Welcome to My Hell

Optimistic sweeps of light radiated onto my shades causing me to awake from my slumber. The room that I was laid in tended to be the room I stormed in from when I dispersed from Tom. The last of my memory was sitting miserably on the cool tile floor in Tom’s arms. He must’ve carried me to this room instead of his. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I lunge down slamming the soles of my feet onto the ligneous floor. A long stand up mirror lay touching the pale dull wall in visible of me showing the reflection of an unacquainted girl. Under my eyes were puffy bags, with slight dark circles that shadowed my lids. My beautiful curly hair was distraught; looked like I haven’t touched it in days. The baggy clothes of Tom’s that was once wet, gave a rusted well smell which made my nose scrunch in a small ball.

I need to take a shower moreover the one from yesterday morning. Sinking the clothes off the skin of my frame, I grip a pure red towel that dangled in the corner of the room. Goosebumps marched up and down my figure, giving me a sharp chill that made my teeth start to dance. I had no idea if Tom was up or still in bed, I just desired to hurry up and get my shower over with. Peering out the cracks of my bedroom door, I skulk out slowly into the entry of the bathroom. Before I closed the door to my inaudible sanctuary of relaxation, I noticed that the whole house was empty with only of the sounds of the house talk itself. No snoring echoed through the wooden door of his room, or chatter from the living room. Closing the door behind me, I compelled my back against the stilted surface to let out a pleased exhale.

As I fallen the over large rag to the floor, I initiated to waltz to the ingress of the watery chamber. This time I knew the awareness of what was hot and cold so I wasn’t planning on any surprises. First was the warm water, then the cold. The flawless temperature dropped all the tension that overpowered my muscles as the steam encircled my fatigued body. With my fingers I altered back the strands of rehydrated hair to the back of my neck, catching the water drops into my mouth. Dazed by the warmth, a memory came into mind as I deleted every distraction from my mind.

Dad was rushing home to take the groceries home before the rain hit us. I can still hear the rubber glide onto the smooth surfaces of the black sulfate. We were listening to Far Away by Nickleback; everyone joined in and sung along no matter how bad our tones mixed into a big ball of ugly. Two streets down from our house, little drops started to fall from the gray blanket above.

“Damn it…I was trying to avoid this,” my father said leaving out a obvious sigh of displeasure. In the car was everyone besides my mother. Ricky was in the back with Dean and I was right next to dad. Through the reflection of my mirror, I could see Ricky forced against the glass window fascinated with the rain blasted onto the car glass. As we pulled up the boys got out and distributed trying to get the groceries inside the house. Thick walls of rain blinded at least 4 feet ahead of us as we tried to aim for the door. Stuck to the recent mud, I fell to my knees with a torn bag of goods to the right of me.

All the boys, counting dad dropped the bags onto the safe cement porch and ran to my rescue. There laughs filled my ears as they surrounded me with helpful hands. I couldn’t help but to laugh myself, especially when Dean and dad fell also trying to come to my aid. Ricky pointed at us dying laughing as we stared soaked in our clothes in the muddy earth.

“So you think it’s funny huh,” Dean said throwing his body at Ricky’s legs which knocked him down as well. Everyone was laughing and slamming each other into the brown goo that was present on each of our faces.

SHIT!

Blasts of hot water trickled onto the tips of my head, making me come back to reality. Didn’t know how long I was out of it, but the change of the temperature seemed to be for a while. Quickly turning the knobs to stop the spurts of water hit my body, I hoped out the shower. The cool air helped discharge the burning impression on the frontal of my cranium which left a slight red irritation. Reflection was vacant with fog to prevent me from checking my temporary wound. Searching for the red towel, a clicking sound perked up behind me. Directly, I grabbed the towel around the front of my torso stepping back to the icy wall. As the door creaked open a tall slender man peeked out the space of emptiness.

“Well….hellllooo.”

Wasn’t able to take a good look of the guy because instantly I clenched my eyes together and screamed full of mercy. “GET THE FUCK OUT!!!”

Whoever it was appeared to of got the message and shut the door quickly. Wrapping the rest of the towel around my caramel petite body, I gradually pulled open the door to find what it seems the same guy the peeped into the bathroom.

“Hello beau…wait you’re not.”

The tall man grew quite giving a confusing look. His reaction seemed like he expected someone else to be in that bathroom but me. Around his eyes filled with dark eyeliner and a smear of black eye shadow that made his brown eyes glow without any light. His hair was straight with blonde strands that lite up his dark black hair. Something looked really familiar when I glanced into his face structures, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Suddenly, heavy footsteps broke away the awkward stares between us.

“I guess you met bill,” Tom entered in.

Now I knew what was digging into me, Bill had Tom’s face and Tom had Bill’s face. “You guys are twins?”

Bill giggled sarcastically under his breath, “Wow you act smarter than you look.”
An annoyed expression painted across my face as I burned with the smart remark he presented

“OH wait you’re a guy…couldn’t tell.”

Walking with just a towel that hugged my small body, I walked in the middle of them both giving Bill a fuck you stare. Before I entered into Tom’s room with the feminine clothes, I altered my hand to the corner, flicking Bill off. Just seconds as I closed the door, a comment echoed down the hallway into the room.

