Status: On Hiatus

I'll Be Right Beside You

Sixty One

“Morning,” I whispered as Cam started to shift and wake up. She’d tossed and turned all night; more than once she’d waken up in tears and I’d done my best to calm her down and ease her back to sleep. I knew Jordan felt awful about the argument we’d got into; more because Cam had heard and got upset about it than anything. I understood where his anger had came from; all he knew was that he loved Cam, didn’t know why they’d broken up, and all of a sudden it looked like I was in the picture in a way I really wasn’t. I’d never even thought about putting my bag in her room; any other time I’d stayed with her had been when she needed someone to look after her, so it had made sense for me to curl up with her and keep her company. Sometimes she needed someone to talk to her until she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer and fell asleep; sometimes it was just someone there to hug her and make her feel safe. But Jordan saw it as a threat, obviously; he clearly wanted to make things right with her, and here I was, leaving home and my team partway through the season to come stay with her.

Seeing him cry had been the hardest. I’d seen Cam cry before, not that it made it any easier, but I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Jordan cry. Maybe once when we were kids, but I was two years younger, so while bumps and scrapes had still brought tears to my eyes Jordan was already trying to look tough in front of Marc and Eric and not look like a little kid. Knowing that he was this broken up about it was almost more than I could handle, and obviously it was more than Cam could handle too.

“Morning,” she mumbled in response, her voice hoarse and groggy. She hated crying, and I knew she hated crying in front of somebody even more; but lately it seemed like no matter what something came at her that tried to tear her up. Telling the team that she was a girl, their breakup, the whole Claude mess, and now this whole amnesia thing? It was messing with her head and her heart and I had no idea how she was dealing with it. In her shoes I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle all of it, especially not as well as she was.

“Feeling better this morning?” I asked carefully, afraid I already knew the answer. She shook her head and buried her face against my chest, her arms tight around me. I rubbed her back softly, letting my chin rest against the top of her head as we laid there.

“Not at all; Jordan’s probably mad at you because you’re sleeping here and—” she started, but I stepped in before she could get herself worked up again.

“Hey, Cam it’s okay. I can handle Jordan being upset with me, and once I can explain it and he understands the whole thing it’ll be better. I’d be pissed if you were my girlfriend and he crawling in with you. I get it; and he will because he loves you and he just wants you to be okay. And I think he understands that right now you need a couple of best friends to help you through this and I happen to be one of your best friends. He’ll be all right Cam,” I told her, and she sniffed but nodded her head, drawing a deep but shaky breath before turning her blue eyes up at me. I offered a smile before kissing her forehead, making her giggle.

“You better stop doing that or Jordan will coldcock you one,” she warned me, and just to make her laugh I started pressing slobbery kisses to her forehead and cheeks, tickling her sides at the same time.

“Jared!” she hissed, swatting at me but grinning. That was the endgame; to get her to relax and smile, so I finally let up and lay down beside her instead, wrapping an arm around her. It was so comfortable to just cuddle up to her, I closed my eyes, almost ready to go back to sleep.

There were footsteps in the hall going to the kitchen and I let out a sigh, knowing Jordan was up and about. I didn’t want to make this more painful on him than it had to be so I sat up and stretched. Cam made a disgruntled noise before she wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against my chest, cold without me next to her.

We made our way out to the kitchen, seeing Jordan trying to put on a pot of coffee, the shake in his hands causing him obvious frustration.

“Are you okay Jordan?” she asked, her voice whisper soft. I knew it was killing her to see him like this, especially whens he felt like she was the problem.

“To be honest? No,” he replied, letting out a bark of a laugh. I squeezed Cam’s hand tighter, hoping one of them could keep it together and talk.

“I don’t have a clue what’s going on, I woke up and realized I have no clue what’s happened the past four or five years, I found out that me and my girlfriend aren’t together and I don’t know what I did, and that my little brother and her are so close that they could almost be together. I can’t fucking do anything with my hands and I’m limping around… so no, I’m not okay Cam,” he refused to look at her, and I knew it’s because he’d be crying and didn’t want her to see it.

