Why Do You All Hate Me?

“It wasn't for me!” I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in frustration.

“No one is old enough to drink in this house but me, none of Matt's friends would do that.” She didn't believe me in the slightest.

“That's what you think.” I mumbled.

“WHAT?!” Her face got red with anger.

“I'm just saying that they aren't as nice as you think.”

“How dare you! They've done nothing but look out for you all these years!”

“No they haven't. They are cruel to me mom, you have no idea.” My voice rose and anger flared.

“Jimmy stopped you from eating that bad Chinese food, Johnny stopped you from going to that party!”

“Jimmy's been calling me a fat cow for years, he hate the Chinese food and threw cans at me when ever I tried to eat something, Johnny made me stay home and take care of his drunk ass when he got back from the party! They are NOT who you think!”

Pain flashed on my cheek, the crack echoed a bit. She...she slapped me.

“Quit trying to blame this on them! Zack said you would. You're just an ungrateful bitch!”

My heart shuttered, her words cut deep. But not as deep as my pocket knife could.

“Even if they were who you think, why didn't Zack stop me from grabbing the beer?”

She paused a moment, my cheek prickled.

“Because he wanted an adult to handle it. Now, gimmie your cell phone. You get no phone, no TV and no iPod for a week.”

“Wanted an adult to handle it?! BULLSHIT! The beer was for Johnny anyway!”

“CELL PHONE, IPOD!” She roared.

I reached in my pocket and yanked them out, giving them to her. “Don't you ever swear at me again young lady!” She slapped me again, my cheek burned.

I stomped out of the room, passing a gaping Matt, a death glaring Johnny and a smug as shit Zack.

I went to my room and tossed myself on my bed, and let my tears fall.

She's never slapped me before, she never raised a hand to me or Matt. Why does she believe them over me? I'm her daughter, I've never lied to her. I always get good grades. I've never snuck out, I'm certainly not a teenage mother, I don't drink or smoke or do drugs...I just don't understand! I sobbed loudly into my pillow, ignoring the pain in my cheek.

“Shouldn't of done that bitch.”

I sat up and looked at Johnny who kicked the door shut. I scooted back on my bed to get away from him, eyes wide with fear. He crawled onto the bed and over to me, glaring.

“I'm not going to rape you, if that's what your worried about.” He spat.

I admit that added a bit of comfort but I still don't like where this is going.

“I am going to get you where it hurts. I promise.” He seethed, getting in my face. I cringed as he crawled over me, he sharply punched me in the ribs a few times, ignoring my cries.

“J-Johnny p-please stop.” I wheased.

“Just wait.” He spat on my face and left the room, high fivieing Jimmy who must have been guarding the door.

I lay on the bed in pain, my cheek still burned and now it hurt to breathe. I actually stopped breathing for as long as I could just to stop the pain. I slowly sat up, whimpering as my ribs ached.

I grabbed my cello and played by ear, without my iPod to guide me I was on my own. I hummed along as I played The Day That Never Comes. Thoughts ran threw my head, all sad. About mom today, about Matt never trying to help me, and all of the things Matt's friends have done to me over the years. I barely noticed that as I finished the song, tears had made their way down my cheeks. I wrote down what happened today in my diary before picking up my cello again.

I took a deep, painful breath and began to play songs from Star Wars. Sure enough, I started smiling. By the time I finished, my cheek only throbbed dully, my ribs were numb. I put my cello back, still smiling. I picked up my room a bit, getting on my lap top mom forgot I had and facebooked Issac and Ray that was grounded, I didn't tell them why or what happened though. The last thing I need is Ray coming over and killing the guys, I'm sure they'd find a way to make it my fault.

I turned off my lap top and headed down stairs, greeted by my mom. “We're a waitress short today, you need to fill in for a few hours.”

“Okay.”

“And cover up your bruise, I didn't mean to hit you that hard. I'm sorry honey.”

I shrugged and headed up to my room, I changed into my 'help mom at work' clothes. This job is a waitress, she says its only temporary, her traveling jobs are slow so she had time to get another job. Weird, I know. This has been going on for a few weeks, I've had to help her before so I'm all prepared for it. I redid my make up and covered my bruise on my face, going downstairs past Matt, Johnny, and Jimmy who were watching TV.

Johnny had a smirk on his face and I didn't want to leave the house. I know he has something up his sleeve, Jimmy on the other hand is staring at my legs. Damn shorts! Ugh.

I followed mom out of the house, ignoring Matt was he waved to me.

--After work---

When Chelsea, the late waitress, came in mom had me walk home. When I arrived I saw Matt looked ashamed, playing with his hands sitting on the couch. Johnny had a shit eating grin, and was sitting next to him, Jimmy came out of the kitchen with a beer.

I warily went up to my room, and what I saw made me scream. My entire room was trashed! My book shelf was thrown over and had a whole in it, my desk was broken in half, my headboard was written all over, my curtains were shredded, my dresser tipped over so my clothes were all over the floor, my window cracked, my mattress flipped over. And when I looked at my cello rack it was gone.
I ran over to see splinters of my black cello all over, the strings were broken and pieces of wood were all over the room. My bow was snapped in half.

