Status: On Hiatus

I'll Be Right Beside You

Thirty Five

Jordan

I’d been walking back to the living room from the kitchen with another beer when my phone had vibrated in my pocket. I had read the message, and felt my phone slip out of my hand and bounce onto the floor, unable to comprehend what I’d just seen. It was like my brain went fuzzy, like I had no control over what I was doing. Sid, Marc, TK and Tanger all turned to stare at me, while I felt myself start to shake. My heart began to pound after it had momentarily stopped, and all I could hear was my blood rushing through my ears. Disbelief hit me, before I went over the message several times in my head, each time the words appearing more and more final, more and more painful.

“Gronk? You all right?” Marc asked, and I shook my head. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. There was no way, no fucking way. Not like this, not without getting to talk, to explain, to beg for her forgiveness and tell her that I love her. That she’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. Not without asking if we meant anything to her.

“Jordan?” TK and Sidney sounded worried, but I couldn’t do anything. Sidney slowly moved toward me and picked my phone up from off of the floor, and read the message through the crack on the side of the screen. He paled and his eyes widened before he turned to me and wordlessly pulled me into a hug.

“Jordan? Sid? Will you tell us what is going on?” Kris asked, and then the sob ripped loose from my chest, which probably scared my friends shitless. I’d never cried in front of them, and I really didn’t want to start now, but there was no way I could keep this all inside.

“She…” was all I could force out as Sid gently got me to the couch and I collapsed onto it.

“She broke up with him,” he whispered, and soon the room was in stunned silence, with the exception of me.

“No way,” TK immediately refused the idea, which almost made me laugh. Sid handed him my phone, and the look of pity on his face was almost more than I could stand. I didn’t want pity, or sympathy – I wanted my girlfriend in my arms. Ex girlfriend, I guess.

That caused another gut-wrenching sob, and it was starting to hurt now, but I couldn’t stop. All I could think of was her finding someone else, in someone else’s arms. She was probably with James right now, or talking with Jared. Either of them could take care of her and treat her better than I could, but I would never look at Jared the same way if he did that to me. James I could never forgive, and really wouldn’t have to, but I would have to deal with Jared because he was my brother. If he made her happy, then that was all right, I guess. But it was excruciatingly painful to think that another man would be the one who would get to see her walk down the aisle in a white dress, meet him at the door with a kiss, take their kids to school, let alone picture my little brother being that man.

I knew he’d liked her from the get-go; the way he talked to her, vied for her attention, it had been obvious. Painful, but obvious, and maybe Cam had realized this and figured he was her future and her life rather than me. Everything I wanted in my life had just disappeared with one single text message. I would have never believed something like that could happen, but here I was.

“Shit Jord, I’m so sorry man,” TK put a hand on my back, and soon Marc and Kris were similarly trying to console me. There was nothing they would be able to do, short of getting Cam to change her mind. I’d never love anybody the way I love her.

“Sorry won’t get her back Ty,” I whispered, and a fresh assault of tears hit me. They didn’t know what to do, which I didn’t blame them because I wasn’t good at this shit either, but I had to give them credit for trying.

“I know Jord, but you’ll work it out, you’ll be okay,”

“No I won’t! How can I be okay without her Ty? You don’t get it, you don’t know what it’s like to find somebody who you can actually see spending the rest of your life with, who you miss when they’re even just gone to the goddamn grocery store!” I shot at him, leaving him floundering for words.

“And even worse to have to know it’s your own damn fault,” I whispered, before realizing I couldn’t face them. I couldn’t face my friends and let them try to help me when it was all my own damn fault that I could very possibly spend the rest of my life alone and miserable. I hadn’t been good enough for her from day one, and I guess now she’d finally realized it. The fact that I couldn’t even man up enough to call her had probably been the last straw.

I went out to my car and leaned against it, the cold Pittsburgh air helping a little to clear my head.

“You’re not driving home Jord – not like this. I’ll drive you, and Marc’s going to follow behind in your car so you don’t have to come back and get it,” Sidney informed me, taking my keys from my hand, tossing them to Marc, and then getting in the driver’s seat of his Land Rover, waiting expectantly for me to get in. I finally complied, and stared out the window without seeing anything as we drove from Tyler’s place to mine. I didn’t even want to go in, not when every room held so many memories of her, when so many of her things were there.

When the engagement ring I’d bought was sitting in my closet.