‹ Prequel: Ana
Sequel: Relearning Laura ›
The "You're Not Fat" Campaign
Confrontation
Cassie and I are sitting at lunch. I am pretending to study so I have an excuse not to eat. Cassie is sipping chicken and rice soup and nibbling Wheat Thin crackers. The soup smells divine.
"Aren't you eating, Lo?" Cassie asks. I shrug noncommitally.
"Laura," Cassie sighs. I scribble nonsense on my practice worksheet. My brain is full of fuzz and I am very very cold.
"What?"
"You have to eat something. I haven't seen you eat in days," she says pleadingly.
"What, the way I didn't see you eat for months?" I snarl, my words much more poisonous than I intend for them to be. Cassie shrinks back and her eyes fill with tears. Then she takes a deep breath.
"Yes. Exactly like that. You can't do this, Laura!" she cries. I close my eyes tightly and try to keep calm. I don't respond to her.
"Laura, please eat. Just some cucumbers. Please." Cassie pushes a plastic baggie of cucumber slices at me but I shudder and push them away.
"Laura." Her voice has dropped to a whisper. "Please. You're triggering me. I'm struggling as it is. Please. Please eat the cucumbers. They're a safe food, Lo. Please. Please. Please."
I blink back tears. I don't give a damn about myself but I can't hurt Cassie. She's gone through too much and she needs to get better.
She was too weak. You're stronger than her, Laura. Let her be triggered. She deserves it. Don't eat the cucumbers.
"Please, Laura," Cassie says, a tear dripping down her cheek. I reach out with one hand. It's visibly shaking and Cassie's eyes follow it. I take the bag of cucumbers and pull it towards me, then open it and slowly slide a cucumber slice into my mouth. Chew chew chew chew, until it is fully ground up, then force myself to swallow. My stomach comes alive, snarling ferociously at me for more food. I shove another cucumber slice into my mouth, then another. Cassie watches me sadly.
When the baggie is empty, I throw it into the trash can.
Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.
I take a long drink of water, trying to avoid looking at Cassie.
"Thank you, Laura," Cassie breathes. I put my head down on my arms and try not to cry.
"Aren't you eating, Lo?" Cassie asks. I shrug noncommitally.
"Laura," Cassie sighs. I scribble nonsense on my practice worksheet. My brain is full of fuzz and I am very very cold.
"What?"
"You have to eat something. I haven't seen you eat in days," she says pleadingly.
"What, the way I didn't see you eat for months?" I snarl, my words much more poisonous than I intend for them to be. Cassie shrinks back and her eyes fill with tears. Then she takes a deep breath.
"Yes. Exactly like that. You can't do this, Laura!" she cries. I close my eyes tightly and try to keep calm. I don't respond to her.
"Laura, please eat. Just some cucumbers. Please." Cassie pushes a plastic baggie of cucumber slices at me but I shudder and push them away.
"Laura." Her voice has dropped to a whisper. "Please. You're triggering me. I'm struggling as it is. Please. Please eat the cucumbers. They're a safe food, Lo. Please. Please. Please."
I blink back tears. I don't give a damn about myself but I can't hurt Cassie. She's gone through too much and she needs to get better.
She was too weak. You're stronger than her, Laura. Let her be triggered. She deserves it. Don't eat the cucumbers.
"Please, Laura," Cassie says, a tear dripping down her cheek. I reach out with one hand. It's visibly shaking and Cassie's eyes follow it. I take the bag of cucumbers and pull it towards me, then open it and slowly slide a cucumber slice into my mouth. Chew chew chew chew, until it is fully ground up, then force myself to swallow. My stomach comes alive, snarling ferociously at me for more food. I shove another cucumber slice into my mouth, then another. Cassie watches me sadly.
When the baggie is empty, I throw it into the trash can.
Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.
I take a long drink of water, trying to avoid looking at Cassie.
"Thank you, Laura," Cassie breathes. I put my head down on my arms and try not to cry.
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