Hesitate

*Flashback to March 8, 2005- Columbus, Ohio- Subliminal Verses World Tour*

“Ash is coming tonight?” Joey said playing with his drumsticks in their dressing room.

Corey nodded and blew out the smoke from his cigarette, “Yep. Said she was anyway.” He looked down at his cell phone when it vibrated. “That’s her now. She’ll be here in a few.”

About fifteen minutes later, they heard a light knock on the dress room door.

“Who is it?” Shawn called out.

“Just open the damn door.” She laughed.

The door flew open and Corey was standing there in front of her.

“Hey.” He smiled.

“Corey!” She shrieked and hugged him excitedly.

“It’s good to see you.” He almost sighed as he hugged her back.

“I got someone for you guys to meet.” She said before sticking her head out in the hall mumbling something. Next, a man of medium height stepped into the room. Corey looked the guy up and down for a minute. He was nothing at all like this guy. In fact, he was everything he wasn’t. The man’s short, gelled, brown hair was a huge contrast to Corey’s long, wavy hair that was red, purple, blue, and green.

“Guys, this is my boyfriend, Nathan.” She smiled.

“Hey,” the other 8 men aside from Corey said in a monotonous tone.

“What’s up. I’m Corey.” He said extending his hand out for a shake.

“Nice to meet you…” He thought he heard the guy halfway mumble. He also didn’t acknowledge Corey’s hand jutting out.

“Uhhh. Ok.” Corey’s eyes rolled and he thought. ‘She can’t be fucking serious. This guy’s a tool.’

“I wanted to come say ‘Hi’ before we went to our seats.” She said breaking the awkward silence between the two men standing next her.

“Yeah, we better go find our seats.” Nathan muttered, grabbed her hand, and practically drug her out.

Corey made sure the door was shut behind them before opening his mouth, “Oh I fucking hate him.”

“Jealous?” Shawn asked inquisitively.

“No.” he responded defensively. “The guy was a total jackoff……didn’t even shake my hand…I mean….come the fuck on! Seriously?”

“Did you know she was bringing….a friend?” Mick chimed in.

He shook his head, “I don’t get it. He’s totally not her type at all. He looks like he walked out of an ad for American fuckin’ Eagle.”

Meanwhile down the hall…

“That was extremely rude…” she told him.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Corey tried to shake your hand…and you blew him off.”

“Maybe I just didn’t want to shake the asshole’s hand. Just because you like the guy doesn’t mean I have to pretend to….I never even wanted to come to this stupid concert.”

“Dick move.” She said.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” He stopped walking immediately.

“I said……that was a dick move.” She repeated herself.

“You’re so lucky we’re in public. Now, quit running your damn mouth.”

“If you don’t want to be here so bad, then leave. Nothings keeping you here.”

“Yeah, and let you run around with those pricks by yourself after the show’s over? Not on your life. Now let’s go find our damn seats…so you can watch this stupid concert….so we can go.”

Sighing heavily, she gave up the argument. She’d never win anyway, and there was no use pushing his buttons further.

They sat in their seats waiting for the lights to go down and the show to begin. It seemed like an eternity. She just wanted the whole place to be dark so she could ignore Nathan and watch Corey under the lights on stage. Finally, it happened. And it seemed that just like that it was all over. There was one redeeming part of the night. The guys played her favorite song of the new record: Vermillion. When the lights flipped up, she quickly got out of her seat.

“Where the hell are you going?”

“To say goodbye to my friends.” She said with aggravation.

“Fine.” He huffed and walked with her to the backstage entrance area. Suddenly, he stopped grabbing her by the arm harshly. “You’ve got five minutes. Do *not* make me come looking for you. Understand?”

She rolled her eyes and nodded.

“I know…you didn’t just roll your fucking eyes at me, bitch.” He cursed her loudly and grabbed her by the arm again.

“You’re hurting my arm…” she winced.

“Because of your little fucking attitude you won’t be talking to those assholes before we leave.”

“Let go of me.” She said trying to pull away from the grip he had on her. His rage getting the best of him, he reared back and punched her directly in the face knocking her out instantly. He made one fatal mistake though. Before he knew it, someone had grabbed him by the back of his shirt and slammed him on the ground. His eyes and face began to swell as countless fists rained down on him over and over with no sign of stopping.

“I will fucking kill you, you little bastard.” Corey breathed in between punches. “Do you fucking hear me?”

