Behind the Seams

The next day, I did not leave the shack. I held myself up in my room. I did not want to eat. I did not want to see anyone. I wanted to be alone. No one could make me feel better anyway. Peeta is gone. Katniss left instead of me. It should have been me. Gale could not even make me better after this. I had lost four people I loved so much, all within a few months. I feel the same as it was when I lost my family. Empty and lost.

I stared out my window all day long, sitting on the floor. I watched the grey sun rise over the trees of the forest that Gale was probably in this morning. I watched the men heading towards the mines. All of them probably scared of an explosion that could happen. The children heading off to school to learn about the games that tear families apart. I watched them all come home, back to their families to get as much time as possible with them. And then the sun set on another day in the crappy place. District 12 filled with dirt and poverty.

“Moo?” I jumped a little bit. “Sorry.” I turned around and looked up to see Gale at my door way. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” I shook my head.

“You didn’t really. It’s okay.” I said, quietly. I turned back to the window.

“Moo, you scared me when you didn’t show in the forest this morning. I would have come sooner, but I had things to take care of.” I shrugged.

“I didn’t feel like hunting.” I chewed off some skin from my lip.

“I brought you some soup.” He came over and sat on the floor next to me. He tried to hold out the bowl to me. I shook my head. He put it on the ground. “It is your favorite.”

“Bird soup?” I perked up a little bit, but tried not to show it. Bird soup was not even soup at all. It is the bird game with water and a few mint leaves. “How did you catch a bird, Gale? You aren’t exactly the best archer.” He laughed at my joke.

“Thank you for having so much confidence in me.” I smiled. “There’s my girl. It’s about time that she came around.” I dropped my smile and shrugged.

“I’m not around. I’m just sort of around.”

“Larsen, I am just trying to make you feel better. I spent all morning trying to get that.”

“You shouldn’t have. Thanks. But I’m not very hungry.” I lied. I was starving. I had not had anything to eat all day.

“Please. Just eat some of it? You don’t have to eat all of it. I made it just for you. I doubt you’ve eaten all day. For me?” I looked up at him. He was right. I picked up the bowl and took my first sip of the soup. “Thank you.” I nodded. We sat in silence as I finished my soup. “You know you were really brave today. When you volunteered for Prim.” I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him.

“I guess.” I am not sure I really wanted it to be considered brave. I turned away.

“Don’t guess. Larsen, you were willing to risk your life to save someone else’s sister. That is beyond brave.” I nodded. I really do not care how brave it was. Katniss still volunteered for me. When she did that my “bravery” was pretty much forgotten. “Why did you do it?” I looked at him, confused.

“Gale, you just told me that I was brave for volunteering for Prim. Now you want to know why I did it. Seems like you are the one who has no confidence in my judgment.” I snapped at him.

“I did not mean it like that. I just wanted to know what you were thinking when you shouted out.”

“I wasn’t really thinking anything. I knew that I didn’t really have anyone back here who would care. If I went in, it was not as big of a deal as it was if Prim had gone in.”

“You have people who are here for you, Larsen. People who love you.” I scoffed at his comment.

“Oh, please, Gale. You have no idea. Name three people who love me and are here for me.”

“Your dad?” I laughed.

“My father is a drunk.”

“Peeta?”

“He would have been Reaped with me.”

“Well what about me? I’m here.” I paused, back outside my window. I laughed silently to myself, tears stinging my eyes.

“I don’t have you.” I said, quietly. “Gale, you love Katniss. Ever since she started to come around, you have been all over her. I hardly get noticed anymore.”

“That is not true.” He said, a little taken aback.

“Unfortunately, it is, Gale. I have been your best friend for as long as I can remember. We made mud pies after it rained. We watched our fathers go off to the mines. I was there for you when your father died. I was there after every Reaping to hug you after we didn’t get Reaped. You taught me how to shoot a bow, how to make a trap, and how to throw my knives. After all of this, I still get trumped by some girl who can’t even read the feelings that you have for her.” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, sighing, repeating what I had just said in my head. “I am so sorry. That was mean.”

“Yeah, Moo. That was a really harsh. It’s not true though.”

“Yeah. It is, Gale. I’m losing my best friend. I can’t lose my best friend.”

“You aren’t losing me. If anything, I am losing you. Larsen, look at you. You are not the type of girl who would mope around when things get bad. You make the best of your bad times. You turn them around and promise yourself to do something with it. So, what did you do after Holden died?” A pain stung at my heart, as I recalled my brother’s death.

“I promised myself I would never let another child that I love go hungry like he did. I couldn’t take care of us, and so I would take care of others.”

