Status: There will be 3 chapters, with 3 diary entries in each chapter.
Whitenoise Radio
Act III
Dear Diary, August 25, 1995
I didn't leave an entry yesterday. Sorry. I found the radio. Well... I didn't find it. It found me. I can't sleep without the static now. It seems to know that.
I've been locked up in my room for the past few days. I haven't eaten or slept. I haven't talked to anyone since my nightmare. I keep having more of them but I'm starting to embrace them. The pain is beautiful. I feel that now. Every lash someone lays on me with a whip, I call out for more. With each knife jabbed into my wrists, I moan in pleasure. I deserve this. I'm embracing this. I love this.
Now I have new friends. I don't talk to my parents. They're worried about me. Why would they be worried about me? I'm happy again. I'm not depressed anymore. I cut again today. I felt alive, for once. The pain keeps me sane. It makes me feel alive. I'm not mad anymore, I'm as happy as it can be.
But about my new friends. I don't *see*. Most of the time, anyways. But they talk to me. They tell me how much they love me and would never hurt me. I trust them. They're all I can trust. Sometimes when I'm really good.... They'll let me see them. They show up as shadows on the wall. Shadows with faces. They're always disfigured, but that makes them so beautiful to me. They have scars and burn marks and they hurt themselves just like I do.
But Diary, I've talked a lot for today. I'm gonna end this entry here. Goodbye.
~Celeste
Dear Diary, August 26, 1995
Today was sooooo fun, Diary! I really gotta tell you about his. It feels nice having you. I trust you. Unlike my parents or my /friends/. Who cares about them? No one. Especially not me.
My NEW friends played with me today. We were hanging out and talking. I let them listen to my new CDs and they liked it. I tried on clothes for them and modeled. But I didn't like the clothes and neither did they. So we destroyed them. We took markers and bleach and whatever we could and we made them our own. We colored all my shoes.
It was so funny, too. Mommy walked in and saw it. She was so shocked, she dropped the plate of food she was going to bring to me. How cute. She's still convinced I'm still her loving daughter. She's trying to save me. That's adorable! She ran and got Daddy. I locked my door then. I didn't want them to bother me again. I didn't answer them yelling at me. I didn't unlock my door. Eventually they left.
They taught me things. They spoke again. They taught me new ways to hurt myself. Now I don't just cut. I have words all in my legs now. It's amazing.
Mommy thinks I'm going insane. How could she think that? I'm so happy! I have NEVER been so perky! She doesn't believe me. She says she's gonna call a doctor. She thinks they can fix me. How cute. I can't be fixed. How could you fix something that isn't broken?
Dear Diary, [Date Not Recorded]
Mommy cancelled my appointment. I told her that if she tried to call a doctor I would kill myself. She's afraid of me. Daddy's trying his hardest to cope with this and be a good father. He's drinking again. I thought he kicked that habit when I was a baby. Mommy won't drink. She smokes a lot more now, though.
I tried showing my new friends to my parents. My friends didn't like them. They told me to stay away. My parents didn't hear them talking to me. But I'm trusting them. They're going to be there for me through everything. I trust them. I even love them.
I haven't been to school in a week now. My old friends try to visit me now. They say they're going to pray for me to be better. If there's anything wrong, I don't WANT to get better.
I hurt myself really really bad. I'm experimenting with more kinds of torture. I began burning myself. My friends hurt the parts of me I can't reach. They only hurt me because they love me. They're making me beautiful. I'm so thankful I have them.
I'm never going back to my old life. I don't care how messed up anyone thinks I am anymore. Who needs real life? Who needs anyone else? If everyone lived like this.... Everything would be perfect.
I think I'm gonna practice more ways of self-harm today. Hopefully I'll end myself. I'm not gonna do it on purpose... No, I couldn't. But if it gets to the point where I die... Then I'll embrace it with open arms. The world won't even notice I'm gone.
I didn't leave an entry yesterday. Sorry. I found the radio. Well... I didn't find it. It found me. I can't sleep without the static now. It seems to know that.
I've been locked up in my room for the past few days. I haven't eaten or slept. I haven't talked to anyone since my nightmare. I keep having more of them but I'm starting to embrace them. The pain is beautiful. I feel that now. Every lash someone lays on me with a whip, I call out for more. With each knife jabbed into my wrists, I moan in pleasure. I deserve this. I'm embracing this. I love this.
Now I have new friends. I don't talk to my parents. They're worried about me. Why would they be worried about me? I'm happy again. I'm not depressed anymore. I cut again today. I felt alive, for once. The pain keeps me sane. It makes me feel alive. I'm not mad anymore, I'm as happy as it can be.
But about my new friends. I don't *see*. Most of the time, anyways. But they talk to me. They tell me how much they love me and would never hurt me. I trust them. They're all I can trust. Sometimes when I'm really good.... They'll let me see them. They show up as shadows on the wall. Shadows with faces. They're always disfigured, but that makes them so beautiful to me. They have scars and burn marks and they hurt themselves just like I do.
But Diary, I've talked a lot for today. I'm gonna end this entry here. Goodbye.
~Celeste
Dear Diary, August 26, 1995
Today was sooooo fun, Diary! I really gotta tell you about his. It feels nice having you. I trust you. Unlike my parents or my /friends/. Who cares about them? No one. Especially not me.
My NEW friends played with me today. We were hanging out and talking. I let them listen to my new CDs and they liked it. I tried on clothes for them and modeled. But I didn't like the clothes and neither did they. So we destroyed them. We took markers and bleach and whatever we could and we made them our own. We colored all my shoes.
It was so funny, too. Mommy walked in and saw it. She was so shocked, she dropped the plate of food she was going to bring to me. How cute. She's still convinced I'm still her loving daughter. She's trying to save me. That's adorable! She ran and got Daddy. I locked my door then. I didn't want them to bother me again. I didn't answer them yelling at me. I didn't unlock my door. Eventually they left.
They taught me things. They spoke again. They taught me new ways to hurt myself. Now I don't just cut. I have words all in my legs now. It's amazing.
Mommy thinks I'm going insane. How could she think that? I'm so happy! I have NEVER been so perky! She doesn't believe me. She says she's gonna call a doctor. She thinks they can fix me. How cute. I can't be fixed. How could you fix something that isn't broken?
Dear Diary, [Date Not Recorded]
Mommy cancelled my appointment. I told her that if she tried to call a doctor I would kill myself. She's afraid of me. Daddy's trying his hardest to cope with this and be a good father. He's drinking again. I thought he kicked that habit when I was a baby. Mommy won't drink. She smokes a lot more now, though.
I tried showing my new friends to my parents. My friends didn't like them. They told me to stay away. My parents didn't hear them talking to me. But I'm trusting them. They're going to be there for me through everything. I trust them. I even love them.
I haven't been to school in a week now. My old friends try to visit me now. They say they're going to pray for me to be better. If there's anything wrong, I don't WANT to get better.
I hurt myself really really bad. I'm experimenting with more kinds of torture. I began burning myself. My friends hurt the parts of me I can't reach. They only hurt me because they love me. They're making me beautiful. I'm so thankful I have them.
I'm never going back to my old life. I don't care how messed up anyone thinks I am anymore. Who needs real life? Who needs anyone else? If everyone lived like this.... Everything would be perfect.
I think I'm gonna practice more ways of self-harm today. Hopefully I'll end myself. I'm not gonna do it on purpose... No, I couldn't. But if it gets to the point where I die... Then I'll embrace it with open arms. The world won't even notice I'm gone.
♠ ♠ ♠
And that's all(: