Teach Your Heart To Talk

Chapter 7

Brendon’s POV

When I wake up I feel hot breath hit my neck and open my eyes to see Ryan lying there next to me. Seems like he came closer during the night since we are almost lying chest to chest and I notice that one of my hands rests on his hip.
Oops
I withdraw my hand quickly but don’t move away, still staring at him.
Why did he think I would be creeped out by him?
I start turning into a creep here.
Carefully I sit up to look at the clock.
It’s already 10. Maybe we should get up.
I reach out to shake his shoulder slowly and he groans and buries his face in my neck. My eyes widen and I feel myself blush.
“Uhm, Ry?”
He stays like that for a minute before moving away, watching me tiredly.
“Hey” he whispers and smiles.
“Good morning” I say and smile as well. “So did Freddy hunt you in your dreams?”
“Nope”
“You see? No need to be scared.”
“You just want me to get out of your bed.”
“No, not at all.”
He laughs and I just watch him, still kind of fascinated. I chime in but stop when I hear he’s not laughing anymore.
When I look at him his eyes are wide and he’s not moving.
Oh fuck
“R-Ry?” I ask carefully and reach out to touch his arm but he shies away, almost falling off the bed.
Quickly I reach out and grab his wrist, pulling him back so he won’t fall off. He whimpers and tries to push me away but I grab his shoulders and hold him in place.
Fuck, I should have asked what to do in case this happens.
He struggles and starts clawing at my arms, leaving red marks but I don’t let go.
“Ryan?” I ask and he stops for a second.
I smile and let my grip loosen but he just pushes me away and crawls backwards again, falling off the bed with a loud noise.
“Fuck, Ry” I mumble and get off the bed, walking towards him but he shies away till he’s backed up against the wall.
I stop when he whimpers loudly and just watch him.
“Ryan, don’t be scared.” I whisper but his expression doesn’t change.
Tears are rolling down his cheeks and he’s shaking violently. It kills me to see him like this but what should I do?
I look around frantically before my gaze rests on Ryan’s phone.
I glance over at him and walk to the nightstand to get his phone, looking for Spencer’s number.
When I found it I hit the green button and wait.
“Hey Ryan.” Spencer’s voice says.
“Uhm no, this is Brendon.” I say, still watching a whimpering Ryan.
“Oh okay, why are you calling?”
“I don’t know what to do. Ryan- ”
“He told you?” he interrupts me.
“Yes. He’s … crying and whimpering and- ”
“So he’s having an attack.”
“What should I do?”
“Nothing. There is nothing you can do.”
“What? Nothing? I can’t just watch till it’s over!” I whine.
“I’m sorry, Brendon. There is really nothing you can do.”
I look over at Ryan who’s still watching me as if I’m about to eat him alive.
“Believe me when I say that it’s the best if you just wait till it’s over.” Spencer says softly.
“Whatever” I mumble and hang up without another word, throwing the phone on the bed.
Slowly I start walking towards the scared boy and his eyes widen.
“I’m not going to hurt you. Ry.” I whisper.
He presses himself against the wall as I crouch down in front of him.
His breathing hitches and I grimace, hesitating before I reach out. He whimpers but I grab his shoulders and just start into his scared eyes. He screams out and I almost let go.
It keeps going like that for a while till I start to cry myself.
“Ry please. It’s me. I won’t hurt you.” I plead even if I know it’s pointless.
Eventually I just wrap my arms around him and hold his struggling form against my chest.
He starts screaming again but I don’t let go. Ryan keeps crying, yelling and clawing at my back but I just hold on tighter.
We sit there like that for at least ten minutes till Ryan finally calms down and slumps down in my arms.
“Ry?” I ask carefully and he nods into my shoulder.
“’m tired.” He mumbles and I help him off the floor and to the bed where he crawls under the covers. I sit down next to him and just watch the boy.
“Are you okay now?” I ask and he chuckles softly.
“Sorry you had to see that.” He whispers but I smile and caress his cheek for a moment. When Ryan’s phone starts to ring I look at him quizzically and he nods before closing his eyes.
My gaze wanders over to his phone and it says Spencer is calling.
I grab it and leave the room so Ryan can sleep. When I pick up Spencer starts talking immediately.
“Brendon! You fucking idiot! I bet this is you! Why don’t you fucking listen to me? I deal with this for years now! I know what to do!”
“Calm down.”
“No! This is about Ryan, my best friend. I swear I will kill you if you fuck up!”
“I won’t fuck up.”
“I hope so.”
He sighs and I listen for a moment before I talk again.
“Spencer, what do I have to know about this?”
“Well, at first you have to accept that this will happen from time to time.”
“I know.”
“Then, along with it come mood swings, social anxiety and sometimes emotionless behavior. That’s the official diagnosis.”
“Okay”
“You have to make sure he takes his pills.”
“Huh?”
“He has to take two sorts of pills every evening. Anti-depressants and something that holds the symptoms back a bit. There is another kind of pills but those hold back attacks for six hours and that’s not really good for him. He uses those at school.”
“Oh, okay.”
He sighs and remains silent for a moment.
“Brendon, please take care of him, okay?”
“I will.”
Another sigh.
“Alright, I guess I have to trust you.”
“Yes”
“I don’t know if I like it but I have no other choice anyway.
I chuckle and agree.
“So bye then.” He says.
“Bye”
I hang up and creep back into the room but stop when I see that Ryan is watching me with big red eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers miserably and I melt.
“Don’t be.” I say.
He shifts and raises one hand to point at my arms. My gaze lowers and I see that they are covered in red lines. They aren’t bleeding or whatever but they don’t look nice anyway.
“Don’t worry. It’s okay.” I whisper but he grimaces and turns his head to bury it in the pillow.
“Ryan, stop.”
He doesn’t move but starts mumbling into the pillow.
“That was Spencer, right?”
“Yes, he told me what to do.”
“Oh, okay.”
It’s silent for a while and we just stare at each other.
“What happened? You were … hugging me. How?” Ryan asks.
“I couldn’t stand to see you like this.” I say and shrug.
He turns his head to look at me and think I see a smile tug at the corner of his mouth.
“So … uhm. Do you want to sleep some more or- ” I start but he shakes his head. “Okay, breakfast?”
He nods and I smile.
“I can get doughnuts again.” I say and he smiles.
“That would be awesome.”
“Okay. You can stay in bed till I’m back.”
I grab some clothes and wave at him before leaving the room.