I'll Be Right Beside You

“Hey Cam – how you holding up,” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair when Jared’s familiar face popped up on my computer screen. In the week and a half he’d been gone I missed my redhead.

“All right, “ I allowed, and saw his eyebrow move up. “Better if my best friend would get his ass traded over here.”

Jared laughed once I said that and he found I was in a mood good enough to tease. “Well I’m working on it, you know teams don’t want to part with talent like this,” he flexed his arms and puffed out his chest, making me laugh.

“You’re such a tool,”

“But you love me anyway,” he sing-songed, before settling down. Our half-hour conversation was too short, but we were both falling asleep so decided to call it a night. I checked some emails and did a few things before changing into my pajamas and trying to go to sleep. I did everything I could think of; counting sheep, listening to music, reading, but nothing was working. The tall blonde that was in the other room had a lot to do with it, because I could hear him shifting and realized he was having trouble sleeping too. He was quiet for a while, so I got up to check on him just to be sure. I couldn’t help but grin; he was lying on his stomach spread across the whole bed, one pillow under his arm and against his side. So I quietly shut the door and returned to my own room, wishing sleep would come that easily to me.

When I padded out to the kitchen in the morning I felt like death warmed over. Worse than that I knew I would be as bitchy as death warmed over. I downed a glass of water quickly before making some hot chocolate and curling up on the couch, pulling a blanket around me. Two, three hours tops was all I got for sleep, and I didn’t do well on little sleep. I didn’t want to end up snapping at Jordan because I was in a bad mood, I knew this was rough for him to handle as it was, I didn’t need to be making things worse.

“Cam?” I turned to see Jordan standing in the hall, sleepily rubbing his eyes. He reminded me so much of his nephew while this was going on – the shyness, his wonder at everything that was going on, his questions, the way his face lit up when he remembered something or did something.

“Yeah Jord?” I softened my voice, not wanting to snap at him when he’d done nothing wrong.

“Why’re you up so early?” he asked, making his way over to me. Without hesitation he curled up to me, resting his head against my stomach and curling his feet under the edge of the cushion to keep them warm. I pulled the second blanket down and helped him pull it over his feet before putting a hand in his wheat blonde hair.

“I just couldn’t sleep last night Jordy, that’s all,” I sighed, feeling him begin to drift off again as I played with his hair. He let out a monstrous yawn before snuggling back up, making me laugh.

“What?”

“It’s nothing Jord,” I assured him, nodding when those big blue eyes turned up to look at me.

“Okay,” he finally allowed. Soon enough he was snoring, and I sighed, not feeling anywhere near sleep. I finished my hot chocolate and turned the TV on quietly, catching the scores from the games we’d missed last night while watching the guys play.

The phone rang, catching me off guard and making me jump. Jordan let out a whine before burying his face against me, trying to stay asleep. I realized I must’ve dozed off, and after looking at the clock realized I’d slept for an hour and a half. Better than nothing.

“Hello?” I answered, not bothering to check who it was.

“Hey Cam, wanna come get me from the airport in like three hours?” I straightened up slightly at the familiar voice.

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I am!”

“You really should be playing Jare, don’t give them a reason they don’t have to send you back to Charlotte,” I reminded him, and heard him sigh.

“Cam, the coach knows about everything going on with Jord. Hell, the whole damn hockey world knows about what happened to him, he said it’s fine if I spend a few more days up in Pittsburgh with you guys,” he insisted. We had a quick conversation before hanging up as Jared went to get on his plane. I put the phone back on it’s charger and was met with Jordan’s inquisitive gaze.

“Who was that?”

“Your little brother is coming up to help keep an eye on you,” I teased, mussing up his hair. His brow furrowed slightly before he let them relax.

“Right… Jared’s in the NHL now…” he mumbled, the thought still throwing him off a little. As far as he actually remembered, Jared was still a high school student.

“Yeah, and he’s worried about you. Eric too, but I think the Canes need him if they have a hope of playoffs this year,” Jordan chuckled then, relaxing again as he had when he’d been sleeping.

“That’s because Jared’s a tool,” he announced, making me shake my head.

“Are you hungry?” I asked, changing the topic. Jordan shrugged, before looking to me.

“Are you?”

“I’m okay, I’m just whipped is all,” He nodded, reaching up and pushing my messy hair off of my face. He tucked it behind my ear, and I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed before cupping my cheek softly, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. I leaned into his hand with a sigh, bringing a sweet smile to his face as he realized I wasn’t going to pull away or reprimand him for doing something like this.

