My Baby, My Darling.

"Oh, come on!"

"No."

"But, it's the Lumineers! I know you, Che-Che, and I also know that you love those Lumineers."

"I don't want to go, Gabe."

He scoffed, trailing behind me as I made my way into my kitchen. "Why the fuck not? Please, tell me why you don't want to join in on this New York lovefest."

"I just...don't." I muttered, grabbing a water bottle out of my fridge and trudging back to my living room only to collapse onto my couch, crossing my legs in the process.

I'd moved on from sulking in my bed, cleaned myself up and made myself presentable to the public eye. It was that morning that I made a deal with myself and ended my pity party. At least, that's what I told myself as I forced myself into the shower and changed into clean, normal clothes. I turned on my television and proceeded the way I would spend any day by myself, deciding to watch the food network all morning. However, although the food network was in front of me, various images and in depth explanations of proper steak marination and vegetable seasoning, my mind always drifted back to Dexter and how he always ranted on and on about the lack of nutrients in lettuce and how it had as much health gain as distilled water or how he would absentmindedly play with strands of my hair while I watched TV, his arm casually looped around the back of my couch as he stared intently at the screen, analyzing every single word spoken and easily reciting it from memory when he cooked dinner for me a week later. It wasn't until Gabe arrived at my apartment mid-afternoon that I realized how much time had passed or how flooded my answering machine was from people that I had yet to contact. To any outsider, it looked as if nothing was wrong, that I wasn't breaking down slowly on the inside, but rather spending the day lounging around my apartment like always. And that's exactly how I wanted it to be, I wanted to look like what happened at the rock arena didn't phase me. I was a master at hiding my emotions, and I was not going to hesitate in putting my skills to work.

"Out of all the terrible answers in the world," Gabe continued, pacing back and forth in my living room, "That one wins."

"Well, I don't see why I absolutely have to go." I forced a smirk, raising an eyebrow at him. "Geez, why do you want me to to so bad?"

He continued to pace. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm sick of hearing you talk about much you miss your parents all the time. News flash, they are in New York, the concert is in New York. I'm sure they'd love to see Dexter again, considering he and your dad are homies. Plus, you love apples, right? Well, if it doesn't shock you enough, New York just happens to be the Big Apple..."

I flinched slightly at the mention of his name. Gabe didn't know about what happened at the rock arena, Annie and Travis were the only ones that even remotely knew, probably not entirely blessed with all of the details, but they knew that Dexter and I were no longer together. I didn't want to tell anyone because then I'd have to spend hours going over the details as to what happened when even I still hadn't entirely processed it. Gabe took my silence as an insistence for him to spit out more reasons, more convincing.

"Alright, I didn't want to bring this up..." Gabe let out a dramatic sigh as he stood in front of my television, blocking my vision of an episode of Restaurant: Impossible. "I was hoping that you would realize just how fun this road trip would be and how much you would miss if you stay here, but you are just not budging. So, alas, I must bring out the big guns. And no- I am not referring to the toned and muscular artillery known as my biceps."

I rolled my eyes, taking a sip of my water. "Gabe, what are you going on about?"

"When Travis gave you these tickets, did he tell you how he got them?" He raised his eyebrows.

"He and Annie have to go for work, and he ended up getting a few extra tickets." I leaned forward to put my water bottle onto the coffee table.

He shook his head slowly, dropping his head in laughter. "So then he didn't tell you. Che-Che, Travis is going to be the lead guitarist for the artist that's opening up for The Lumineers. Apparently, Greg knows a few people high up in the music business and was able to pull a few strings because he thinks Travis has got the chops, so to speak. He is going to be on stage, in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people."

"You're kidding." I couldn't help but laugh lightly in disbelief. "Gabe, I swear, if this is a joke..."

"I swear to you, that is the actual truth." He threw his hands into the air in surrender. "My boy has got the skills to pay the bills. And we, his friends since the birth of his musical career, owe it to him to be there for his first burst into stardom."

I smiled, shaking my head in disbelief. "Oh my god, that...that is amazing."

"So, you're coming?" Gabe searched my eyes, excitement emanating from his features. "You're gonna join in on the New York adventure?"

I bit my lip, closing my eyes to give the impression that I had to think it over. I knew that I had to go, to support Travis. Although he never admitted it to Gabe and the rest of his high school band, Travis loved to play and it was his dream to play in front of a real crowd as opposed to the drunken crowds at our high school parties. Even if it was a small part to play, I couldn't not go, and Gabe knew that.

"Alright, I'm convinced."

Gabe stood up and punched his fist into the air as if he won a car on some cheesy game show. I watched impassively from my seat on the couch as he engaged in a series of pelvic thrusts and a variety of dance moves that I've only seen on musicals from the 80's.

"The party bus will arrive at your apartment tomorrow at noon. I'll call Nicole and tell her you're on board." He called over his shoulder as he extended his hands out to his sides to resemble an airplane and ran circles around my living room and eventually out the front door of my apartment.

