The Need to Get You Flowers

“Why do you always want to go out with the guys?” Ben asked me from his seat on our couch like he had almost every day this week.

I let out an exasperated sigh. “Because I enjoy going out for drinks.”

“You’ve been out for drinks with them every night and you’ve come home drunk every night. Can’t you stay home with me for one night?”

“Ben, I spend all of my time at work or with you. I would like to go out and have a good time.”

“So you’re just going to leave me alone every night so you can have a ‘good time’?” he asked, looking like he was staring to get pissed, which part of me couldn’t care less about, and using his fingers to put quotes around good time.

“Yeah, pretty much. Just because you got yourself knocked up, it doesn’t mean that my social life has to end.”

“I got MYSELF knocked up? Whose fucking dick was in me and decided to release their fucking semen into my fucking body?”

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t going to stand here and listen to him accuse me for this.

When I started walking out of the door, I heard Ben stand up. My first thought was to go back and help him stand, but I didn’t.

“Danny, don’t you want this baby?” he asked me. I could hear the tears in his voice.

“Yeah Ben, I do want the baby,” I said, slowly turning around to see Ben standing in front of the couch with one hand on his back, and one hand below his stomach.

“Then is the problem me?”

“No Ben.”

“Then why won’t you stay with me and not get drunk? You say you love me and you love our baby, but you never want to be around us.”

I turned back to the door and put my hand on the knob, turning it and opening the door. “Ben, I do love you, and I do love our baby, I just want a few more nights to get drunk and not have to give a fuck about anything.”

I knew when I walked out of the house, Ben had probably started crying. He didn’t know that I knew about it, but after I had gone out for drinks and had come home drunk every time for two weeks straight, I had come home after remembering my cell phone was still at home. It had kind of pissed me off at first, but then when I had sobered up some, I realized he thought he was losing me.

*Flashback*
With the intention of going right back to the bar, I had just returned home to get my cellphone. I might not need it, my tipsy self had thought, but some part of my brain knew that there was always a possibility that I would need it. Knowing that Ben was pregnant and at home alone made me want to have my cell, just in case.

When I got up to the door after stumbling up the sidewalk to our front door, I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts. I then grabbed onto the doorknob and quietly opened the door in case Ben had gone to bed.

“It’s okay baby,” I heard Ben say sadly, “Daddy is never going to leave us. He loves us too much.”

At first, I had thought Ben had been talking to another man, but soon I realized he had been talking to our unborn child.

I looked into our living room to see Ben sitting in the exact same spot I had left him in. He had tears running down his face and his hands on his stomach.

“I love your daddy very much, but I’m starting to think that he doesn’t love me as much anymore. I love you very very much too, but sometimes I think you are the reason he doesn’t love me anymore. You were an accident you know, we had only been married a few months when I first found out I was pregnant. I was really happy about the surprise, but I’m not sure your daddy was.”

Ben broke down sobbing then. I knew I should have gone in there and comforted him, but at that moment I was too mad and too drunk. All I could think about was how he was jumping to stupid conclusions. I told him I loved him every single morning, but somehow he had got the idea that I didn’t love him.

I was in the same boat that I had been that night. I knew that Ben was probably telling our child that I didn’t love him, and I did care that he was doing it. The difference between then and now was the fact that I wasn’t mad at him for thinking that. Now I saw all of the evidence that he was seeing.

You might think it odd that I didn’t feel the need to correct him at that moment.
*End Flashback*

“Danny!” James yelled at me when I walked into the bar.

“James!” I yelled back, grinning even though I didn’t feel that I should’ve been.

“How’s the husband?” James asked, walking me over to the bar.

“Still pregnant.”

“That boy looks like he’s going to pop any day now.”

I looked over at James with a confused look on my face. “When did you see Ben?”

“When I had to go grocery shopping last week.”

“He went grocery shopping?” I asked with wide eyes. “Ben is eight months pregnant! We had decided that I would do the fucking grocery shopping!”

James put his hands up in surrender like he was afraid I was going to unleash my rage on him. “I asked about that mate, he just game me a sad smile and a shrug.”

I couldn’t believe it, all because I had been coming to the bar every night and going home drunk every night, Ben had had to go grocery shopping when he could barely get off of the couch by himself. Knowing that made me wonder what else Ben had taken upon himself that I was supposed to do.

“James,” I said after being silent for a few minutes, “Did Ben say anything about other things he was doing?”

James shook his head. “No, I tried to ask him about his pregnancy but he wouldn’t talk about him or you.”

