I'll Be Right Beside You

Cam

How fucking dare he; I thought he’d understood last season when we’d talked about it. Yeah, I understood that he didn’t like it, but like I’d told him almost a year ago, that’s the way it had to be. I’d never thought it would be such a big problem, but apparently I was wrong. I was here to play hockey, not to stand back and have Jordan play for me while I was the NHL’s new ‘Poster Kid’ being the first girl in the league, like I wasn’t capable of taking care of myself. It had me feeling pissed off and hurt all at once, a confusing mix of emotions that had me on edge.

“You two all right?” James asked quietly as we stood waiting for a commercial break to end. I nodded stiffly, not wanting to talk about it yet, and knowing Jordan he’d go off the deep end that I was telling all of this to some other guy.

“Yeah,”

“Bullshit you are,” he scoffed, catching Geno’s attention. I groaned internally, because I knew Geno wasn’t good at keeping secrets when he was worried it would hurt somebody. He always had everybody’s best interests at heart, which I loved about him, but that didn’t always help whomever was telling a secret to him.

“Look, it’s not really something for the middle of a game,” I insisted, but James shook his head.

“We’ve got a minute – spill it,” he insisted, and I sighed, leaning against my hockey stick.

“He’s pissy about me getting hit, and he’s pissy about the fact I can get into fights. He thinks he should be able to just step in whenever the hell he wants, but I can fucking handle myself,” I told him, and James nodded knowingly.

“So you’re pissy about him acting like this?” he said, and as much as I hated to admit it, I knew I was being bitchy about it.

“Yeah, I guess. But really, does he expect me to just fucking sit back and do nothing? If he wanted a little trophy girl who would sit at home then he better well look elsewhere,” I growled, and saw James pale slightly.

“Easy there Cam, that’s not what he wants, otherwise he never would’ve—”

“Don’t even say that James – you know as well as I do that he wants a wife to come home to every night and a house full of kids! I can’t give him any of that right now, and if he expects me to just give up what I’ve worked my whole damn life for he can shove it up his ass!” James floundered for a minute, unsure of what to tell me because he knew what I said was mostly true. While Jordan sure as hell hadn’t been like that when I first met him, he definitely wanted something similar to what his brothers had. Which was namely a stay-at home mom for his kids, someone who would always be there waiting for him to come home. And I wasn’t ready to give all of this up yet, not after having been so close to losing it.

“I’m sure he doesn’t expect that of you Cam; you just need to take a breather from this and look at it with a clear head, all right?” I slowly nodded, wondering why the hell I was asking James of all people for relationship advice.

“I’ll try talking to him Cam; you know he’s a little overprotective, especially of you. It’s just because he loves you,” he informed me, and while I nodded I knew it sure as hell didn’t feel like he loved me when we were having a mini yelling match on the bench.

“Sure,” I sighed, and saw the refs’ signal for the game to resume, and skated over to my wing position. Geno clapped my shoulder as I went by, offering me a grin, which I half-heartedly returned before getting ready for the faceoff.

I spent the remainder of the game avoiding Jordan wherever it was possible. I saw the few hurt looks, but for the most part he still looked as angry as I felt. Marc had given me a few confused glances, and had attempted to talk to me about it but I managed to avoid him whenever we were waiting for the puck to drop.

~

After the game I went back to the locker room with the guys to do media stuff, and had a few interviews asking about my first game back, how it felt, what I thought of my goal, etcetera, but thankfully no one asked about Jordan and I’s blowout on the bench, but undoubtedly there would be speculation about it online. As soon as the reporters had left I stalked out, going to the smaller room that Dan had deemed my locker room and that he and Mario were actually making plans to put in a full bathroom and the whole bit. I just wanted to be there by myself to clear my head, and not put up with Jordan right now. Once the guys all cleared out of their locker room I’d go and shower, because I hated going home all gross from a game.

I heard hesitant knocking at the door, and then saw Steve poke his head in, a hand over his eyes in case I was changing, which made me chuckle.

