I just, I need to know what’s going on in your mind. It’s killing me.”

She let out a breath of air, pushing back a few strands of her hair. “No.”

“No?” I raised my eyebrows quizzically. “What do you mean no?”

“I mean no. I can’t tell you anything. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now, or what I’m supposed to be thinking. You were almost married, Dexter!”

“I know.” I stated slowly, “But that’s all done with.”

“All done with?!” She threw her hands into the air in defeat. “All done with? I highly doubt that, Dexter. There’s a shitload of history there, Dexter! Something like that is not just done with!”

“That was years ago, Chelsea. Clearly, everything’s in the past now.”
“Clearly.” she stated simply, nodding her head as if making a final decision. “Let’s just go. Take me back to the lake house, Dexter.” She licked over her lips, staring into my eyes before making her way to the passenger door and pulling it open, about to get in.

I reached past her and shut the door, causing her to snap her head to face me. She raised her eyebrow, a hint of anger in her expression.

“I need to fix this. I can’t do that if I don’t know what about this is bothering you. Please, tell me what you’re thinking. I need to know, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby.” She snapped, her eyes narrowing as she stared into my eyes. I felt a pang of guilt in my chest as I detected the hurt in her eyes, shielded by a tint of anger. But I could see past it, I knew something was wrong; even if she refused to tell me herself. “These pet names may seem all fine and dandy to you right now, but to me they mean so much more than a harmless substitution that’s supposed to signify something even remotely related to affection. Dexter, you can’t just fix these things by using your charm. Clearly, this is so much bigger than you think. You don’t get it, do you?”

Her words stabbed me like knives. I was having trouble understanding what she was trying to get at. Did she not have feelings for me? I furrowed my eyebrows, searching her eyes for any hint of what she was trying to tell me. This is so much bigger than I think? “What about it is difficult? Please, just tell me what’s running through your mind. I’ll try to understand, but you need to help me out here.”

“I can’t do that, Dexter!” she yelled, stepping away from the car door, away from me. Her brown eyes met my own with such intensity. “If I tell you what’s going on in my mind, it will only make everything worse! Don’t you see that? It’s so much easier to walk away right now, before we both get in too deep. It’s what you want right? Not to get in too deep. You have a clear out here, Dexter! Take it.”

“A clear out?”

“Yes, a clear out! She practically begging to get you back, Dexter. And you want to know what’s going on in my mind right now? Really? I’m thinking that I can’t compete with that, with her! She’s had you before, she can have you again. Even if you’re too blind to see it. We both know how this is going to end, Dexter! So don’t try and butter me up anymore or feed me this bullshit about “baby” and “darling” because I already know that it’s just a matter of time before that all bites the fucking dust.”

“Why the fuck would I leave you?” I hissed, “Haven’t I already proven that I’m not going anywhere. You’re not competing with anyone, and you won’t ever have to. God, Chelsea! Why is this so hard to understand? What more do I need to prove to you to make you believe that I can’t just up and leave you at any time, or at all for that matter! You’re my fucking girlfriend. Why is it so hard for you to fathom? Monica was history the moment she stepped out of my life. You’re here, you’re now. The only thing you should ever have to worry about is some stupid shit like when your next dental appointment will be or how many cups of coffee you can drink before I stop you.”

She blinked, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion as she slowly recovered from her aggression. “You just called me your girlfriend.”

“What?” I narrowed my eyes, shaking my head slowly in disbelief. “Yeah. You are, aren’t you? That wasn’t a lie.”

“It’s just,” she shook her head slowly, “you never, we didn’t...My next dental appointment?” She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

I blinked, still staring at her. After a few minutes, I shook my head slowly, a loud laugh erupting throughout my body. She merely narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out why I was now bent over in hysterics. A few moments passed before she broke out into a small smile, putting her petite hand over her mouth to stifle the laughter.

I don’t know what came over me, but I felt like the last thing that we should have been talking about at that particular moment was her dental appointment. Apparantly, so did she. And just like that, the tension evaporated. Everything in the world was right, in an instant. That was another reason that I loved my relationship with her. As difficult as our bond seemed on the outside, once we got to the core, the heart of any situation, it never seemed as difficult. We balanced each other to the point that nothing seemed impossible. If I had said that aloud, she would slap me and call me a pansy. In all honesty, I would have slapped myself as well. But, I couldn’t find any other way to describe that moment. Not only was Chelsea my girlfriend, but she was becoming one of my best friends. I cared about her to the point that I never wanted her to worry about anything she didn’t need to. I wanted to protect her, make her laugh, and do everything in my power to make her love me. At that moment, she was all I needed.

After my laughter died down, I returned my gaze to her. I watched as she bit her lip, still trying to contain her laughter. She was so beautiful when she smiled. Her eyes lit up and the her nose wrinkled slightly as her lips curved into a wide smile, exposing her dimples. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of her, pulling her waist closer to mine. She smiled up at me, the same smile that never failed to brighten my day.

“You are so weird, you know that?” she smirked, smiling up at me as she leaned into my frame.

I nodded slowly, a smile curving onto my lips as I walked her back to my jeep. My grip on her waist tightened as I pulled her closer to me, placing a kiss on her head. “I know, darling.”
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I don't know how I feel about this chapter. Seriously, I hate to say this, but I'm getting lazy. I need some inspiration. I'm sorry if you hated it, I kind of do too. :(