“I’m so sorry Jordan – you have no idea how much I hate seeing you like this, knowing that it’s hurting you like this – if I could trade places with you Jord I would,” she burst, before fisting the dampness from her cheeks. Without thinking about it I reached to her and thumbed them away, before realizing I might upset Jordan even more.

“Cam, no; you can’t mean that,” he finally turned, and I froze as I was caught in the act of wiping her tears away. I needed to stop doing stuff like this, and I knew it, but Cam was my best friend – even if Jordan saw it as a threat, I couldn’t stop caring about her wellbeing.

“I do Jordan. If I could go back I would’ve yelled or honked my horn or something, I’d rather have been the one getting hit than watch you go through this,” she insisted, and he let out a ragged breath before taking a step toward her and putting his arms around her. I knew she needed that as much as he did, even though it would make things even harder for the two of them. I moved to go around them and walk into the living room, but Jordan caught my arm as he pulled away from Cam.

“I’m sorry about flipping out last night,” Jordan’s eyes were downcast as he spoke, not looking at either of us. “I was out of line, and I needed to apologize to you Jay. We… we aren’t together, and Cam, if you and Jared were together it wouldn’t be any of my business in the first place. Marc was right,” Jordan tried to put on a smile, but he failed. I had no clue what he was talking about.

“What was Marc right about?” Cam asked, obviously as confused as I was. Jordan sniffed before looking to me.

“Jared’s a hell of a lot better for you than I was,” he replied before excusing himself from the kitchen and walking to his room. Everybody had been on that kick lately; Eric, Rosa, hell, Sid told me that even Becka thought I should’ve asked Cam out.

It just wouldn’t have been right. Had the feelings been there, it still wouldn’t have been the right thing to do. I couldn’t do something like that to Jordan, and I wouldn’t have put Cam in that situation, or the rest of my family. Something like that would be awkward as hell; especially when mom and dad, my brothers and their wives and kids all knew Cam well and as Jordan’s girlfriend. The one who ‘changed’ him; mom and dad gave Cam a lot of credit to the fact Jordan had grown up a lot in the past year and a half.

All that aside, it was more than obvious that Cam and I didn’t have any chemistry that way. Once I’d got back to Raleigh I’d realized I was almost upset over it; Cam and I got along so well that it would’ve been nice to find somebody I was that close with and meshed with that well. But the fact that she was Cam and that there was nothing was a complete and total relief at the same time.

“Did he really just say that?” Cam asked, both of us having been silent for a while. I nodded, and she rested her head against my shoulder.

“I can’t believe he just said that… I thought he would’ve decked you before ever saying something like that,” she admitted, and I pulled her in close and rubbed her back. She hugged me in return, before burying her face against my chest and taking a long breath.

Cam paused, looking towards the doorway of the master bedroom after handing me a towel. I knew where they were, but because she liked to be a good host she’d insisted on getting one out for me. Her eyes were dark and unsure, and after a moment I nudged her gently with my elbow.

“Go talk to him; you’ll both feel better afterward,” I insisted, and then went into the bathroom and shut the door. An unsettled feeling was in my gut, and while I turned on the water and adjusted the temperature for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it was.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in shock, I knew that much, because never before had I known that I felt this way, and I knew it made me an awful person, and an even worse friend and brother. Had anybody asked me I would’ve denied it, but I’d never put as much thought into it or dissected it as much as I did while standing under the hot water.

I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I wanted Cam and Jordan get back together.
♠ ♠ ♠
So... I really don't know how I feel about this chapter. I don't know if I like the whole 'Jared actually/finally having feelings for Cam' thing or not - it's just kind of the way it came out. If you guys are as iffy on it as I am maybe there's a re-write in order!

Anyways, I hope you like the chapter!