I'll Be Right Beside You

Cam

I woke up to a searing headache, and the sensation that my body was full of lead. The effort it took to force my eyes open was overwhelming, and when I did the bright lights made them hurt enough that I let my heavy eyelids drop again.

“Cam?” The voice was so familiar, yet so rough and different; it took my foggy brain a moment to recognize it.

“Jordy?” My voice was a raspy whisper, and through the fog I heard the scrape of a chair on the floor and soon felt two large hands take mine and give it a gentle squeeze.

“Sweetheart are you all right? Please talk to me,” My heart broke at the sob in his voice.

“Jordy, I’m…” it hurt to talk, but I needed to let him know I was fine, because I couldn’t handle him crying. I forced my eyes open once more, and saw his haggard appearance – he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, and the growth of his beard was unruly and fairly long.

“Oh God Cam,” he cried, burying his face against my neck as he began to cry in earnest. I tried to put my hand on his back to comfort him, but found the effort too much, and so instead settled for squeezing his hand a little tighter.

“I was so scared Cam, you have no idea,” he started, speaking between sobs. “When I couldn’t get a hold of you I had a bad feeling… then when you just passed out on me… I was so worried…” It came back to me in bits and pieces now, and I felt my face turn red with shame. I’d promised him I wouldn’t go back to that cycle, and now look where I was. In a hospital bed, undoubtedly an IV in my hand, and everybody I loved worried sick when they shouldn’t have to be.

“I’m okay Jordy,” I croaked, and forced my other hand to co-operate as I softly finger combed his hair. “I’ll be okay, don’t worry,”

“Don’t worry? How can you say that!” he demanded, his head snapping up to look at me, the tears still streaming down his face.

“I watched my girlfriend pass out because she’s working herself too hard! I know how you’re feeling Cam, but I love you, and I’m not going to stand back and watch you do this to yourself!” he informed me, his voice ragged with emotion and pain as he sat up properly.

“I won’t—”

“Like hell you won’t! As soon as they release you you’ll do the exact same thing! I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of your life, but I’ll find a way for them to keep you off of the ice if this is what it’s going to do to you,” he promised, and I laid there, my foggy brain shocked into silence.

“Jordy,”

“Please don’t – I know you’ll be mad, but I have to tell you. I’m not going to sit back and watch you kill yourself over some thickheaded idiots who can’t get over you being in the NHL. I know it’s your dream, I know what it means to you, but it’s not worth this,” he insisted, and he turned away for a moment as the tears welled up in my eyes and slowly trickled down my cheeks.

“She’s up?” a nurse asked, alarm evident in her voice. Jordan didn’t look over at her, he kept his eyes on me, and she exited the room in a hurry, probably to get a doctor.

“I’ll be back, okay? I know she’ll kick me out when the doctor gets here, and I need to go pick up your mom from the airport anyway,” he whispered, and hesitantly grazed his lips against my forehead before leaving the room without another word.

When he finally returned he hovered by the doorway, and instead my mom burst into the room, her red eyes making it obvious she had been in tears. I felt like shit; I'd done this to her once already, I couldn't believe I was doing this to her again.

“Cam! You had me so worried… when Jordan called me…” she couldn’t keep her sentences flowing for fear of crying again as she pulled me into her arms. I weakly hugged her back, that same wave of guilt coming over me. If I’d been good enough to play this wouldn’t have happened.

“I’ll be okay mom,”

“You stop that right now,” she snapped, catching me off guard.

“You stop saying that when right now you have no intention of changing your ways,” she told me, and I weakly nodded. I felt so tired, but I didn’t want to go to sleep on them.

“Go to sleep sweetheart, we’ll be here when you wake up,” her voice was soft again, but I shook my head and fought my drowsiness.

“Please Cam?” Jordan asked, speaking for the first time since his return. He walked over to the other side of my bed and took my hand. It didn’t take long for the dark fuzzy edges to start impeding on my vision.

“Jordan?”

“What sweetheart?”

“I’m sorry,” I managed to whisper before I let the black completely cover up my vision.