“I love her already Tom.”

As if I thought that I was going to have a normal day, I was wrong. I desired to get out of this exasperated habitat called a shelter and breathe for a while. Scheming through the dresser, I grab a pair of black sweatpants and a white beater. I finally got to meet the famous Bill that Trinity warned me about. Doesn’t seem dangerous, just a major asshole. After I slipped on the sweats, I pulled the white beater over my chest just in time before Tom walked into the door.

Kat are you…wait…where did you get those clothes from?”

Fixing the shirt to hang over my sweats, I fused my eyebrows together giving him a blank stare. These weren’t for me? Now that he confirmed whose clothes those really were, I grew extra concerned. Does he still have a girl? “Umm…I found these in that dresser over there,” trying to hide my suspicion, I pointed to the dresser across the room.

I knew he was nervous, the big knots in his throat exposed signs that something was wrong. “Oh yea…I forgot those…those are for you.”

Shaking my head in disbelief, I pushed the wet curls to the right of my shoulder and sat down on the edge of his bed. “Do you need something?”

“No…I was just checking on you. I’m about to be out for the rest of the afternoon and won’t be back till late. I just need to know if you wanted anything.”

“I’m fine, and if I needed something I would just go out and get it.”

“Whoa whoa...you don’t think you’re going out do you?”

My head snapped up in shock, “why can’t I, I’m a grown ass woman.”
Tom pushed out a small sigh before he lowered his head slightly down, letting his dreads pour to the front of his chest. “I can’t risk you going out Kat, you know why.”

“Ok fine then I’ll go with you.”

“You can’t go okay…you can’t go anywhere…damn please just listen to me for once.”

The tone in his voice shut me down. So many words wanted to explode, but like a little puppy getting scolded, I just sat there to take it. Without a bye or any last words, he just stormed out the door and left out the front door. The pigment of my skin started to turn red as heat exploded in my veins. How is he going to keep me like a prisoner? Who the fuck do he think he is; my father? Acting like a child, I crossed my arms and pouted with tiny breaths of nasty words. Driving my body onto the bed, my head turned to the position of the digital clock that stood on top of the end table. Just looking at the fact it was one in the afternoon made me want to scream. It was going to be a long afternoon before he came home and it tortured me severely.

As Tom did, I also stormed out the room like a huge baby I was and yearned for something to do. Of course the hobby was slapped right in front of my face. The house was a mess; it looked like a tornado threw up, picked it back up, and threw up again. I couldn’t believe that this didn’t catch my eye when I went to take a shower not too long ago. Rubbing the roundness of my forehead with the tips of my fingers, I gave off an angry sigh. Just looking at the pile of repulsion seemed like it would take hours. Lifting one arm to grapple my hair, I tied it loosely to hold up from the future sweat I was going to get from this workout. Straight to the miserable activity, I picked up dishes and empty beer bottles. I at least walked from and back to the kitchen ten times with arms full of junk. I got on my knees to find hidden garbage that could’ve been hidden under the abyss of the furniture; until I saw a white piece of paper that uninitiated out of place onto the polishes of the floor. Next to it was shattered stained green beer pieces. It looked really fresh since I didn’t see this yesterday.

Seizing the paper in between the slits of my finger, I released it from its balled form and saw writing in a note form. Smudges of ink, possibly from alcohol, consumed some letters but were good enough for me to full understand.

Tom,
You have never been the one for me. I’ve tried to deal with your charade of loving me, but all you really did was make me lose interest. The men I slept with when we were together were on you not me. Why can’t you be like your brother and grow some balls? If your brother wasn’t too attached to being dedicated then I would’ve been with him right now. I’m writing you this letter because I want you to get through your thick skull that you’re fucking worthless and I don’t want you anymore in my life. I got a real man now so stop texting me and calling my house phone. Also you can keep those clothes; I don’t need them since I got a new man that can buy me better things.
Have a fucking good life,
Your EX!!!

Looking at the note made my hands tremble. I felt sick in my stomach as if this was written for me. This mess most likely was made by Tom. What made it worse is that the shattered glass that spread partial across the floor was a sign of him still having feelings for her. Those moments when he had sex with me was getting back at her I bet. Instead of being angry, I was hurt with so much pain in my heart. But why am I hurt over someone I don’t have feelings for? Or do I? Blocking the negative thinking, I picked up the letter and tossed it in the trash with the crumbles of green shards. Hours of cleaning passed by and I grew weary from the combination of bending and standing. Looking at the room made the corners of my mouth spread with satisfaction. Deprived of warning, my body dropped to the long sofa, mindlessly staring into the blank television. Slowly my eyes started to die while my body tried to fight back. Soon my body lost, and then the room covered in darkness.

