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Sequel: Relearning Laura ›
The "You're Not Fat" Campaign
If You Really Knew Knew Me
A few days later, my cabin plays a game called "If You Really Knew Me". It's not a game so much as it is a chance to spill secrets. I know what I want to say, but I don't know if I'm brave enough to say it.
Abbie goes first.
"If you really knew me, you'd know that every boyfriend I've had has cheated on me. It sucks and it makes me feel totally worthless for a long time whenever it happens." We all murmur about how that's awful and boys are scumbags. Then a girl named Caelynn says, "How many times has this happened?"
"Five."
"Ooh, ouch."
There is silence for a few minutes, then Caelynn volunteers. She tells us that her dad left when she was two and she hasn't seen him since. A girl named Holly shares that she was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and that she hates it. A girl named Taylor tells us that she's extremely claustrophobic. A girl named Emma talks about her parent's divorce, and a girl named Maggie shares a story about her backstabbing ex-best friend. Naomi hesitates, then says something about moving five times in the last eight years. I'm the only one left. I take a deep breath.
"If you really knew me, you would know that I have a pretty good life. My family is fine and my boyfriend is amazing and I do fairly well in school. But this past year, my best friend Cassie's boyfriend cheated on her. She started feeling totally worthless. She hated herself. And she stopped eating." Beside me, Naomi stiffens. I take another deep breath and press on.
"She's getting help now, but when I first tried to talk to her about it, she said a lot of things to me. About how I'm stupid and ugly and fat. And that she hated me. Those words really got to me, because she was my best friend and obviously no one wants to hear that from their best friend. You know?" I can feel myself choking up a little.
"After that, I started thinking, you know, maybe she's right. And I would look in the mirror and just cringe because compared to so many other girls, I was fat and gross and ugly. Wherever I went I saw skinny girls and pretty girls and gorgeous girls and it really got to me. And I started restricting." Naomi's hand goes over mine, and she gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
"It's hard, but I've been eating. I'm gonna be okay."
Abbie goes first.
"If you really knew me, you'd know that every boyfriend I've had has cheated on me. It sucks and it makes me feel totally worthless for a long time whenever it happens." We all murmur about how that's awful and boys are scumbags. Then a girl named Caelynn says, "How many times has this happened?"
"Five."
"Ooh, ouch."
There is silence for a few minutes, then Caelynn volunteers. She tells us that her dad left when she was two and she hasn't seen him since. A girl named Holly shares that she was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and that she hates it. A girl named Taylor tells us that she's extremely claustrophobic. A girl named Emma talks about her parent's divorce, and a girl named Maggie shares a story about her backstabbing ex-best friend. Naomi hesitates, then says something about moving five times in the last eight years. I'm the only one left. I take a deep breath.
"If you really knew me, you would know that I have a pretty good life. My family is fine and my boyfriend is amazing and I do fairly well in school. But this past year, my best friend Cassie's boyfriend cheated on her. She started feeling totally worthless. She hated herself. And she stopped eating." Beside me, Naomi stiffens. I take another deep breath and press on.
"She's getting help now, but when I first tried to talk to her about it, she said a lot of things to me. About how I'm stupid and ugly and fat. And that she hated me. Those words really got to me, because she was my best friend and obviously no one wants to hear that from their best friend. You know?" I can feel myself choking up a little.
"After that, I started thinking, you know, maybe she's right. And I would look in the mirror and just cringe because compared to so many other girls, I was fat and gross and ugly. Wherever I went I saw skinny girls and pretty girls and gorgeous girls and it really got to me. And I started restricting." Naomi's hand goes over mine, and she gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
"It's hard, but I've been eating. I'm gonna be okay."