Behind the Seams

Over the next few days, I had avoided seeing Gale. I did not go hunting. I took out two tesserae during the week. Two more embarrassing times of me groveling for food. They give us absolutely nothing to us when we give so much in return. It is silly to sink to that but at this point, I would rather get Reaped than see Gale. At least, that is what I think I wanted. I did not know what I felt. I have always felt so safe with Gale, but now I am so insecure. I miss him though. Somehow I miss him more than I missed Peeta when he left. It is so hard for me to be without my best friend. I have spent every day with him since I was born. I know him more than anyone ever could. He was mine.

Was? Was I going to let this stupid situation come between a life-long friendship? Sure as hell sounded that way. But I could not. He is my best friend. My only family. My Goose.

I was too confused. I wanted him as my friend. He wanted more. So my problem now is which do I go after? Do I start things, let them get out of control and then we do not talk to each other? Do I tell him I just want to be friends? Will things be awkward? I do not know what to do.

*

Gale’s POV

Is it healthy to lie awake late at night thinking about one girl? Losing sleep. Endless thoughts about a kiss that probably should not have happened. I do not even know. I cannot ask my dad for help. It was times like this where I missed him.

I did know that Larsen was the only thing on my mind. I could not stop thinking about her and my kiss. I did not really care that it probably was not the best time. It was what I had wanted. It is what I have wanted since Reaping Day. I probably should have made sure she wanted the same thing.

As I laid in my best in the small room that I had to share with Vick and Rory. I was just staring at the ceiling. Thinking about nothing.

I was alarmed when I heard a tap on my window. I sat up to get a better look. When I looked over I saw Larsen standing there. My heart melted. At least she wanted to see me. Unless she was here only to push me away again. I hoped that was not the case. If it was, at least she could say so in person.

She waved for me to come out. I got out of the bed and slid around my brothers not wanting to wake them up. As soon as I got outside, I realized that I could not find her. My next thought was that she went into the woods so we would have some privacy to talk. I walked to the back of the district, to the gate, and then to our spot next to the river. I made my way to hug Larsen. She stopped me. I took a step away from her, a bit upset.

“Larsen…” I said. “I’m so—” she held her hand up for me to stop.

“Gale, I am so confused right now. Just a couple of days ago I saw Peeta kiss my best friend. After that my other best friend kisses me. While Peeta and I are still together.

“Really, Larsen? Are you serious?”

“What?”

“You would still be with him? After he kissed Katniss? What if he came back and was a different person?”

“He would never be different. He has not killed anyone and it would not come to that. Not for Peeta. He will never let the Capitol change him.”

“He has already changed! Throughout this whole time he has been protecting Katniss in a place where he needs protecting. He kissed Katniss. Would he have done that if he were home?” I watched her think about it.

“He has always protected Katniss.” She said softly. My heart dropped as I watched the realization show across her face. “He has always protected her. Always made sure she was fed.” My heart hurt for her. “He doesn’t love me. He really does love Katniss.” I bit my lip realizing the same thing.

“Moo. I’m so sorry.” I held out my arms for her. Thankfully, she curled right into them.

*

Larsen’s POV

He did love her. He has loved her this whole time. Why would he tell me he loved me if he did not? How could I have been so blind? Everything was there. I cannot believe that I was so stupid. Gale was right. Peeta did change. He brought out the person he really wanted to be and admitted who he really wanted.

Gale’s arms tightened around me. I quickly pulled away remembering about him.

“You still kissed me.” He looked heart broken.

“I kissed you because…” he thought. “Because I feel something for you that I wanted to feel. Larsen, you have always been there. I guess I always felt something for you, but you were my best friend. So, I pushed those feelings away. And then I met Katniss and I tried to like her to get you off of my mind. But when you volunteered, all of my feelings for you just came back. I would have been so lost if you had gone in there” I stood there for a while. Not saying anything. Just staring at his face, trying to read him. “Can you say something? I know this is a lot for you in only a few days, but I need to know what you are thinking.” I did not know what to say. What could I say?

“Gale, I’m really sorry.” His face fell. He looked brokenhearted again. “No, it’s not that. I do not really know what my feelings are right now. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I feel. Peeta broke my heart. Right now, it feels like it is a million pieces. If I really listen to my heart and shut my brain up, I think the other night, when you kissed me, some of those pieces were put back together.” Gale moved closer to me. I did not move away. Instead, I curled up into his arms. He wrapped himself tightly around me and kissed the top of my head.

“Larsen, I would not ever hurt you. I don’t ever want to.”

“I don’t think Peeta ever told me that.” Gale lifted his head off of mine. “Peeta never told me he wouldn’t hurt me. At least he didn’t make that promise. He would have broken that, too.” Then I realized I was talking about Peeta, my ex-boyfriend, in front of Gale, whatever he was. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to talk about him.”

“Don’t be sorry. I completely understand. Peeta was a large part of your heart. I want you to know my intention is not to replace it. I want to fix it.”

“You want to fix me?” I asked.

“Okay, fix probably wasn’t the right word. I want to help you get back to the old Larsen. The girl from before your mom died. Before Holden died. The girl that never had her heart broken. The girl who believed in love and hope outside of this world. Because I miss her, so much.” A tear escaped my eye and I was thankful that he could not see my face to catch me crying. “I love her. And you.” I bit my lip, not completely sure of what to say. “I know that you do not know how you feel right now. But I am going to do all that I can to get you to be you again. And if you fall in love with me, which is just a plus.” I laughed away my tears.

“I think I already am, Goose.”

“What?”

“Falling for you.” I knew he smiled and we curled up to sleep in our spot.