I'll Be Right Beside You

Jordan

I sat there at Cam’s bedside every day we were home for the next week. I didn’t know what else to do – it killed me to be away from her, even though it hurt to sit there and watch her unconscious or sleeping form laying pale against the white bed sheets. Her mom spent almost every waking moment in the hospital next to her, so she was there whenever Cam came to and was conscious for a while. For the first few days I’d only seen her a few times where she was conscious and well enough to know what was going on. Most of the time she spent sleeping or almost comatose – the doctors had explained that it was her body’s way of recuperating and recharging, and had assured us it was completely normal, even though it didn’t really stop our worrying any.

My brothers had stopped in to see her when they’d been down to play, but both times she’d been asleep or unconscious, which had worried them even more. Jared had phoned me every couple of days to check on her, but every time the answer was basically the same. It wasn’t until about sixteen days after she’d been admitted that they’d allowed her to go home, but then it was to Sullivan’s, where someone could watch her. Cam had tried to convince her mom to return home, that she’d be all right, but Lauren was insisting on staying for a few more days to help Shelley out.

Helping Cam ‘move’ into the Sullivan’s was hard on me, when all I’d thought about for a few weeks before this happened was having her move in with me. Even though it was a little ridiculous, it felt like we were taking a huge step backwards, like this somehow made it feel like the possibility of us moving in together was getting smaller.

“Jordan, make yourself at home too – I know you want to stay and keep an eye on her, and I don’t blame you,” Shelley offered as I stood in the kitchen with her. Cam had just fallen asleep, and Steve had went to pick the kids up from school.

“I don’t want to be a bother to you guys,” I shrugged it off, but she insisted.

“No, Jordan I mean it. And I’ll even waive the no sharing a room rule for you two,” she told me with a hint of a grin. I had to chuckle then, before pulling Shelley in for a hug. She was like another mom to Cam, which kind of made her part of my family too, more than she had been before because of Steve.

“Thanks Shelley, I’ll probably stay a couple of nights then, just to make sure she’s doing all right,” I allowed, and she then ushered me out the door so I could go home, shower and pack some clothes before Cam woke up.

I answered TK, Kris, Geno and Sid’s calls once I got to my apartment. They were all eager for updates on Cam’s health, and I explained to them that she was staying at Sullivan’s for the supervision, and that she’d been up more often than not. Then I had to call Marc, Eric and Jared, as well as my parents to give them the updates as well – I knew I’d catch shit for not doing it, because they texted and called constantly to check up on her.

When I got back to Sullivan’s the house was full – the kids were home, Lauren and Shelley were in the kitchen debating on making supper, and Steve was likely downstairs or in the garage. So instead I went to Cam’s room, placing my bag on the floor next to hers before crawling in beside her. She seemed so small and frail compared to a few weeks ago, and that made my stomach roll. I hated to see her like this, and I hated feeling so helpless.

A small sound came from her throat as she rolled over and curled into my side. I smoothed her hair down and moved it off of her face before slowly kissing her forehead.

“Jordy?” she whispered, her voice hoarse.

“Yeah babe, I’m here,” I replied, and she let out a sigh before nuzzling her face against my chest. I tightened my grip around her, and kissed her forehead once more.

“Are you… gonna stay here too?” she asked quietly.

“For a few nights yeah, as long as Shelley and Steve are all right with it,” I answered, and she nodded before falling silent again. I rubbed her back, before finally speaking up.

“How are you feeling?” she shrugged, and I let out a sigh. I knew it would be hard for her to talk about it, but at the same time I knew we had to.

“Please?”

“Like shit,” she answered, the honesty making her voice even more hoarse. “I feel like I’m letting all of you down and hurting you because I’m not good enough. It’s like everything I’ve ever been afraid of happening my whole life is happening now and I can’t do a damn thing to fix it,” she sobbed, her face buried against me.

“Cam, babe that’s not true. You are good enough; you just aren’t seeing it yet. And you’re not letting us down babe, you were playing even better than last year, and seeing as you were second in the league in scoring last year I think that’s hardly disappointing. The only way you’re letting us down is by doing this to yourself – because you’re not taking the time to see what’s really going on, and you’re doing this to yourself by not giving yourself enough credit. We’re hurting because you’re hurting yourself. How could it not hurt me to watch the girl I love in pain?” I asked, and she sobbed again as I rubbed her back. I didn’t know how else to make her see it other than be a little brutally honest with her.

“I’m so sorry Jordy, I never meant to hurt you or my mom or Sullivan’s or anybody,” she sniffed, and I nodded.

“I know baby, I know you didn’t. That’s why you have to do anything you can to get better okay?”

“I will, I promise,” she whispered, pressing a butterfly-soft kiss to the corner of my lips before tucking her head under my chin.

“I love you babe,”

“I love you too,”