That settled it; I had to get home to Ben.

“I’m going to call it a night,” I said to James absentmindedly.

I think James answered but I wasn’t listening. I couldn’t believe it had taken James telling me that he had seen Ben for me to realize how big of a jackass I had been.

Just as I had gotten to my car, my phone started ringing.

The caller ID was Bex, Ben’s sister, which did not surprise me one bit. Ben and Bex had always been tight, she had been the first person to find out about us being together, so it made sense to me that she would be the first one Ben called when he was upset. The one thing that I didn’t understand was why she was calling me this time. I had left Ben so many times so why was this time more important?

“Hello?” I said, putting the phone between my shoulder and my ear so I could still drive.

“Danny, you need to get to the hospital right now.”

“What? Oh my god, what happened? Is Ben okay?”

“His water broke,” she said. I suddenly heard someone scream out in pain. Knowing it was Ben, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

“Bex,” I said hesitantly, “Was-was that Ben?”

“Yeah Danny, he’s going through contractions.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll be there.”

I closed my phone. How could I be so stupid? I knew that Ben was nearing his due date, but I still decided to leave him by himself. I felt like the stupidest person in the world. I also felt like the biggest jackass.

There was no way that I could fix this situation. Even if Ben wasn’t mad at me, which I already doubted he was, I would never forgive myself. I would never be able to get angry with him; I had left him alone and let his water brake with no one around. All I could think was how can I make this up to him, even just a little bit?

Just when I thought there was nothing, I saw a small flower shop. When Ben and I had first got together, I had bought him flowers all the time. Most people buy flowers when someone is sick or mad at them or it’s their birthday or anniversary, not me. Whenever I would see a flower place or when I would be missing Ben, I would pick him up flowers. His face always seemed to brighten up when I brought them to him, I missed seeing that.

As soon as my car was turned off, I jumped out the door, and ran into the shop.

The woman behind the counter looked at me weirdly and said, “How can I help you sir?”

“Do you have twelve purple tulips?” I asked, slightly out of breath.

“Yes, of course. Is there a way you would like them wrapped?”

“Surprise me. Could you hurry though, I’m a bit rushed.”

“May I ask you why?” she asked as she walked over to the case of flowers on the wall.

She fucking walked, was all I could think about.

“My husband is having a baby, I’m on my way to the hospital, and I wanted to get him flowers.”

That got her to move a bit faster.

Less than five minutes more of anxiously waiting, I was back into my car and on my way to the hospital. At first, I tried to listen to the radio to try and calm my nerves. Needless to say, that didn’t help. I tried imagining what I would say to Ben when I first saw him, and even what I would say to try and apologize for this monumentally stupid mistake I made, but none of it worked. The attacking butterflies would not calm down.

On multiple accounts, I had heard that becoming a dad was one of the most nerve wracking things in the world. I understood part of the reason I was feeling so nervous was because I was going to be a dad, but the other part of my gut problem was pure guilt.

“Ben Worsnop’s room please,” I said to the sweet looking nurse who was standing behind the counter.

She eyed me before answering. “Relation to the patient?”

“Husband.”

“Danny Worsnop?” she asked.

I nodded.

“His sister said you would be here soon. Your name was the only one he would say from the time he got in here. Get Danny, he said. Poor baby.”

The lady led me to his room. She tried giving me directions, but I hadn’t understood whatsoever and asked her to just walk me there.

Even from the hallway, I could hear my baby.

“Bex,” he gasped in pain. “When is Danny going to get here?”

I couldn’t hear what she told him, but I could imagine it.

In my head, Bex turned to Ben with a sympathetic look on her face. “I don’t know honey,” she would say, putting her hand on Ben’s arm softly, “I’m sure it’ll be soon though.”

I didn’t realize it until I was standing right outside of the room, but the nurse had left. She must have assumed I knew which room it was.

When I went into the room, I peeked my head in first. I wanted Ben to scream at me for leaving him, so part of me believed he would as soon as I walked in. It was either that or the guilt that still raged in my stomach that made me afraid to go in.

“D-Danny?” Ben whimpered when I peeked in.

He was in a gown, hooked up to multiple machines, and looked completely stressed out. Bex sat in the chair next to him, looking just about as stressed, with her hand on his arm.

“Ben, I just told you, I don’t know when Danny is going to show up.”

“Hey baby,” I said, smiling at him nervously as I walked into the room.

“Danny,” Bex said, anger shimmering in her eyes, “Where were you?”

