I'll Be Right Beside You

I woke up fairly early, and headed to the couch in the den downstairs to catch sportscentre. It had kind of become my routine; having some time to myself in the morning when I could think through things. It wasn’t long after I’d turned on the television that I heard footsteps, and felt my heart start thumping in my chest when I knew who it was. Sure enough, still in pajama pants and a hoodie, Cam wandered in, looking still half asleep. She never had been much of a morning person. She sat down beside me, and snuggled right up, much to my surprise. I wasn’t sure how to react, before I wrapped my arms around her and brought her in close, till she was nearly sitting on my lap.

“Jord, can I ask you something?” she yawned, her eyes still mostly shut.

“Sure,” I looked down, and she let out a yawn, making herself comfortable before coming out with it.

“Why did you kiss me last night?”

The words echoed in my brain for a few moments before I felt the heat starting to spread across my cheeks. It was such a simple question, but the answer was so complex I didn’t know where to start. That added with the fact that I didn’t know what was okay, where the line was made it all worse.

“Because…” come on Jordan, “Because you still mean a lot to me.”

That had to be the safe way to answer. I didn’t know if dropping the fact that I was still in love with her was a good idea or not.

“You mean…”

“Damnit I mean I still love you,” I sighed, lifting a hand to cup her cheek, stroking her warm skin with my thumb as I looked into a sleepy pair of dark blue-grey eyes. I’d expected some sort of retort or answer, but instead was met with a gentle kiss. It was a little awkward; I’d opened my eyes just to be sure I wasn’t dreaming and that Cam was indeed in my arms, kissing me.

“Wasn’t expecting that for an answer,” I allowed once she pulled away. A giggle came from her throat before she nestled her head against my neck.

“Jord, I’m pretty sure I still love you too. I mean, I thought I was finally over everything that had happened… but after going to Thunder Bay and then seeing you at that game and now? It’s like somebody just tossed me into a whirlwind where I have no clue what’s going on. But you still mean the world to me Jord,” she told me, and I let out a long breath. That was better than I could have hoped for.

“I just… I know we need to talk it all out. And I know that this trip probably isn’t the best time to do it. But when we do, if there’s any, any, possible chance… I can’t do this all without you Cam. You’re on my mind all of the time, and I’ll fight for you. I can’t sit back and watch you be with somebody else. Not without putting up the best possible fight I can. I hurt you, and that alone is more than reason enough to not deserve you, before I even get started on every other reason, but I’m still going to love you, no matter what,” the words came rushing out of me without any assistance from my brain, and it was like once the floodgates had opened I couldn’t shut up until I was red in the face from embarrassment and worry that I’d just made a total ass of myself in front of her.

“Jared and I aren’t like that Jordan. We never have been… I mean, I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not in love with him. I don’t think I’ve ever loved him like that,” she explained, and I swallowed hard. Hearing her say that she did indeed love him was hard, but the relief that she didn’t have feelings for him outweighed it.

“Really?”

Once more I was surprised with another kiss, this one a little more intense than the last. I’d managed to brave up and flick my tongue against her lips, but I’d hardly traced the inside of her lip before she pulled away. That had me worried.

“Sorry, I just don’t know if that’s a good idea or not yet,” she admitted, her face bright red.

“Sorry, I should’ve thought of that,” I mumbled, wondering if the fact I hadn’t kissed anybody since her was playing into it. I mean, when we’d been together I knew what I was doing. Now, it had been so long that I worried I wasn’t doing something she liked or was doing something weird.

“Relax,” she instructed, cupping my cheeks and pressing her lips to mine once more. The chaste kiss was sweet and short, and left me wanting more in a way I don’t think Cam realized. I hadn’t been with anybody since the accident and everything either.

“Okay. So… so what do we do?” I asked, and she sighed as she curled back into me, letting me wrap my arms tight around her and bury my face in her neck.

“Well, I think you’re right that this trip’s maybe not the time to talk it all out. I mean, we need things as normal as possible so we can do this tag-team coaching and all,” I could hear the grin in her voice, and it brought a smile to my lips. “But as for… whatever this is, I don’t know.”

Her reference to the fact we were curled up on the couch and kissing was adorable, because her cheeks were such a deep blush that I’d never seen before. I kissed her cheek before letting my chin rest on her shoulder once more, wondering what to tell her. I wanted this, but it might complicate things if we were supposed to just be friends and were kissing and cuddling, but at the same time I really, really wanted to be able to kiss her and wrap my arms around her. Even though it would lead to wanting more.

“I don’t know either Cam. I’m not gonna lie, I really, really like this, but at the same time I don’t want to screw things up before I get a chance to try and make them right. And we both know doing this will only complicate things in the long run,” I sighed, and she nodded. We sat there in silence for a minute, the tension growing thicker by the second until I couldn’t stand it any longer. I knew she felt it too; I’d felt her tense in her shoulders and arms, so I turned to her and pressed my lips to hers, letting her relax before flicking my tongue against her lips and deepening the kiss. There was the same fire we’d had years ago, it had just sat there dormant waiting for one of us to poke the coals and reignite it.

“Jord,”

“I know,” I whispered, already having decided to not carry her down the hall to my bedroom. Things would have easily went that way, and I knew that she wanted it as badly as I did, if her grip on my hair or my shirt was any indication. So instead I tried to content myself with the taste of her lips and her skin, too frightened to even let my hand wander. I felt like an awkward, horny, teenage kid; too afraid to make a move and cross the invisible line but wanting more so desperately I couldn’t even think straight.