My heart shattered. That cello was one of the only things that kept me alive. It was one of my only ways to forget the pain, and the torment. Now it's gone.

“NO!” I cried, falling to my knees bits of wood puncturing my skin. I sobbed “No! No! No!” I picked up the heat stock of my cello and cradled it. Tears flowed like rivers, and now my knees were bleeding.

With out thinking, I grabbed a sharp piece of wood and sliced open my arm, it felt so good! I've been trying to avoid this, by playing my cello but I can't do that anymore.

“No! No!” I sobbed falling to the ground beside my fallen cello, still holding the sharp piece in my hand, watching the blood leek from my arm and knees.

This can't be real. This isn't real. This is just a dream...just a dream. It has to be.

3rd))

“You went to far this time.” Matt told Johnny who ignored him. Matt knew Karissa wouldn't care about her room, her cello was her life. Matt would be lieing if he said he never noticed her play it when one of his friends hurt her. It was her release, and now it was gone.

Her shreak was herd down stairs, Johnny smirked ans Jimmy grinned.

“Wait for it...” Johnny smirked more.

“NO!” her voice was heartbroken, she sobbed loudly. “No! No! No!” her voice cracked and Matt flinched, he knew she was crying her eyes out.

“Success!” Johnny and Jimmy high fived.

It got silent. Deathly silent.

Though Johnny and Jimmy would never admit it, they got worried. She should be storming down the stairs and accusing Johnny, but she didn't.

Matt ran up the stairs “Karissa?”

He looked around her room, seeing the full extent of Johnny's work for the first time. He got angry. Angry at himself for not stepping in.

He saw blood running across the floor and bolted over to see Karissa on the floor unconscious, her white blouse stained with blood, her knees had wood embedded in them. She held a sharp piece of wood and Matt knew what she'd done.

Johnny and Jimmy came in, Matt pulled out his cell phone and left the room, calling an ambulance. Johnny paled at what he saw, what he caused. Jimmy out his hand over his mouth, ran to the bathroom and vomitted.
A book under the bed caught his attention, he pulled it out and realized it was a diary. He looked down at Karissa for a moment before opening the diary and reading.

I met Matt's friends the other day. They were vicious. I tried to be nice, I didn't say anything wrong and they treated me like crap. What's wrong with me Diary?

It's been a week now. Brian pushed me off the porch, I skinned my knee and elbow but he just laughed and stepped on my ankle as he passed. Why? What did I do?

As Johnny read on, he realized that the abuse got worse over time. He read about the time Zack pushed her down the stairs, about all the times Jimmy called her fat. But one caught his attention.

I am fat. I'm too fat. I'm nothing but a fucking cow! I haven't eaten in three day's and I'm loosing weight. Maybe Jimmy will leave me alone now. I doubt it, I'm just so fat no matter how long I don't eat he'll just call me fat. He's right though. 90 pounds is way too much. Why can't I be pretty? Why can't I have a normal life with friends? Because I'm so god damn fat! Jimmy's right.

He frowned he knew Jimmy never really meant all those things. But he never realized that Karissa took them to heart.

He knelt down, careful to keep away from the wood splinters and lifted her blouse. He gasped, all of her ribs were visible, her stomach curved in and was covered in bruises. He stood up as he herd the door open, he tucked the diary into his pocket as the EMT's came in and put her on a stretcher, taking her away.

He looked at the carnage of her room and frowned deeper, he never meant for it to go this far.

---Johnny's house--

Laying on his bed, Johnny had his nose buried in the diary just as he had for the past hour and a half. He was up to more recent things, like Jimmy pushing her into the pool.

Why would he do that? I felt like the life was being yanked out of me, and if Matt wasn't there I think they'd let me drown to death just to be rid of me. Then they'd fish my body out and throw it down the stairs laughing.

“Does she really think we'd do that?” he asked himself. Sure they beat up on her, called her names and stuff but they never did anything to kill her.

He blinked back tears as he read about when he said and she quoted “You really think you need that food you fucking pig? You're so fat you make me sick. I don't agree with Brian, you can't be a whore. You must be a virgin because you so fucking fat and hideous. No man would ever want to fuck you. Loose twenty pounds and we'll talk." About how she felt violated and her self esteem took a dive.

He read about her wishing she had the courage for suicide, that way 'Matt's friends' did have to bother. About how her heart broke more each time Matt watched her be abused and did nothing.

He felt like shit, he never knew what they did hurt her so much. Not just mentally apparently. The way she described the pain from the bruises, and rolling down the stairs made his body hurt. She never had done anything to deserve what they do to her. All she did was try to make amends but they never allowed it. They just beat up on her more.

He read about Ray and Issac, and how she thought she could trust them. About finding it strange to be touched by a boy and not be in pain because of it. He felt ashamed as he re-read all of the times he'd punched her, slapped her or kicked her. He read the most recent thing, and the last sentence shocked him.

Why do they all hate me?

None of them hate her, nor could they ever. They were her brothers best friends, and had watched her grow into her teenage years.

Johnny didn't know if he should tell the guys about this. But he decided it better to keep it a secret for a while. He put it in his closet behind his bass guitar in the corner and closed the door, just another skeleton in his closet.

He'll bring it out later, if nessicary.