I nodded, letting out a small laugh as I trailed behind him to close the door. I watched as he practically leaped down the stairs to the Cafe downstairs, still engaging in a series of pelvic thrusts and fist pumps.

When I secured the lock on my door and spun back around to face my empty apartment, a noticeably heavy silence filled the confines of the room, despite the hushed noises drifting from my television set. The forced smile that I plastered onto my face when Gabe arrived faded away immediately. Almost naturally, my back slid down the solid build of the door as tears slowly began to stream down my face once again, the silence only making me cry harder. The walls that I built up around my emotions didn't have the strength, the longevity as it once did. My mental security was gone, and realization hit me as to how alone I felt, how I'd been feeling for the past week. I missed him, so much that it hurt. And I hated that I missed him, that his absence had this affect on me. I hated that I couldn't tell anyone about how I felt, how I couldn't even find the right words to tell anyone what was wrong with me. The only thing I knew was that he was gone, he wasn't mine anymore and it killed me.

I sat there leaning against my door for what seemed like hours, trying to pull myself together again.

---

The caravan arrived at my house exactly at noon the next day. Marc and Gabe skipped up to my apartment and raided my pantry, robbing it of bags of chips and boxes of poptarts before helping me bring my bags down to the cars waiting outside the Cafe.

We were driving to New York in two cars, Gabe's Volvo and Travis's Honda Civic. When I walked out of the Cafe, Gabe and Marc were arranging my luggage in the back seat of the Volvo as Nicole leaned against the car, playing some video game on her iPhone. Travis and Annie were arguing in his Honda about who was going to be in control of music during the two hour drive.

I licked over my lips and made my way over to the back of Gabe's Volvo where Marc was attempting to stack the large duffel bags in a way that would make everything fit in the trunk.

"So, which car am I riding in?" I muttered from behind them, taking a sip of the cup of coffee I poured for myself in the Cafe.

"Um," Marc let out a puff of air as he tried to push Nicole's orange suitcase next to Gabe's black duffel bag. "You're riding with Travis and Annie because there's no way you and Nicole are going to fit in the backseat over here."

I furrowed my eyebrows, not entirely secure with the fact that I was going to be in a car with two people ready to grill me with questions about what happened between me and Dexter. "Why does Nicole get to be in the Volvo?"

"Because," Nicole's suddenly appeared next to Gabe, an annoyed expression on her face, "your cousin here claims that he cannot stand two hours without me in his general vicinity. He says his Pearl works better or some shit like that. But in all honesty, I just think he's slightly claustrophobic."

I rolled my eyes, forcing a laugh. "Oh my God, Gabe. Did you really make a sexual reference to justify your fear of small spaces?"

Gabe scoffed, closing his trunk once Marc gave him the go ahead. "I did not say that. I merely said that Pearl over here-" He rubbed circles on the body of his Volvo, petting it like a cat as he wrapped an arm around Nicole's small frame. "-she just so happens to drive better when Nicole is in the car."

"Which is a lie, because this piece of shit car wouldn't run better if he had all the Nicole's in the world." Marc laughed loudly from beside me, causing me to force laughter.

"So what?" Nicole shoved her hands into the pockets of her tight jeans, nudging me slightly with her elbow and grinning widely. "Are we heading over to Dexter's apartment next? Maybe he'll have some strawberry poptarts. All Chels had were brown sugar."

I winced slightly at the mention of his name, my fingers automatically going cold as goosebumps spread throughout the surface of my skin. I was at a loss for words, and they all stared at me, expecting an answer.

"Dexter isn't coming." Annie called out to us, sticking her head out the window of Travis's car. I closed my eyes, thanking her for saying something and getting them to shift their eyes to her. "He has to work all weekend, so it really just... it wasn't possible."

I nodded, turning to face their confused expressions and shrugged. "Yeah, he isn't coming." I managed to say in my most confident voice possible.

"Whatever," Gabe furrowed his eyebrows, looking between me and Annie who's head had disappeared back inside of Travis's car. "His loss. Let's hit the road then! Project New York is officially a go."

Marc, Gabe, and Nicole made their way into the car as I drifted back towards Travis's Honda, sending Annie a small smile as my eyes connected with hers through the windshield. When I settled into the seat behind Annie on the passenger side, silence settled within the car as we pulled away from the Cafe and onto the highway. By instinct, my gaze moved to look out the window at the trees passing by.

Abruptly, Annie spun around to face me, her eyes piercing my own in a painfully familiar way.

"I don't know what happened between you and my brother," she spoke with a hint of confusion in her voice, an apologetic look in her eyes as she scanned my facial expression "but I'm here as your friend right now, not as Dexter's sister. And I'm here if you want to talk."

I glanced at Travis, whose tired eyes never left the road. I turned my attention back to Annie and nodded feebly, pushing a few strands of hair out of my face as my attention drifted back to the Connecticut scenery passing by. A few minutes later, Annie plugged her iPod into the auxiliary cord and a band I had never heard before began to play. I leaned my head against the cold window and closed my eyes, listening to the faint sound of Annie singing along to the lyrics.

