Behind the Seams

Effie Trinket walked up onto the small stage that surrounded the Justice Building of District Twelve. She started talking. I tuned her out having heard her already seven times. The extra two for the years Gale was of age. Once the video started, I looked over to the boys to find Gale. I found him and half-smiled at him. He mouthed back “it’s okay” to me. I nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Let’s get the ball rolling, shall we?” Effie said. “Ladies first.” I squeezed Katniss’s hand and looked over at her. I smiled, hoping it would cheer her up. Effie reached her hand into the bowl of girls’ names. I help my breath. She walked over to her microphone and unfolded the paper.

“Primrose Everdeen!” Prim. No. Not little Prim. Sweet, innocent Prim. A little girl who was only my brother’s age. I cannot lose her, too. It will be just like losing Holden all over again. I cannot go through that again. That was too hard. And she will not make it out of that arena alive. She would never come back.

I looked over at Katniss. She was not moving. She was just staring off into the distance. Frozen. Like she had just gotten the news of her father again. Was Katniss going to let Prim go? She could not. She was not saying anything or moving. I shook her hand. Prim was almost to the stage. I would never let my brother get that close, had he been a girl and got Reaped.

“I volunteer!” I shouted. My heart stopped. Everyone was silent. What did I just do? I did not even think before I let the words fly out of my mouth. I volunteered. I did not have anyone anyway. My mom was gone. Holden was gone. My dad was a drunk. Peeta did not even love me. I think he never will. I could not make him love me.

I got half way to the stage when there was another volunteer. I looked back. “I volunteer as tribute!” Katniss shouted, being held back by a couple of peacekeepers.

“Katniss?” I questioned. “What are you doing?! Please! I can do this. Let me do this! You have your family.”

“And it is my job to protect my family. Not yours.” She let the peacekeepers lead her up to the stage.

“It seems we have a second volunteer! How exciting!” Effie chimed.

“Katniss, please!” I ran after her. Two peace keepers grabbed my arms. “No!” the fought me back. “Stop it! Katniss! No! Let me go!” One guy hit me in the arm with the butt of his gun. No doubt it was going to bruise. They pulled me back to the back of the crowd, by the parents. Next I knew, Gale had his arms around me tightly, just holding me. I was fighting, wanting so badly to be the one on that stage. She should have just let me go. Why she did not...I am not sure. She has a family to take care of. I do not.

“Larsen, please. Calm down. There is nothing you can do. She’s up there.” I held my arms around Gale tightly, giving in.

“And now, the gentlemen.” Effie said. She reached her hand into the second giant bowl, pulled a name out and walked back to her microphone. “Peeta Mellark!”

“No!” I screamed, my heart dropping for the second time. No. Absolutely not. I cannot lose my best friend and my boyfriend to these stupid games. I could stop myself from crying this time. I just cried in Gales arms. There was no way Peeta would make it. I could have protected him. Katniss does not even know who he is. I hugged Gale harder and he returned the hug right back. He knew how I felt. He knew he could lose Katniss. Even if she did not knew his feelings or belong to me, I knew he felt for her like I felt for Peeta.

*

After a while I had been able to calm down. Just in time to visit my friends to say my goodbyes. I had decided to visit Katniss first, knowing that I would not be able to even talk after seeing Peeta. I saw Katniss right after Gale had. I went into the room. I did not really know what to say to him.

“Thank you. For volunteering for Prim.”

“Why did you volunteer Katniss? I was okay with going in. I wanted to go in. I have no one left anyway. My mom and Holden are gone. My dad is as good as gone. I could have been okay. I might have actually survived long enough to let Peeta go. To bring him home.”

“Peeta?” She asked.

“Yeah. Peeta.” A tear fell from my eye. “The boy who got Reaped.”

“I couldn’t live with myself know if you had died in there, protecting my family. I would feel too bad.”

“It was my decision, Katniss. I love Prim like she was my own sister. When you’re sick, I brought you my extra food. I did what I wanted to do.” The peacekeeper came to the door and I knew our time was up. “Protect him. For as long as you can. Please.” She just stared as I left. I could tell she was confused. She did not know I had been dating anyone. Only Gale and Peeta’s family knew.

*

After many people had gone by to see Peeta, I almost could not convince myself to go. When I opened that door, though, I had known I had done the right thing. I quickly walked in and wrapped my arms around him.

“You’re so stupid, Larsen.” I pulled back, a little hurt. “You scared my half to death by volunteering.” I scoffed.

“Imagine how I feel, Peet. No one volunteered for you.” I put my head on his shoulder and cried into his neck. “If Katniss had let me go, I could have protected you. You don’t know that world.”

“I love you, Larsen.” He said. I sobbed. “I’m so sorry it took me getting Reaped for me to realize it.” I shook my head.

“I love you, Peet.” I tell him again. “Please try to come home for me.”

“I will. I promise you, I will try for you.”

“Stick with Katniss. Under all circumstances. She will help you stay alive.” I knew he hesitated. “What?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “I’ll try.”

“You really have to try, Peeta. I can’t stand the thought of this stupid world without you decorating cakes at the bakery. You’re so innocent. And you love me. You should not be thrown into something like this.”

“There’s only so much we can influence, Larsen. We can’t change this.”

“I just feel like I can do something. I have to. I will do something, Peeta. I’ll try.”

“No, Larsen. You’ll get hurt. I can’t go into that arena thinking you’re going to mess up your chance to live.”

“I’ll be careful. You know me. I’m always careful. How else do I get food? I can do this, Peet.” Too soon, the peacekeepers came. I cried. “I love you.”

“Me, too, Larsen.” He still looked worried. There is no way he would live though that, either way. We both knew it. Still I hoped.