“Alright, then. Larsen, you need to keep that promise.”

“How?”

“Take care of Prim. Do everything that Katniss did. Make sure that Prim gets the kind of nutrition she needs. Katniss asked me to do it, but I think you could do a better job than I can. Bring her food as often as you can spare it.”

“You are so brilliant, Goose.”

“I know.” He smirked. I laughed at him, playfully punching his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. For being so resistant lately. I just wish that she had let me go. I wanted to go.”

“I don’t wish that for a second.” He put his hand on my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb. “You’re my everything, Moo. I would be so lost if you weren’t here.” The butterflies in my stomach went crazy. They were the same butterflies I would get when Peeta kisses me. But I got these butterflies from a simple touch. I blushed, unsure of what to say.

*

That night, Gale decided we should not watch the Hunger Games. It was too painful for either of us to watch the ones we loved fight to their deaths. It was hard for me, especially. Ever since Peeta told me he loved me it has been very hard to look at him seeing as I know he will not come back.

Every night, instead of watching the games, or anything related to the games we would go hunting. Every morning he would show up and knock on my window. However this day was very different.

“Moo!” I shifted awake. “They are starting.” My heart fell once again for Katniss and Peeta as I realized things would soon be falling apart.

“Alright, Goose. Give me one minute.” He backed away from my window. I dressed quickly in my hunting clothes and left through the main room, sliding by my father in his usual spot on the floor. I rolled my eyes at him as always. Gale and I walked in silence to the gate and then to the clearing by the water. We did not even bother going to get out hunting stuff. We were not going to be hunting. I sat down by the edge to put my feet in the water. Gale followed suit. I looked at the sky for the time.

“There goes the bloodbath.” I sad. We sat for the rest of the day in silence. I cried. When I did, Gale just hugged me. He did not say anything or do anything but hold me to calm me down. I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up again it was almost dark. My head was lying on Gale’s chest. I looked up and saw that he was sleeping, too. I just decided to fall back to sleep.

*

The next morning, I woke up to the mockingjays singing a tune. They all always sounded so beautiful. I could just lay here forever and listen to them, staring up at the sky, thinking about a world outside of this mess of a place. Things get so complicated here, but when I watch the mockingjays sing and fly from tree to tree, I see freedom.

Gale shifted underneath me. I looked up at him.

“Good morning, Moo.” He smiled down at me. “How did you sleep? We were out all day.”

“Fine, given the circumstances. How long have you been up?” I said, groggily. I leaned my head back down on his chest, wishing I could just go back to sleep.

“Not very long. I’ve been watching them.” He gestured to the birds. “They woke me up. It was nice waking up to them. It’s very peaceful out here.”

“They’re beautiful. Very beautiful. I wish I could stay out here all the time.” He nodded. We sat in the peaceful silence between us, listening to the mockingjays “Do you think that they are still alive? Katniss and Peeta?”

“There is no doubt about it.”

“Even Peeta?” I asked, a little scared of his response.

“I don’t really know him, Larsen. I did overhear someone saying that he was great at art. He’ll probably be able to hide himself well with the camouflage. If he hid himself well enough, I’m sure he’s still alive.” I smiled at the thought. Then frowned at my next one. I sat up, crossed my legs, put my hands in my lap, and looked at them.

“Would you hate me? If Peeta came home instead of Katniss?” He sat up next to me as well.

“Are you joking?” I looked up at him, and shook my head.

“I know that you like Katniss. I just couldn’t bear the thought of you resenting me because Peeta came home instead of her.”

“Of course not! That would not be something that would be your fault. I couldn’t even begin to think about being mad at you for that. It would be wrong of me to be mad at you for that.” I nodded. “I hate that you even have to ask that.”

“Ok, good. I’m so sorry.”

“To be honest, I would probably be more jealous than mad.”

“I’m confused. Who would you be jealous of? Me or him?”

“Both.” He smiled.

“That is the second time you have made me blush. Why would you be jealous of him?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He shook his head still smiling.

“Gale Hawthorne, what am I going to do with you?”

“Go and hunt with me? I’m sure everyone would like a little game.” I nodded. We got up and went to retrieve our weapons. As I took aim with my knife on a squirrel, I could see Gale watching me and I could not help but get nervous when he did. The butterflies in my stomach went crazy. I threw the knife and missed.

“Urgh! Gale! You are making me so nervous. You want to stop staring?” he laughed.

“Sorry, Moo.” I smiled, even though he was frustrating me. Gale Hawthorne, what am I going to do with you?