“Corey! Dude! Stop, you’re gonna kill him.” Shawn said frantically trying to pull his friend off of Nathan who was, at that point, almost unrecognizable.

“He fucking hit her man.” Corey yelled for anyone to hear. He, too, was also quite the sight. He had enough time to get his mask off but not enough to wipe all the black grease paint off his face. He quickly ran to help Ash up, and she had just started to come to when she saw Nathan laid out on the floor with a bloody, bruised face. She turned to see Corey kneeling next to her and put two and two together.

“You ok?” he asked her. “Come with me.” She nodded and stood up. She got dizzy and nearly fell but he caught her. He walked her to the dressing room and sat her down on the couch.

He saw Mick standing behind them watching what was going on. “Bro, can you grab some ice?”

“Yeah, man.” He grabbed some ice from their cooler and wrapped it in a towel. “Here ya go. What the hell happened?”

“That jackass hit her.” He explained before Mick left them alone. “Here, hold this on your eye. Maybe it’ll keep the swelling down.”

She nodded and held the icepack to her face. “Corey?”

“What’s up?”

“You look fucking weird.” She mumbled still somewhat incoherent.

He made a confused face then remembered that his makeup was still on and grabbed a towel to wipe it all off.

“Better?” he asked her.

“Mmmhmm.” She nodded.

“Let me see your eye.” He said grabbing the ice pack from her hand. “It’s starting to swell. You’ll probably have a shiner.”

“Did anyone get Nathan out of the hallway?”

“Uhh, we had security throw him out.” He told her.

“Man, I bet he took the car. I gotta figure out how to get home…..”

“You live with him?” She nodded. “You’re not going anywhere tonight. Just stay at the hotel with me.”

“You’re in the middle of a tour…”

“So? You can come with us to tomorrow’s show in Illinois….then we have a day off….and I can get you home.”

She nodded, “Fine. I really don’t feel like arguing.”

“You wanna go ahead and go?”

“Yeah….I mean…if you don’t have anything you gotta do….”

“I don’t. Let me tell the guys I’m leaving. Be right back.”

A few minutes later he came back and got his duffle bag. He looked at her. Her eye was a little swollen but not too bad. The ice pack was doing its job. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” She whispered and stood up.

“Come on…..we go out the back way and no one will see us.”

He put his arm around her and walked her out the back passage and to their ride that was awaiting them. They were at his hotel before they knew it and again took a back entrance inside as to not be stopped or bothered by anyone. Tossing his bag into a chair, he asked, “You wanna lay down? I’m gonna take a shower real fast. I won’t be long.”

She nodded, “Go ahead. I’ll be ok.”

He appeared from the bathroom a few minutes later and the rest of his black face paint was noticeably gone from around his ears, eyes, and neck. She was still awake, which surprised him, and had turned the t.v. on. He sat on the bed next to her and leaned back against the head board.

“Cor, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

“It’s ok…..don’t apologize for that asshole.”

“I didn’t even want to bring him, but he wouldn’t let me go alone.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He said lightly touching the slightly swollen part of her eye and cheekbone with his thumb. “I’m just glad I was there to stop him.”

“I bet I look like shit.” She smiled.

“Nope,” he shook his head. “Not at all.”

“You’re so sweet to me.” She told him as she reached up to kiss his cheek. She sunk down into the bed and covered up with a blanket. Once her eyes had shut and she’d gone to sleep, he grabbed his pack of Marlboros off the nightstand and headed to the balcony for one last smoke for the night. He sighed heavily, blowing the smoke from his lips thinking to himself, ‘Why can’t I suck it up and just be good for her? I could take care of her. If I had, then maybe she wouldn’t have been with that asshole…maybe I wouldn’t be with Scarlett right now, either.’ He shook his head. ‘She doesn’t need someone like me….always fucking shit it up. She’s too good for that.’

Stamping out his cigarette, he turned and looked inside at her asleep on his bed. ‘Damn, she’s beautiful…..she definitely deserves someone better than me.’

He carefully tried to situate himself on a nearby loveseat to go to sleep and nearly fell out of it when she rolled over and spoke to him out of nowhere.

“Corey…” she said through a yawn.

“Huh?” he whispered back.

“Why are you over there?”

“I was gonna let you have the bed so you could rest….”

“Will you lay down with me?” she asked in a way that he could never say ‘no’ to.

He nodded and moved to lie beside her on the bed. Once he was settled in, he felt her arm lace itself around him and her head rest upon his chest. Then he heard her whisper, “Thank you."