All I knew at that moment was that I did not want to tell her.

“I was at the bar,” I finally whispered.

“You were at the bar?!” Bex stood up and stomped up to me, getting in my face. “You went to get drunk, leaving your pregnant husband home alone. The doctors have been saying he could give birth for weeks and you decide to leave him alone?”

I didn’t look at Bex. Honestly, she scared the crap out of me.

“Baby, I’m so, so, so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking,” I said, sitting down in the chair Bex had been sitting in.

Ben started breathing heavily, put his head back, and reached his hand out toward me. I grasped his hand in mine.

“I don’t care,” he said after his contraction ended. “I’m just glad you came.”

If I hadn’t heard Ben talking to our unborn child about him thinking that I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t have thought anything about the statement. Instead, since I had heard him, my head was screaming at me to tell him I loved him. He didn’t end up giving me the chance.

“What are the flowers for Danny?” he asked after a few moments of silence.

“Oh,” I said, having completely forgotten about them, “They’re for you.”

I held the bouquet of flowers out to Ben and he took them. The smile that I had only recently realized I had been missing appeared on his face.

“Why?” he asked, looking close to tears. I wasn’t sure if those tears were because of happiness, stress, or a mix of both.

“Because I love you,” I said with a soft smile.

Bex, who had been standing in the corner of the room since Ben and I’s attention had turned to each other, glared at me.

“Danny,” she practically snarled, “Don’t lie to him. Those flowers are a bribe to get him to forgive you.”

I sighed. “Bex, you’re only half right. These aren’t a bribe, if he doesn’t want to forgive me, then he doesn’t. On the way here I got thinking about how I used to get him flowers all the time, and how much I missed the look he got on his face when I gave them to him.”

“How are you doing Mr. Worsnop?” a cheery nurse said upon walking into the room.

Ben gripped my arm tightly, telling me another contraction hit.

Ben’s had a lot of contraction since I got here, I thought as Ben pressed his nails into my arm. Doesn’t that mean he’s getting close to having the baby?

“As soon as this one passes, I’ll check how far along you are,” the nurse said to Ben.

I was pretty sure he didn’t care at the moment.

Ben’s grip on my arm slacked a bit, and I heard him breathing heavily. The nurse, who had been looking at his file, looked up when she seemed to notice this.

“What’s the span of your contractions Ben?”

“About every five minutes,” Bex answered.

“Okay then,” the nurse said, seeming to not have been expecting Bex to answer.

The nurse went to the bottom of Ben’s bed and…well I don’t know what she did. All I know is that when she stood back up she informed us that Ben was nine and a half centimeters dilated, and should be able to push very soon.

“Danny,” Ben whispered, grabbing onto my arm lightly, “I’m scared.”

I sat down in the chair next to him once again. “Oh baby, it’s okay to be scared, but it’ll be okay.”

“You won’t leave me will you?”

I smiled softly at him, brought his hand up to my face, and kissed the back of it. “You’d have to kill me to get me to leave you.”

He smiled and laid back. “We don’t even know what we are going to name her.”

“Do you have any ideas?”

He shrugged.

Putting my hand on his arm I said, “I’m sure you’ve thought of a name.”

“I have,” he said shyly.

“Then let’s hear it.”

“Audrey May.”

I smiled at Ben. “Audrey May Worsnop, I like it.”

“Hello Mr. and Mr. Worsnop,” Ben’s doctor said as he walked in. “Ben are you ready to get that baby out of you?”

“Yes sir.”

Ben sounded so cute when he said that that I just wanted to kiss him everywhere.

After a large amount of time that consisted of me thinking Ben was going to break my hand, a large amount of screaming from Ben, and a lot of encouraging comments coming from the doctor, nurses, Bex, and I, Ben and I’s daughter was finally welcomed into the world.

“Does Daddy want to cut the cord?” the doctor asked me over the screaming of my daughter.

When I got over to him, he handed me a pair of clippers and instructed me on what to do.

“Who does she look like?” Ben asked me tiredly when I walked back over to him.

“She’s got your eyes and my hair.”

Ben chuckled.

One of the nurses brought the bundle of pink that was our daughter, and placed her in Ben’s arms.

“What’s her name boys?” the nurse asked.

“Audrey May Worsnop,” Ben replied, rubbing his knuckle softly along her cheek bone.

I stood over him with one hand on his shoulder.

“We made a beautiful baby,” Ben said, turning his head to look at me.

I kissed his cheek softly. “And we are going to raise a beautiful baby.”