I'll Be Right Beside You

I sat with Jordan in the front row right behind the home bench while Cam practiced with the guys. His eyes were wide and bright with excitement, taking everything in, and when Sid, Geno and Marc waved hello he gave them a small wave back, a knowing grin on his face. I was glad that he sort of remembered at least a few of his teammates, because that would make things a little easier on him. Every drill, rush, and scrimmage was under his scrutiny as he tried to take everything in all in one go.

“How are you feeling Gronk?” Dan asked, walking into the tunnel to look up and talk to him. Jordan’s wide smile was more than enough of an answer, and he struggled to take his eyes off of the ice long enough to look at his coach and answer.

“Better… this is awesome,” he replied, and Dan’s smile grew. I knew that Dan had been kept up to date with my brother’s progress, so he knew about the amnesia.

“Good to hear! Can’t wait to have you back out on the ice when you’re ready – we’re going to miss you while you’re out,” Jordan’s eyes widened a bit, and with a laugh Dan nodded.

“I’m serious! You’re one of our top penalty killers, and you can score. Of course you’re going to be missed out there.”

“Wow… that’s still so weird… I mean, that I play in the NHL and all,” Dan chuckled again before shrugging.

“Well when all that memory comes back it won’t be so weird,” he assured him, before rejoining the team out on the ice. The guys all seemed to be in a good mood, and I’m sure seeing Jordan on his feet and appearing to do well had a lot to do with it. The last time most of the guys had seen him I guess was on the ice at practice before the accident, and a few of them in the parking lot right after the accident, which wouldn’t have been good.

“Cam’s really, really good,” he told me, making me laugh.

“I know! Before we all knew she was a girl I basically begged you to ask her to give me some pointers on my game; she nearly caught Sid for top scorer in the league last year,” I explained, and watched his head whip around and he stared at me.

“Really? Wow,”

“I know, it’s crazy right? She’s got sick hands, and she’s ridiculously fast; shit if she was our height she’d be unstoppable out there,” I agreed, and he laughed as he watched Tanger and James wrestle her to the ice and pin her down for a nougie.

“No doubt,”

“But she’s tough – she can hold her own in fights. You aren’t really a fan of that, but,” I shrugged, not wanting to get into it. Jordan made a face, before nodding.

“I don’t think I’d like the idea of guys our size punching my girlfriend,” he agreed.

“Not so much. She fought for you one game against the Islanders; I forget who it was against, but it was a dirty and late hit and she got pissed. This was before we knew she was a girl, mind you, and he’s bigger than you are. But somehow she flipped him sort of and won the fight,” I relayed it, because I remembered hearing all about it from Jordan. He’d sounded so proud of Cam, who he’d told me was like another little brother to him at the time. Crazy to think where they’d been since then.

“I can’t believe… and nobody knew she was really a girl?”

“Steve found out after she got sliced by a skate… but you were the first person she told,” I gently told him, and he nodded. He shook his head slowly then, before chuckling and re-training his eyes on the scrimmage now taking place on the ice.

“I just… I wish I could remember all of that, you know? It’s so hard to try and rack my brain and still come up with a blank on all of this stuff that’s so important to me. I mean, Marc getting married, having a kid… Eric’s kids… being in the NHL… I just don’t understand why all of that’s totally gone. But being with Cam isn’t, and God… the look on her face when she told me we’d broken up? That hurt, a lot. Because I knew it was hurting her to say that, and that I’d hurt her even more. I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse,” he admitted, and again I felt my stomach roll. Here he was, beating himself up over everything, and I was hoping that something would maybe come of me and Cam. How I could be such an awful person was beyond me. It made me sick.

“You okay?” he asked, and I shook my head, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

“No,”

“Why not Jay?”

“Because I’m an awful person. Here you are, in a shitty situation that you can’t do anything about, and here I am realizing that I like Cam and hoping that she’ll like me back when the only thing that should matter is that my brother’s okay. What’s wrong with me Jord?” my voice broke so I bit my lip and kept quiet. We sat in silence, before I felt my brother’s arms wrap around me. The guilt was like a deadweight in my stomach, threatening to topple me over and engulf me at any moment.