When I opened my eyes again, we were parked in the parking lot of a Denny's and Annie was shaking me awake, gesturing for me to follow her and everyone else into the restaurant for lunch. I watched as Gabe charged through the door with Nicole on his back, and Nicole throwing her head back in laughter. Marc followed closely behind on his cell phone, most likely talking to our parents and telling them we were almost there.

I ran my fingers through my hair and nodded. She sent me a concerned look before reluctantly hopping off towards the entrance in her usual chipper demeanor.

Travis was waiting, leaning against the side of his car just as I was slamming the car door shut, a cigarette dangling between two of his fingers as he brought the short stub up to his lips. I'd forgotten that he smoked. He didn't do it often, but sometimes at parties I'd catch him lighting up outside in the backyard, usually alone, sometimes with a few other guys that I was only vaguely familiar with. It was weird seeing him do it in broad daylight for a change.

He looked at me with the same tired eyes, putting out his cigarette before shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket in response to the freezing East Coast weather. He shuffled his feet, as if gearing up to say something. I stood in front of him, my eyes transfixed on his features with an expecting look.

"Do you remember when that guy Peter broke up with you during your Sophomore year?" Travis said, looking past me at the cars driving on the highway.

I nodded, furrowing my eyebrows. "Yeah."

Peter was my first boyfriend, and a pretty decent one at that. He took me to the movies, bowling, even to a few concerts. I remember that he worked at the local Video Rental Center. He was a really nice guy, and he had pretty good taste in movies. But he shattered all of the good memories I had of him when he broke up with me after a few months. I didn't know why he did it, and I was devastated. A few months later, I found out he was only dating me to try and make Nicole jealous because she shot him down more times than I could count. It was my first heartbreak and I didn't leave my room for two days. After that, I didn't cry for him ever again. When I emerged from my bedroom with a new resolve, I acted as if nothing happened and that Peter breaking up with me didn't affect me at all. Gabe and Travis paid no attention to the matter, only inviting me and Nicole to go to one of their gigs once I finally stepped out into daylight. It surprised me that Travis remembered that.

"That's the only time I'd ever seen you even remotely sulk over a guy. Two days. You're good at hiding it, you know? If I didn't actually know something was wrong, I wouldn't think anything was wrong." He said, finally meeting my eyes.

I smiled lightly, pushing hair out of my face. "Why are you telling me this, Travis?"

"Because you're better than this." He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head slowly and gesturing towards the restaurant where everyone had disappeared only moments ago. "This sulking thing you have going on, they may not notice it, but they will eventually. You don't deserve whatever shit you're going through right now and you don't have to deal with it on your own."

I blinked, sending him a small smile out of courtesy. I wasn't just going to break down in front of him and pour out my emotions. Deep down, I know that he meant well, but I don't know what he was expecting me to do. I'd never been the emotional, venty type and he knew that.

"I'm fine, Travis." I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest and letting out a small laugh to emphasize the absurdity of the situation. But I knew, and he knew it didn't sound entirely convincing.

He shook his head, a disbelieving smile on his lips. "I thought we were friends, Chels."

"We are." I nodded, raising an eyebrow. "And I'm here, supporting your musical career because that's what friends do, right?"

He furrowed his eyebrows, surprised that I knew about his big break.

"Gabe told me." I explained, watching as he nodded in acknowledgment. "And that's big news, Trav. Why didn't you tell me?"

He dropped his head to look at the ground, a sheepish smile on his face. "I guess I just didn't want to make the situation about me at the time. I wanted you to come for your own reasons, no motives. Remember?"

I nodded, realization hitting me as to just how much Travis cared. When he found me at Peggy's diner, he was more concerned about my well-being as opposed to this amazing opportunity in his career. He knew that I didn't need to be forced into doing anything or going anywhere at the time, that I needed to make my own decisions and I appreciated that.

"I understand." I let my head drop to the floor, trying to find the right words to say to express my gratitude, but coming up with nothing. So instead, I plastered a grin into my face and improvised. "Well...I hope you kick some serious ass on that stage."

His eyes looked up to meet mine, surprised by the sudden shift in the conversation from solemn to chipper in a matter if seconds.

"Thanks." He muttered, his eyebrows still furrowed in confusion.

I waved him off, spinning on my heel as I made my way to the front door of the diner. Before pulling the door open, I called out to him in the most chipper voice I could muster. "And don't worry about me, Trav. I'll be fine, I promise."

All throughout lunch, it took all of my energy to plaster a smile onto my face and laugh when Gabe pretended to act like a Walrus or act interested when Nicole discussed her birthday plans with me. And when Marc was talking to me about how my mother was nagging him about going grocery shopping before we got to our parents house, I could feel Annie and Travis sneaking glances at me from across the table, watching over me as if I were a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at any second. I was drained of all of my mental energy by the time lunch was over. And when I got back into the backseat of Travis's car, I closed my eyes and drifted back into a shallow slumber.