‹ Prequel: Ana
Sequel: Relearning Laura ›
The "You're Not Fat" Campaign
Easier Said Than Done
Fat.
Fat fat fat.
FAT.
"Shut up!" I scream, burying my head under my pillow. That doesn't do much. The voice is inside my head. Tears, hot and salty, leak out of my eyes. I want the voice out. I want it gone. Gone gone gone.
Gone like your fat isn't?
"Shut up shut up SHUT UP," I sob. Oh God, where's Rick when I need him? Right. Visiting his grandparents. In Arizona. Which is all the way across the country.
He's running away from your fat.
"No he's not! SHUT UP!" I slam my hand against the headboard of my bed. Pain shoots up and down my arm, silencing that horrible voice. I hate pain, but I hate the voice more. I know that this is a very temporary respite from the scathing words, so I snatch up my phone and dial Rick's number. He picks up on the third ring.
"Laura?" he says. God, I miss him.
"I n-need to talk to y-you," I gasp out.
"Okay," he says, concerned. "What's up?"
I explain what's going on to him. As I explain, I cry. Hard. And when I finally finish talking, there is a long silence. Then Rick lets out a huge sigh.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't want this to happen."
"No, nonono, don't apologize," he says quickly. "Just... Laura, you need to try and focus on something else when this happens. Read a book or listen to music or practice piano or hang out with friends. Something. You can't let this consume or control you, okay, Laura? I can't let you turn into what Cassie turned into. I can't lose you like that." At the mention of Cassie's name, I sob even harder. I miss her so much.
"O-okay. I'm sorry, R-Rick. I lo-love you."
"I love you too."
We hang up at the same time.
I miss him.
I want him to come home.
I'm so much safer when he's home.
He's right. I need to focus on something else when this happens.
But that's easier said than done.
Fat fat fat.
FAT.
"Shut up!" I scream, burying my head under my pillow. That doesn't do much. The voice is inside my head. Tears, hot and salty, leak out of my eyes. I want the voice out. I want it gone. Gone gone gone.
Gone like your fat isn't?
"Shut up shut up SHUT UP," I sob. Oh God, where's Rick when I need him? Right. Visiting his grandparents. In Arizona. Which is all the way across the country.
He's running away from your fat.
"No he's not! SHUT UP!" I slam my hand against the headboard of my bed. Pain shoots up and down my arm, silencing that horrible voice. I hate pain, but I hate the voice more. I know that this is a very temporary respite from the scathing words, so I snatch up my phone and dial Rick's number. He picks up on the third ring.
"Laura?" he says. God, I miss him.
"I n-need to talk to y-you," I gasp out.
"Okay," he says, concerned. "What's up?"
I explain what's going on to him. As I explain, I cry. Hard. And when I finally finish talking, there is a long silence. Then Rick lets out a huge sigh.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't want this to happen."
"No, nonono, don't apologize," he says quickly. "Just... Laura, you need to try and focus on something else when this happens. Read a book or listen to music or practice piano or hang out with friends. Something. You can't let this consume or control you, okay, Laura? I can't let you turn into what Cassie turned into. I can't lose you like that." At the mention of Cassie's name, I sob even harder. I miss her so much.
"O-okay. I'm sorry, R-Rick. I lo-love you."
"I love you too."
We hang up at the same time.
I miss him.
I want him to come home.
I'm so much safer when he's home.
He's right. I need to focus on something else when this happens.
But that's easier said than done.