Creaking of the hardwood floor alerted me from my rest. The scenery of the room was different; the support of light from the sun grew vacant and the shed of light was from the reflection of the moon. Picking up my body to the source of the sound, a tall figure stalked in the kitchen running the flows of water from the faucet. Clumps of dreads that flowed down the figures back stood signs that it was Tom. Engaging both of my hands on the top edge of the couch, I poked my head slightly above to my eye level. Jerking his hand together, it looked like he was scrubbing off something from his arms and hands. Precipitously, he stopped; the water stopped flowing which gotten my heart starting to race. Wonder if he knew I was watching him?

Shifting his body to the start of looking behind him, I dunked to the bottom of the couch in time. While I wasted a couple of seconds to recoup I looked back up to seem him walking to the lite up hallway. My heart raced as I saw the red stains covered on his blue jeans and shirt. My body trembled with fear just watching him disappear. I needed to confirm what I saw was really what I thought. Picking my body up with the center of my palms, I crept slowly to the start of the hallway. More rushing water echoed throughout the thin walls as shadows danced on the wallpaper of the exposed bathroom of him trying to take off the ruined clothes. I carefully walked towards the bathroom door to get a better look of the clothes until I stepped on a weak board. The shadows stood lifeless which playfully imitated how my body was going to be from how hard my heart pounded against my chest.

My lungs filled with full gulps of oxygen before I exhaled to calm myself down. As I would normally walk, I entered into the bathroom to find Tom standing stiff as a boulder. The red liquid filled the floor mixed with water he tried to erase with. I swore that my heart stopped because I couldn't breathe from the terror I have seen. Blood stained his shirt and neck, dripping down to his pants. At the corner of my eye I looked at the open entry of the room I have been staying in. Should I lock myself in there? Or wait to see what happened? That was until I saw his eyes grow shiny from the erupted liquids that were trying to emerge it out of his eye sockets. He fought back the tears as he stared helpless into my eyes.

I took the first move by walking slowly towards his position with my hands glued to my sides. Lowering his head to look at my naked feet, he shouted at me. “Don’t come near me!”
Tears started to form in my eyes as I jumped in fright. He wasn’t the Tom that I knew; Tom right now was filled with anger and sadness. Ignoring his request, I walked a little more closely to him till he stopped me 6 inches in front of me. Snapping his head the opposite of me, I could hear his breathing starting to get stronger. At this point I didn’t care if he hit me, pushed me, or tried to kill me; I wasn’t afraid of him, not anymore. Out of nowhere he jolts his body back with his hands aiming to the points of my shoulders. My back slammed painfully to the hard thick wall.

“Why don’t you fucking listen to me? Do you like what you see…huh!”

Tom releases his grip from me to punch the bathroom mirror, making the shards explode onto his hand. He turns back to face me and grips the stain on his shirt, jerking it for me to notice. “You see this…this right here…I did this, I brutally killed someone because I had to. This is my life…I…I kill people for a living.”

Tears streamed down my face as I saw him struggle with his emotions talking to me. Somewhere deep inside my soul, I was afraid, but all I could do was feel bad for his pain. I was shocked, but not shocked of what he told me. After Trinity told me about Tom and his brother Bill and their organized crime, I was prepared for the worst. The only words that escaped through my teeth didn’t make him any better.

“I want in.”

His eyes grew red with the words that boiled his blood. “No you don’t…I’m not going to fucking let you…you hear me. You don’t have the fucking guts anyways to pull a trigger to a strangers head.”
After getting venom spat on me, I stepped closer to him with our eyes ever locked on each other.

“No…you’re right…I don’t have the fucking guts…but what do I have to lose huh.”

“You’ll lose the most cherished thing anyone can have…A LIFE!”

All my sympathy for him went out the door. Something wanted to come out; whatever it was won. “You know what…FINE!!!...I’ll leave this shit hole you call a home and be out on my way. Maybe on the road I’ll bump into your Ex and shake her fucking hand on congratulating her on how the fuck did she deal with you.”

Stopping my sentence he pushed his body closer to mine. “What did you say?”

“Don’t play stupid, I know those clothes were hers. What got me curious was how the way you played so fucking dumb in your room earlier. Oh!!...and what put the icing on the cake was that note that was balled up on the floor. After reading it I actually felt bad for you, but you know what…FUCK…YOU!...She was right…your weak and need to grow some god damn balls. You knew that I was going to see the blood…how the fuck can I not with all the noise you made and you know what I DON’T CARE! Even though you are hard to deal with I would still be here…I saw the blood and I stood here instead of running. I’m joining whether you like it or not…if not…I’m leaving.”

Throbs of banging hammers stroked my head from the screaming. I could feel my anger meter burst with steam as I stared into his brown glossy eyes. Instead of waiting for an answer, I rushed out of the bathroom to the front door, thinking that was the answer he was going to give me. Slaps of my hair flew on each side of my cheek as I stomped to the front door. Reaching for the gold polished door knob, a quick jerk pulled me 4 inches away from my exit. Tom’s face grew calmer than in the bathroom. The expression on his face simmered me down as well as I looked into his eyes.

“Kat...I…I don’t want you to leave ok…I just don’t want you to get killed…You weren’t born into this like I was. I know there won’t be anything for me to do to change your mind, but you just need to know one thing.”

“What?”

“No matter what…you join or not…I’m always going to be there to fight for you whether you like it or not.”