‹ Prequel: Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me
Status: On Hiatus
I'll Be Right Beside You
Forty Eight
Cam
Practice drug on forever, even though it was just a pre-game skate. Having to listen to the guys tease Cam about Claude sneaking out of the hotel to stay at her place was hellish, to say the least. That, and it had to be the most well-known secret ever; even though probably the whole Flyer team knew, coach included, it didn’t seem to be a problem. Probably because Cam got him to his skate at least a good ten minutes early, something that apparently he wasn’t known for doing on his own.
By the time practice was over I had myself so worked up about the whole thing it was ridiculous. I was sure Cam noticed, because James and Sid definitely had, but every time they tried to ask about it I shook it off. I showered as quickly as I could, hoping to just get the hell out and get back to my apartment so I could try and drown out the thoughts. Instead Dan pulled me aside, asking to speak with me. I followed him to his office and took a seat, knowing he’d start to talk when he was ready.
“Look, I, well I know this isn’t really any of my business, but how are you after everything?” he asked, catching me off guard.
“What?”
“The whole thing with Cam, are you okay?” he repeated, and I felt my mouth move a few times but no sound came out. This was the last thing I’d have ever expected from Dan. He cared, but he always kept a professional distance when it came to things like this.
“I, yeah, I’m fine,” I insisted, but he sighed, shaking his head.
“Jordan, how long have I known you?”
“Five years,” I answered, and he nodded.
“Exactly, and that’s long enough to know when you’re okay and when you’re not. And you’re not okay – I’d leave well enough alone but it’s even affecting the way you play hockey. You never let these things affect your game Gronk, so it must be big,” he explained, and I swallowed hard. He had no idea.
“I… you’re right, I’m really not okay. But there’s nothing I can do to change that except wait and hope I get over it. I will, and I know I’ve been a little off my game, but I’m working on it, I promise,” I told him, hoping we could leave this be.
I wasn’t that lucky, and wasn’t walking out of his office until nearly a half hour later, feeling ridiculous and frustrated, which only added to the mix of emotions I was already experiencing because the fucking Flyer was in town. It made my blood boil every time I thought about it, knowing that the guy was waiting at Cam’s apartment for her to get back.
Slamming the door I got into my car and started it up, grumbling to myself before taking a deep breath and turning the CD player on. I knew I needed to calm down and relax so I could drive back to my apartment – in my current state I wouldn’t get anywhere. Only when I was sure I had a handle on my emotions did I put the car in gear and drive to the exit of the player’s lot. I checked both ways, seeing the light to my left was red, and pulled out. As if I’d driven into a brick fucking wall I slammed against the seatbelt what seemed like an instant later, a searing pain coursing through the left side of my body.
I could hear a horn blaring, and let out a groan as I blinked, wishing whoever the hell it was would lay off. It took a while but my eyes finally focused, and then I couldn’t help but wonder why I was staring at my steering wheel, and even worse that there was something dripping off of it. My car was always fairly clean on the inside, and I couldn’t figure out what I would have spilled that was such a weird consistency. I didn’t see any soda pop bottles or anything like that, which had me racking my brain for a bit of an explanation.
“Jordan! Oh my God, Jordan!” with an ache in my neck that I couldn’t place I lifted my head, not having a goddamn clue where the hell I was. Cam’s muted voice was familiar, however, and I looked for her. When I couldn’t move I began to panic, wondering what the hell was going on. My head and neck refused to move, as well as my arms or anything else, and I felt the anxiety creeping up on my as I raked the scene in front of me looking for her.
“Jordan!” she pounded on the window, looking close to tears. I tried to tell her I couldn’t move, but found that no words were coming out. She ran around the front of my vehicle before wrenching open the passenger door and crawling into the passenger seat. Then I could tell that tears were in fact streaming down her cheeks. I wanted to say something, do something – anything – to make them stop. Seeing her cry was the most painful thing I think I’d ever experienced, even though right now was a very close second.
“Oh my God, are you okay? Jordy say something, anything!” she begged, reaching over to gingerly touch my cheek.
“I’m… what happened?” I asked, feeling her cup my cheek now rather than just hardly brushing my skin. She choked on a sob then, and grabbed my hand.
“I saw you pull out… you were fine but then that car ran the red light and hit you and…” her voice tuned out as I processed what she’d just said. I’d been in a car accident? That would explain why I was in a car, but not why I couldn’t remember it.
“Jordy? Jordan, please stay with me; the ambulance are on the way, okay? Just look at me Jordan,” she cried, squeezing my hand tighter. I struggled to keep my eyes on her face, feeling like I was slowly losing my grip on everything that was going on around me. The edges of my vision were turning black, and I swallowed hard, not knowing what this meant. If I was just in a car accident maybe I was dying… but surely a guy would know, right? I mean, I didn’t think I was dying, but then again the way the black was invading my line of sight at an ever-increasing rate coupled with my inability to move and the pain were the hints.
“Cam…”
“I’m right here Jordy, I’m gonna be right here, just hold on,” she cried, and looking into those dark, stormy blue eyes made things flash before my own. Being back at the farm with my parents and brothers. The draft. Winning the cup. Meeting Cam. Several other memories that included her and my family, before I swallowed hard. If I was going to die I was at least going to make sure she knew how I felt, even if I’d managed to screw it all up. So I looked into her eyes best as I could while my vision diminished, and somehow found the strength to speak.
