I'll Be Right Beside You

“What the hell?” I vaguely heard someone speaking, but instead buried my face against my pillow, not ready to get up yet.

“She’s tired Jordan – she hardly slept last night,” right. Jared was my pillow, and that’s why my warm pillow moved and spoke. He was rubbing my back, and I was ready to completely drift off again before the second voice spoke up.

“That doesn’t mean you need to do that!”

“Jordan, we’re not like that—”

“And that’s why you put your bag in her room?” I internally groaned, not realizing Jordan would react. I thought he’d understood that Jared and I were close; I’d explained it to him on more than one occasion since his accident when he’d walk in and I’d be Skyping Jared or talking on the phone with him. Even when Jordan was still in the hospital he’d asked on more than one occasion what was up between us.

I struggled, but managed to open my eyes, and both brothers went silent. Jordan was standing between the kitchen and living room, his hands in fists as they trembled at his sides. Jared however looked calm as he gave me a little smile.

“Have a good sleep?” his question was light, as if he and Jordan hadn’t just been arguing. It had never occurred to me that Jordan would take any of this the wrong way – Jared had slept in my bed on more than one occasion, it was like when you’re kids staying somewhere and your parents make you and your sibling share a bed. There was nothing romantic or sexual about it, so we hadn’t realized it wouldn’t look that way to Jordan.

“Yeah, thanks. How long was I out for?” I asked, and Jared chuckled.

“Almost three hours. Is that enough to get you through the rest of the day?” he teased. I rolled my eyes before sitting up properly and stretching, scooting onto the couch beside Jared rather than staying seated on his lap, because Jordan looked ready to blow a fuse.

“Jared, can I talk to you?” he finally managed to get out. Jared sighed before nodding, and I took that as a hint to leave the living room. I got up and went to my room, closing the door behind me. I had no doubts Jordan would blow up, because his emotions were so on the swing as it was right now, but I hoped Jared could handle him and calm him down if it came to that.

“What the hell man?” Jordan’s voice was loud and clear, even in my room.

“Jordan, listen to me—”

“No! How could you… I love her Jared,”

“Jord, I know that; she loves you too,” Jared calmly started to speak, but was cut off again by his older brother.

“So it’s okay to sleep with her?” Jordan asked, and I knew Jared would be stunned, just as I was. The fact Jordan would come out with that was astounding; he’d never had any reason to believe we would do that.

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not sleeping with Cam,” Jared insisted.

“Oh yeah? So why’s your stuff in her room? Where are you sleeping tonight?” he challenged, and Jared was quiet for a moment.

“Jordan, we aren’t having sex, okay? It’s not the first time we’ve slept in the same bed,” I winced almost immediately, knowing that was the wrong choice of words. I creeped over to the door and opened it a tiny bit, knowing I might need to step in and save Jared. Jordan was still in the same spot, his hands shaking even worse as he got upset.

“What’s that supposed to mean Jared?” just as I’d feared Jared was backpedalling trying to find a way to explain it that would make sense.

“Look, Jord, it’s completely platonic. She’s like a sister to me, okay? She took it really rough when you two broke up, and with the whole Claude thing, she kind of had a meltdown, all right? I was up here a few days before our game, and she was in no position to be by herself. So I crawled in with her; both of us had our clothes on, nothing happened, we just curled up and went to sleep. Would you rather I’d left her there crying?” Jared asked, and Jordan crumpled. It wasn’t just his hands shaking, his shoulders slumped, and I wondered if he was trying not to cry.

“I did that to her?” I barely caught his whisper, and had to put a hand over my mouth to keep from sobbing as the tears started to run down my cheeks.

“Jord, both of you were pretty bad, it wasn’t like—”

“What happened Jared? She won’t tell me, she doesn’t want to talk about it until my memory’s back… but I need to know. It’s killing me – what did I do?” he asked, his voice breaking a little. I leaned against the wall and slid down it until I was sitting, trying to keep from outright bawling.

“Jord, that’s not really my place to say. You guys got into a huge fight –it wasn’t the first one about this either – and you just weren’t working through it. That’s about all I can tell you Jordan; there’s a reason she wants to wait until you can remember it,”

“Why’s that?”

“Because having somebody tell you? You’re going to get a biased story. You won’t know your reasons for doing or saying what you did, you’re just going to see the story however the person telling you sees it. Even I can’t tell you Jord; I’m pretty biased about it as it is,” Jared explained, and Jordan’s head dropped as he sniffled.

“You were mad at me too?”

“Mad? Jord I was livid. I was pissed – she’s my best friend, and you hurt her. You really, really hurt her, and because we’re so close I understood her side of the argument better than yours. I saw your side of it too, don’t get me wrong, but I was definitely on her side of the whole thing,” he answered

“Jared… what could I have done that was that awful? I must’ve done something terrible to her if even you were pissed at me,” Jordan’s frame was wracked with quiet sobs as I watched from my seat just inside my door. Jared came up and wrapped his arms around his older brother and pulled him close. I dropped my head into my hands, feeling like Jordan had just pulled my heart out and thrown it on the ground. To see him like this was so painful; to see him this upset and confused and angry, it was almost more than I could bear. I was resorting to biting my lip to try and cry quietly, but I was quickly losing my battle.

“Cam?” I heard a shaky voice come from the two of them, unable to tell at that moment whether it was Jared or Jordan. I couldn’t look up; I couldn’t look at either of them without letting all of the tears and the sobs loose.

“Come here Cam; it’ll be all right,” a strong pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me in, tearing a sob loose in the process. I looked up to see Jared’s green eyes swimming with tears as he pulled me against his chest. He rubbed my back softly, and I didn’t know whether to lean in and let him comfort me or if it would upset Jordan even more. I looked over to see Jordan was standing in the doorway, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry Cam,” he whispered, and bent down so he could press a kiss to the top of my head before retreating to his room. After that I leaned heavily against Jared, letting him pull me onto his lap and hold me until the tears ran dry.