Welcome to My Hell

A drumming cadence banged alongside my chest as my lungs grew worn-out, making me wheeze every time I took a breath. Flashes of the whole slaughter scene played over and over like a busted record. As soon as I knew I couldn’t take it anymore; my knees distorted to the rubble pavement by a busy highway. I was lost; nothing looked familiar to me as I pragmatic the surroundings around me. My bruised side became deadened from the hard breathing that made my ribs rub against my insides. The declining crisp green leaves buried my ankles as I laid in a fetal position under an old oak tree. No more tears escaped my eyes. I have never cried so much to the point I turned dry. Stroking my hands under my eyes, I could feel the puffy sacks that swelled up from the moisture. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I stayed in the same position watching the cars carelessly zip by. I thought of how I was going to live knowing I was by myself now. Then I thought of suicide; just knowing that I could quickly end it all by walking without a care in front of a high speed truck.

I snapped myself back to reality when I heard the words my brother told me before he died. Run; and that was what I was going to do, is keep running till my feet bleed. For my brother, I decided to not give up or his death would be meaningless. Pressuring the weight to my feet, I began to walk along the highway until an outlet appeared on my left hand side. I remembered the recognizable fast food restaurants and grocery stores as I glimpsed from the reserve. This was the area that Tom drove through to drop me off. Little bit of hope gave me the self-belief to keep walking, but the only flaw was that I didn’t know exactly where he stayed. Pulling the escaped strands of curls that irritated my big brown eyes as the wind made it dance. A small bar was a block away as I eventually got off the exit. Feeling the blisters that already busted in the sole of my shoes made me come into desperate measures to make that bar my final destination.
Wheezing coughs repeatedly scratched my throat as I stretched out my hands to the bronze “U” shaped handle. Mists of smoke filled my lungs, making them set on fire as I barely was inside the bar. All eyes were darted my direction as I stumbled in. The lights dimmed the sight of light as the door shut behind me. Sweat from being tense started to form on the drips of my forehead as I slowly made my way to the bar area. Their curious pierce stare made me worry. Was I going to get kicked out or jumped? Or did they all notice the tiny splatters of blood on my white tank. Inhaling and exhaling, deeply and slowly, I eventually made it to the smooth wooden stained table.

“Ma’am…do you want something to drink, I'll put it on the house.”

The high pitch of this woman’s voice that questioned me made the hairs n the back of my neck stand up. It looked like there were no unfilled spaces that were unoccupied from the covers of piercings that were located on her delicate face. The resemblance reminded me of my boss Kelley; well used to be. Her forest green eyes glistened from the lights on the ceiling of the building. I nodded my head slowly as I inhaled a huge suction of polluted air. A crystal clear glass was set in front of me. Condensation dripped slowly down the clear liquid glass, making a ring as I picked it up and placed the tip to my dried cracked lips.

“Never saw you here before, you live around here?”

I shook my head in dissimilarity without making another soundless turn. Feeling the curious stares got me a little frustrated from the crowd, there wasn’t one person that wasn’t curious about my appearance. Sipping the cold burning liquid unconfined the stuffiness from the middle of my chest. I could feel the fiery blazed gasoline make a trail down my blistered throat. Man profound coughs made me hammer my chest to calm down the flames. Plopping the vacant shot back to the invisible wet ring, I began to stare at the bartender. “Do you know everyone in this neighborhood,” trying to avoid the crackle noises so she could understand me.

“Well yes sweetie, the only one that I grow a question is you, but now I know you,” the tiny blonde chuckled softly.

This was my chance to get information on Tom. He was the only one I could trust at this moment. Still having the bartender stare into my glossy brown eyes with a grin, I smiled back, “Do you know a guy named Tom.”

Giggling with over joy she placed the wet rub down rag onto the rack placed between the alcoholic mixtures, “well Hun there are a lot of guys named Tom…what’s his last name.”
Focused profoundly onto his name made my head clobber, then it finally came to me, “Kaulitz!!”
Abruptly, the whole bar killed the noise with silence. Even the music played by a live country band congested in its tracks. My remains turned as I saw their stares develop deeper into my roots. Then the memorable high pitch voice made me turn back around. “Y… you sure it’s Kaulitz.”

The cringe of my brows fused together in confusion as I nodded my head nervously. Her green eyes widen as if they were going to pop out of her head. As she looked up at the crowd of blaring eyes, sounds of heavy scatters of feet shifted out the bar. Only she and I was still present, still looking questionable into each other’s eyes.

“Baby…Tom Kaulitz is no one to pick as a friend or even an acquaintance…he…well, he isn’t your cup of tea of a nice guy…there was one time he made me stay out of business for a couple of days because all had feared as they do now. You can tell he has a sweet side, but it’s his damn ornery brother Bill who turns him into a monster.”

So perplexed by the account of his unfamiliar qualities, I shook my head in disagreement. “That can’t be the guy you are talking about…he…well let’s just say the Tom I know, cares deeply about other people, he wouldn't hurt them...well me.”
The defiant stare I gave her, I could tell made her scratchy. My eye lids glued trapped, causing me to stare deeply into hers. The idle smile spread wider to the creases of her cheeks. Thinking about the evil that spat out her mouth about him got me to wonder. That night we spent together, he warned me about himself. The tips of my hair on my arms grew taller and taller as the chills made my structure to shake recklessly. A scrawny hand placed over mines, making me to raise my head to look at her once again.

“You look worn out, how long has it been since you slept,” the up spirited woman asked. The stillness gave it all as she grew pettiness for my dispossessed state. “You can crash here if you want…I got a mattress in the back and I’m hiring if you need a job.”

The quivering of my plump rejuvenated lips stood an indication that tears were trying to come out, but I was still in the development of generating them back. Twiddling my thumbs with anticipation, I jumped over the ledge of the bar table and gave her a hug. Agreeing to the request she waved her handed elegantly, leading me to the back where the cot was sited. Immediately, my body sloppily dropped on the taut mattress. My eyes began to decline as the warning sign of comfort soothed me.