“You’re not an awful person Jay – you’re risking a lot to be here and help Cam out. I know that she only offered to look after me because she felt bad, I know it’s hard on her. You make things a lot better for her Jay, whether you know it or not. Before you came down, every time she’d talked to you she seemed happier, more like I remember her being. With just me around? It was like somebody had told her that her best friend had died, and that nothing would make it better. She needs you around, Jay. So as far as I’m concerned you’re doing what’s best for her, and that’s what you should be doing. There isn’t a hell of a lot that’s going to help me out right now, but there’s a lot that will help her. If it helps, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you Jay. She’s amazing,” he told me, letting me lean into him and finally lift my eyes to the ice, catching Cam’s concerned gaze. Seconds later her gaze rose above my head, widening slightly before she waved, and then pointed to us.

We turned around to see our parents making their way down the stairs toward us, small smiles pasted on their faces. Jordan grinned and waved, which made dad light up while mom looked like she was about to burst into tears. We stood up to give them hugs, and mom didn’t want to let go of Jordan.

“Easy mom – I’m gonna miss the end!” he whined, wriggling out of her grip and re-taking his seat. Dad laughed at him, and I could remember Jordan acting like this when we were little at Eric’s games, so I had no doubts that he could as well.

“Enjoying watching practice?” she asked, and he nodded excitedly.

“It’s awesome! I can’t believe I actually play on this team!”

He was just as enthusiastic until the scrimmage came to an end and the team filed off the ice. Everyone made a point of saying hello to mom and dad and Jordan, Cam being the last one off.

“Hi Henry – hi Linda; how was your flight?” she asked, taking her helmet off and re-pony tailing her hair to keep it off of her face.

“Good, good. Long, but good. How was practice dear?” mom asked, and she shrugged.

“Good. It’s nice to be back on the ice. Even if someone’s missing,” she teased, making Jordan shrugged.
“I don’t think you want me out there – you saw how bad I was yesterday,” he replied, making a face. Suddenly his expression lit up, and he turned between Cam and I expectantly.

“Can I still go skating? Cam is that okay?” he asked, and after laughing she nodded.

“Of course it is Jord; why don’t we get you some skates and if you don’t mind that I’m all sweaty and all I’ll just stay like this,”

“I guess I’ll live,” he rolled his eyes, before looking to our parents.

“Is it okay if I skate for a bit? Cam and Jared helped me do some skating yesterday and it was really fun,” mom nodded, leaning into dad as her eyes watered slightly. Jordan’s sudden change in mood was nice to see; because it was a lot better to see him in this happy mood than the angry and frustrated one he’d been in before.

“Of course Jord; you just be careful out there,” dad told him, and Jordan nodded before grabbing the back of my jacket to haul me up the stairs so I could show him how to get to the locker room.

We met Cam in the tunnel, as she’d stayed with our parents to visit, before the three of us headed for the locker room. Most of the guys were done getting dressed, and some had even left, but Sid, TK, Tanger, James and Marc all decided to stick around for Jordan’s sake. Cam showed him how to tie his skates, even though his hands were still too shaky to get them tight enough, and I again used the skates Sid had lent me yesterday before we flanked Jordan out of the tunnel and onto the ice.

Just like before, Cam gently led my brother around, and while his balance wasn’t that great, the fun he was having made it all worth it. I skated slowly beside them, keeping up a steady conversation for Jordan because Cam was a little tired. It was almost like he was an entirely different person from right after the accident, and neither of us wanted him to have to be upset like that again. So instead we kept him as occupied as possible, and after a while he was slowly skating on his own along the boards while Cam and I kept an eye on him.

“I love seeing him like this; he’s so happy,” she sighed, and leaned against me softly. I nodded, rubbing her arm for a moment before taking a few strides to catch Jordan before he toppled over backward. A thankful smile and then he was off again, going even slower if that was possible. He was still really awkward and choppy in his movements, but I had no doubt he’d get back into the swing of things before long. His leg healing up would make a huge difference.