“Want me to make you something?” he asked, but I shook my head. He looked a little disappointed for a second before speaking up, keeping his gaze on the floor.

“Right… I forgot my hands won’t work properly,” he sighed.

“It’s not that Jord; I’m really just not that hungry,” I insisted, not wanting him to get upset again. The doctors had warned me that until he got his memory back and was, for lack of a better definition, completely stable that it wouldn’t take much to trigger him. The hospital was more than likely what had set him off before – that caused him just as much panic as everything else that was happening to him.

“If you’re bound and determined, go for it,” I told him, and he turned his big blue eyes to me, wondering if I was being sarcastic or honest.

“Serious – if you want to make something go for it. One condition; if you need help you damn well ask,” I warned him, and the tiniest hint of a smile came to his lips, bringing my Jordan back. He nodded before getting up and hobbling around the kitchen. I left him to his own devices as I pulled out the novel I’d been too busy to read for the past couple of weeks and opened it as I kept listening for Jordan moving around the kitchen. I got through about fifty pages before Jordan was back, shakily carrying two plates with grilled cheese sandwiches on them. He had a serious expression on his face, and I realized he was watching his shaking hands and trying to get them to steady, as well as dealing with his uncooperative leg. I had no concept of how frustrating that must be for him; Jordan had some of the steadiest hands I’d ever seen.

“Thanks Jord,” I grinned, and his face lit up as he sat down beside me. We ate in silence, listening to music on the TV while we finished off the sandwiches. I stood up and held my hand out for Jordan’s empty plate, and saw he was about to stubbornly refuse.

“Hey, you cooked, that means I clean, all right?” I told him, and saw him relax. He didn’t want me to be babying him, which I understood, but he had to realize that as of right now he had limitations.

“Okay,” he quietly agreed and handed me his plate before stifling a yawn. I grinned and ruffled his hair on my way to the kitchen, sure he’d be out for a nap in minutes. I washed up the plates as well as the frying pan and the few other kitchen utensils Jordan had placed in the sink after using, before walking back over to the couch. Jordan was struggling to stay awake, his arms crossed and his hands tucked against his sides so they wouldn’t tremor. I reached down and softly ran my hand through his hair, and with a yawn he managed to crack his eyes open at me.

“Nap?” he quietly suggested, making me almost tear up. It was like seeing Parker, because the little boy would have asked the exact same way with the exact same expression on his face. My Jordan would have given me a teasing smile and pulled me down onto the couch with him.

“Tired?” I asked, and he nodded before turning so that his face was resting against my hand.

“Do you want to crawl into your bed or…?” his cheeks flushed pink, and he dropped his eyes so he wasn’t looking at me when he shook his head.

“I, um… would you…?”

“Jord it’s okay,” I softly assured him as I walked around the couch. I made him sit up for a moment so I could sit down on the couch, and then pulled his shoulders in, letting him rest his head in the crook of my arm while I fingered through his hair with my free hand. He curled into me, wrapping an arm around my waist as he brought his feet up to bury them underneath the cushion. I covered him up with the blanket, and softly rubbed his back until those long blonde eyelashes fluttered and he fell asleep.

We stayed like that until I realized I would need to leave to pick up Jared from the airport. I didn’t want to move or wake Jordan up, knowing that he needed as much rest as he could get, but I really had no way to move or get up without waking him.

“Hey, Jord – why don’t you crawl into bed for a bit okay?” I softly suggested, and he furrowed his brow before burying his face against my side.

“No…”

“Come on hon – I’ve got to go pick up Jared from the airport, remember?” he finally opened his eyes, the bright blue orbs staring up at me with such childlike innocence I almost got teary eyed.
“Do you have to? Isn’t… Isn’t Jared old enough to drive now?” he asked, and I smiled as I smoothed the hair away from his face.

“Yes, he is, but he has no car here, remember? I’ll be quick, I promise. Why don’t we get you comfy in your bed and when you wake up I’ll probably be back,” I suggested. With an awkward yawn he nodded before slowly getting up. He was still more asleep than he was awake, so I took his hand and gently led him to his room, pulling the covers back for him and tucking him in once he was comfortable.

“Thanks Cam,” he mumbled against the pillows, his eyes already shut.

“You’re welcome Jord,” I whispered before pressing a whisper-soft kiss to his forehead, smoothing his hair down once more before going to leave.

“I love you,” I bit my lip as the words left his mouth, before continuing on my way out of his room. I couldn’t say them back, as much as I wanted to and as much as I still loved him… I couldn’t. Not like this.