“I love you,”
Practice drug on forever, even though it was just a pre-game skate. Having to listen to the guys tease Cam about Claude sneaking out of the hotel to stay at her place was hellish, to say the least. That, and it had to be the most well-known secret ever; even though probably the whole Flyer team knew, coach included, it didn’t seem to be a problem. Probably because Cam got him to his skate at least a good ten minutes early, something that apparently he wasn’t known for doing on his own.
By the time practice was over I had myself so worked up about the whole thing it was ridiculous. I was sure Cam noticed, because James and Sid definitely had, but every time they tried to ask about it I shook it off. I showered as quickly as I could, hoping to just get the hell out and get back to my apartment so I could try and drown out the thoughts. Instead Dan pulled me aside, asking to speak with me. I followed him to his office and took a seat, knowing he’d start to talk when he was ready.
“Look, I, well I know this isn’t really any of my business, but how are you after everything?” he asked, catching me off guard.
“What?”
“The whole thing with Cam, are you okay?” he repeated, and I felt my mouth move a few times but no sound came out. This was the last thing I’d have ever expected from Dan. He cared, but he always kept a professional distance when it came to things like this.
“I, yeah, I’m fine,” I insisted, but he sighed, shaking his head.
“Jordan, how long have I known you?”
“Five years,” I answered, and he nodded.
“Exactly, and that’s long enough to know when you’re okay and when you’re not. And you’re not okay – I’d leave well enough alone but it’s even affecting the way you play hockey. You never let these things affect your game Gronk, so it must be big,” he explained, and I swallowed hard. He had no idea.
“I… you’re right, I’m really not okay. But there’s nothing I can do to change that except wait and hope I get over it. I will, and I know I’ve been a little off my game, but I’m working on it, I promise,” I told him, hoping we could leave this be.
I wasn’t that lucky, and wasn’t walking out of his office until nearly a half hour later, feeling ridiculous and frustrated, which only added to the mix of emotions I was already experiencing because the fucking Flyer was in town. It made my blood boil every time I thought about it, knowing that the guy was waiting at Cam’s apartment for her to get back.
Slamming the door I got into my car and started it up, grumbling to myself before taking a deep breath and turning the CD player on. I knew I needed to calm down and relax so I could drive back to my apartment – in my current state I wouldn’t get anywhere. Only when I was sure I had a handle on my emotions did I put the car in gear and drive to the exit of the player’s lot. I checked both ways, seeing the light to my left was red, and pulled out. As if I’d driven into a brick fucking wall I slammed against the seatbelt what seemed like an instant later, a searing pain coursing through the left side of my body.
I could hear a horn blaring, and let out a groan as I blinked, wishing whoever the hell it was would lay off. It took a while but my eyes finally focused, and then I couldn’t help but wonder why I was staring at my steering wheel, and even worse that there was something dripping off of it. My car was always fairly clean on the inside, and I couldn’t figure out what I would have spilled that was such a weird consistency. I didn’t see any soda pop bottles or anything like that, which had me racking my brain for a bit of an explanation.
“Jordan! Oh my God, Jordan!” with an ache in my neck that I couldn’t place I lifted my head, not having a goddamn clue where the hell I was. Cam’s muted voice was familiar, however, and I looked for her. When I couldn’t move I began to panic, wondering what the hell was going on. My head and neck refused to move, as well as my arms or anything else, and I felt the anxiety creeping up on my as I raked the scene in front of me looking for her.
“Jordan!” she pounded on the window, looking close to tears. I tried to tell her I couldn’t move, but found that no words were coming out. She ran around the front of my vehicle before wrenching open the passenger door and crawling into the passenger seat. Then I could tell that tears were in fact streaming down her cheeks. I wanted to say something, do something – anything – to make them stop. Seeing her cry was the most painful thing I think I’d ever experienced, even though right now was a very close second.
“Oh my God, are you okay? Jordy say something, anything!” she begged, reaching over to gingerly touch my cheek.
“I’m… what happened?” I asked, feeling her cup my cheek now rather than just hardly brushing my skin. She choked on a sob then, and grabbed my hand.
“I saw you pull out… you were fine but then that car ran the red light and hit you and…” her voice tuned out as I processed what she’d just said. I’d been in a car accident? That would explain why I was in a car, but not why I couldn’t remember it.
“Jordy? Jordan, please stay with me; the ambulance are on the way, okay? Just look at me Jordan,” she cried, squeezing my hand tighter. I struggled to keep my eyes on her face, feeling like I was slowly losing my grip on everything that was going on around me. The edges of my vision were turning black, and I swallowed hard, not knowing what this meant. If I was just in a car accident maybe I was dying… but surely a guy would know, right? I mean, I didn’t think I was dying, but then again the way the black was invading my line of sight at an ever-increasing rate coupled with my inability to move and the pain were the hints.
“Cam…”
“I’m right here Jordy, I’m gonna be right here, just hold on,” she cried, and looking into those dark, stormy blue eyes made things flash before my own. Being back at the farm with my parents and brothers. The draft. Winning the cup. Meeting Cam. Several other memories that included her and my family, before I swallowed hard. If I was going to die I was at least going to make sure she knew how I felt, even if I’d managed to screw it all up. So I looked into her eyes best as I could while my vision diminished, and somehow found the strength to speak.
“I love you,”