“I’m dressed Steve – it’s okay,” I rolled my eyes, and he let an easy grin fall onto his features as he let himself in and then sat down beside me.

“You had an incredible game tonight my girl; I’m proud of you,” he immediately told me, pulling me in for a quick hug. I returned it, and stayed leaning against him as we sat in silence for a few minutes. I realized that he wanted to ask about Jordan, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell him about what had taken place. He’d probably heard the jist of it, but knowing Steve he wanted the information straight from my mouth rather than hearing it second hand and filling in the blanks himself.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked, and I just shrugged, unsure of what exactly to tell him. I was such a bundle of confusion right now that I didn't even know whether or not I was okay. I didn't know how I was feeling; whether I was mad at Jordan for saying what he did or upset at the fact that I was pretty sure I wasn't what he wanted or angry at myself for blowing up at him.

“I don’t know right now,” I finally admitted, and felt him softly rub my back.

“Well, if you want a break from him for a bit you can stay with us so you can get a little distance to clear your head and figure out where you stand,” he offered, just as I knew he would.
“I’m not sure right now, but if I come knocking you’ll know,” I teased, getting a solemn smile out of him. I hated feeling like they were always going out of their way for me, even though they assured me it was all right.

“Sounds good sweetheart. I’m going to go check the shower situation, okay? I’ll come back and let you know,” he offered, taking a moment before standing up and leaving. I leaned back against the wall, slowly expelling a long breath, before I realized that there were tears in my eyes.

“Hello?” there was a knock, and I turned to see James stick his head in the door. He took one quick look at me and came in, pulling me in for a hug. I was caught a little off guard, because James and I weren’t really all that close, but I was glad for his support.

“It’ll be all right Cam, don’t worry. You two will cool off and then you can talk about it,” he murmured. I didn’t want to reply, too afraid of what might come out of my mouth, so instead I just buried my face against his chest and stayed there.

“You can bunk with me if you want – you know there’s a shit ton of empty space at my house anyway,” he offered, and again I was surprised. He’d taken the news of me being a girl really hard, so anything like this was a bit of a shock.

“James, you don’t have to—”

“Hey, you’re my teammate, and I want to help you out; it’s no problem. Besides I have to make up for being such an ass when I found out you were a girl,” he insisted, and finally I nodded, cracking a smile at his teasing.

“That would be good – I really don’t want to deal with him tonight,” I sighed, knowing that my temper would get the best of me, and that would set Jordan’s off too.

“Did you guys drive together…?” he asked, and I nodded, feeling myself blush.

“That’s okay; you can just hop in with me – or Steve maybe if that would be less weird – get a few things and then I can pick you up or you can drive to my place. That way I can make up the spare room and make sure the house is clean enough for a girl to come stay,” he teased, making me laugh.

“I’m almost afraid now – I can’t imagine what your bachelor pad looks like when you haven’t spent two days cleaning,” I shot back, and he rolled his eyes before ruffling my hair.

Steve stuck his head back in the door, looking confused as he saw James and I sitting together; my head on James’ shoulder and his arms around me, both of us laughing.

“Locker room’s all cleared out, but I think Jordan’s waiting for you sweetheart,”
“Can I catch a ride to my place with you Steve?” I quietly asked, and felt James gently squeeze my shoulders in support.

“Of course – I’ll go tell him he can leave without you. And I assume you want him to go to his own apartment?” he asked for clarification. I nodded, and Steve left to break Jordan the news. For the first time since we’d talked about it I was glad Jordan and I hadn’t agreed on a place together yet.

“Well, I’ll see you in a little bit okay?” I asked James nervously. He nodded, standing up as well.

“Will do – now go shower because you stink,” he told me, giving me a playful shove toward the door. I stuck my tongue out at him before we left; he turned right to go toward the player’s lot and his car, me going left to head for the showers.

This could be a long, painful night.