“I think I’m done… my ankles hurt,” Jordan announced, before we helped him off of the ice and back to the locker room. I quickly unlaced his skates and pulled them off of his feet, laughing when he wiggled his toes practically in front of my face. He waited for a moment before putting his shoes back on and rotating his ankles a few times to relieve the stiffness.

“You all right?” Cam asked, immediately worried. He nodded before standing up and shooting her another smile.

“I’m good; I promise,” she relaxed then, and let me lead Jordan out of the locker room so she could shower and change.

“How was that hon?” Mom asked, and Jordan was nearly bouncing on the spot.

“So cool! I can’t believe I get to play hockey as my job! Isn’t that awesome?” he asked, and she nodded. Dad patted his back before getting him to sit down, and even then he was still antsy. They noticed the way he stuck his hands under his legs though, and I stopped mom before she could ask him about it. Jordan had never done that before, and I didn’t want them to bring up his shaky hands – that would upset him.

“Well honey we should head back to your place so we can drop our stuff off,” mom spoke up again. Jordan looked a little confused, before looking to me for an explanation.

“You have your own apartment Jordan,” I reminded him, and after a moment he nodded.

“Yeah, I guess that would make sense,” dad chuckled, which brought a tiny grin to Jordan’s face.

“Aren’t we gonna wait for Cam?” he asked, and both of our parents froze. They knew how hard all of this was on her, but at the same time they knew how dependent Jordan was on her right now.

“I’ll go back to Cam’s place with her so you don’t have to wait for her to shower. You can get mom and dad all settled in and then come back to her place, sound good?” I offered, and after a moment he nodded.

“I guess,” he agreed, and I put a hand on his shoulder.

“Jord? It’ll be like an hour or two tops before you see her; it’ll be fine. We’ll grab some groceries and make whatever you want for supper, all right?”

“Perogies?” he asked excitedly, and I nodded.

“Sure,”

“Okay, thanks Jay,” he gave me a quick hug, before pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“You may as well take this – I don’t even understand how it works,” he told me, making the three of us laugh at him.

“Nah, you better keep that with you in case we need to get a hold of you, all right?” I insisted, and finally mom and dad led him out of the arena while I went back down to the player’s lounge to wait for Cam.

“Hey, Gronk’s looking a lot better,” James spoke up once I was in the door.

“Yeah, he’s been a lot better today; he wasn’t in such a good mood yesterday,” I nodded, hopping they wouldn’t push the subject too much. That would be too painful.

“That good. Gronk have fun skating?” Geno asked, and I nodded, seeing the smile on all of my brother’s friends’ faces at the fact.

“He loved it, I don’t think it’ll take much to get him on the ice again,”

“T’at’s good. It’s ‘ard seeing ‘im like t’is, especially after what ‘ad ‘appened. It could ‘ave been a lot worse t’ough, I guess,” Marc allowed, and we all nodded. Cam walked into the room then, braiding her hair back from her face and looking incredible while doing it.

“Hey; where’s Jord and your parents?” she asked.

“Mom and dad took him over to his place so they could drop off their stuff, then they’re all gonna head back over to yours. And we’re supposed to make perogies for supper…” she raised an eyebrow at me, and I knew I’d been caught. She laughed though, and bumped my arm with her shoulder before stopping to chat quickly with her teammates. She was going to play in their Friday game against Phoenix, and they were all looking forward to it.

“See you!” James waved, being the last one to leave, before Cam looked to me.

“So you promised your brother perogies, eh?” she teased, and I nodded.

“Yeah, well, he wasn’t too excited at the prospect of leaving without you so I figured I’d make it a little easier on him,” I explained.

“Good plan. So, Jare, I guess that means we’re stopping at the grocery store before you make supper,” her grin was wide as she took off toward the door, laughing the entire time. I groaned before following her, realizing I might have just dug myself a grave on that one. She knew I couldn’t cook to save my life.