Why Do You All Hate Me?

_--Karissa

I slept in yoga pants and a bra, keeping my blanket below my waist. My stomach was wrapped up, and I slept on my back.

I knew one thing as I woke up; I need to see dad.

I quickly got around, wearing a baggy shirt. I decked out in camo, wore a scarf in my hair, and put and put on the diamond, sapphire and white gold bracelet dad gave me a few months before he...passed. This bracelet is everything to me, it's like his final goodbye. And in like 60 years when I die, I want to be buried with it. I also wear the bracelet Matt got me a few days before he introduced me to his friends. Ya'know, when I mattered to him. (her clothes)

I grabbed an apple from the basket and left without a word to the hung over Johnny and Jimmy on the couches, or to Matt who was walking out of the kitchen. He knows this outfit, he knows what it means and he knows it means I'm hurting.

I stopped by the store and bought a cheep bouquet of flowers and a box of tissues. The elderly lady behind the counter gave me a discount like she normally does, she said she knows what it's like to have a loved one gone.

Soon I was walking down the 7th straight row in the Military Cemetery. Seventh from the end, sat my dad's smooth headstone. I slid my hand slowly across it, then sat down in front of it cross legged.

“Hey dad.” I gave the stone a sad smile. My smile slipped. “A lot's happened since I last visited. It...it's gotten worse. I should have stayed strong like you would have. But, I didn't.” I took off the bracelets and put them on the other side, showing the pale scar to the stone.

“I never wanted to die, I just went to deep. I'm so sorry daddy, I'm sorry!” I snapped. Tears streamed down my face as I lay face down on the grass and cried.

I cried out everything. The abuse. Matt. Mom. My cello. My heart. I cried until my eyes burned, and my throat tightened. When I looked up, I noticed the sun had gone down. I wiped my cheeks and nose and put them in a sandwich bag in my backpack.

Most times when I visit, I sneak around to spend the night with dad. Can't let cops or the grave keeper see me. I guess, by the locked gate, that I managed on accident. I set the bouquet on the top of the grave stone, reached in my bag and pulled out the blanket I brought in anticipation of an event such as this.

I spread it out on dad's grass and lay on my side, lightly tugging at the grass and running my fingers through it slowly as I closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes as I was touched.

“Are you okay?”

(Skipped a day)

_--- Zack

I woke up with a massive hangover. There was something I planned to do last night, something important...but what?

Ugh too much pain, can't...think.

I slowly made my way out of...Matt's mom's room? And to the living room where short shit and Jimbo were out cold on the couches.

My brain slowly put the pieces together, whatever I'm trying to remember has to do with pain, and Karissa.

Well we always put that bitch in pain so what's so special? Gotta be something though.

I took some medicine for my headache as Matt solemnly came in the kitchen.

“What's up with you?”

“I did it again.”

I arched an eyebrow “A Brittney Spears song?”

He made a face “What? No! I...I upset Karissa again. Damn it what's wrong with me?” he looked distraught.

“How do you know she's upset?” I played innocent. I mean, when isn't she?

“She's going to see dad.”

“Oh.” Shit got serious. All of us know when Karissa is feeling particularly shitty, or hurt she goes to the grave yard and spends the night with her dad. Matt has bailed her out of jail before for trespassing there past hours but he doesn't mind.

But it was around noon and she normally came home around 10. Do I feel...worried?