‹ Prequel: Ana
Sequel: Relearning Laura ›
The "You're Not Fat" Campaign
Dr. Ranjeet
The door opens and a tired-looking Indian man wearing a stethoscope around his neck walks in and he sits down in the rolling stool and I have a horrible urge to kick it out from under him.
But I don't do that.
He says his name is Dr. Ranjeet.
And he asks me questions but his voice is less harsh than the nurse's voice and he speaks lower and slower and softer and I am not as afraid.
Mom says that she has been very concerned about me but the doctor says that she can talk to the social worker soon and then he turns to me.
"You have had panic attacks before?" he asks. I nod.
"But not as bad as the panic attack you had today?" I nod again.
"And you are also cutting?" he asks, and I stare down at my hands. No one was supposed to know about that. How did he know.
"Laura, you're cutting yourself?" Mom says, her voice shrill. I curl up into a ball and plug my ears and hum. Not a song or anything, just one long, drawn-out note. I know it makes me sounds crazy but it's the only thing I can do. I can't stand hearing the pain in my mother's voice. Dr. Ranjeet says something to my mother and she stands up and leaves the room. I slowly uncurl myself and unplug my ears and stop humming.
"Laura, I am here to help you. Will you show me your cuts?" he says, and I am off again, curled up and crying and breathing fastfastfast and then I am out again.
But I don't do that.
He says his name is Dr. Ranjeet.
And he asks me questions but his voice is less harsh than the nurse's voice and he speaks lower and slower and softer and I am not as afraid.
Mom says that she has been very concerned about me but the doctor says that she can talk to the social worker soon and then he turns to me.
"You have had panic attacks before?" he asks. I nod.
"But not as bad as the panic attack you had today?" I nod again.
"And you are also cutting?" he asks, and I stare down at my hands. No one was supposed to know about that. How did he know.
"Laura, you're cutting yourself?" Mom says, her voice shrill. I curl up into a ball and plug my ears and hum. Not a song or anything, just one long, drawn-out note. I know it makes me sounds crazy but it's the only thing I can do. I can't stand hearing the pain in my mother's voice. Dr. Ranjeet says something to my mother and she stands up and leaves the room. I slowly uncurl myself and unplug my ears and stop humming.
"Laura, I am here to help you. Will you show me your cuts?" he says, and I am off again, curled up and crying and breathing fastfastfast and then I am out again.