Thinking of You

Half an hour past and still nothing was said. We have so far traveled down a series of roads and highways before breaking into the vast dessert leading us far away from where we were before, sitting peacefully on the front porch.

Currently John was singing along quietly to some Bob Dylan song playing on the radio while I haven’t moved a muscle. Seeing a distant glow ahead I realized a small gas station was approaching and how hungry I was becoming. Instead of speaking up I continued to give him the silent treatment.

He put on the turn signal and pulled into the abandoned gas station. Parking the truck in front of a gas pump he cut the engine and jumped out. Music drifted eerily over the quiet parking lot, echoing off the pavement as the yellow lights produced an unrealistic effect.

Coming back to his opened window, John rested his forearms on the door, leaning forward on them. “I’m going inside to pay, want anything?” Still mad from earlier I simply turned away and looked out my own window once again. He let out a sigh and walked away into the sleepy convenience store.

Seeing him though the store’s windows I started to realize how childish we were being. This whole not talking business wasn’t resolving anything and knowing John’s determination he would drive me into the next state until he got what he wanted.

He walked back out and I sat up a little straighter, hoping that once we started driving again I could explain myself. Opening the truck door he hopped in, tossing me a yellow package of candy.

“I saw those in there and knew you liked them,” He quietly said before starting the engine.

Looking down at the wrapper I noticed it was a pack of Mallow Cups, my favorite candy of all time. “Thank you,” Opening them I dumped both cups on to my lap, “Do you want one?”

“Oh, so she does talk to me now, cool,” John remarked sarcastically as we started down our journey once more.

I started to get annoyed once more but pushed that out of the way, “Well not talking wasn’t doing anything progressive. By the way I’m sorry.”

He looked at me with an eyebrow raised, “Sorry for what exactly?”

Taking a deep breath I proceeded, “For being immature and not explaining myself when all you wanted was a reason.”

“And what is that reason exactly?”

“Okay so, you know a lot about me to begin with, the whole romantically lonely throughout High School bit? Well during that time I thought about how I worked as a person, my flaws and thoughts and what not. After evaluating myself I found that my independence is over bearing as is my personal confidence, I am too self-centered for anyone to handle. I get bored easily and move on to new things all the time. I can’t be held down, it would drive me crazy.

“That’s when I decided that marriage would be one of the experiences I am going to skip out on; it will never last for me, I was almost certain of it, that was until I met you. And if you’re still wondering I have thought about us together and the idea scares me. What if there’s someone else out there for us and we’re just settling, you know? I don’t think I want to settle.”

It was quiet and that quiet scared me. There was no telling what would come next, it was like I was about to turn around a blind corner.

John slowed down the truck and started to turn around causing us to head in the opposite direction, the direction back to where we started. Once we were back on track he took a deep breath and glanced at me. “Now I want you to sit there and listen to what I have to say, listen to it all, I want you to hear everything and I want you to believe it all.” John looked at over at me for clarification, “No interruptions,” I nodded in agreement.

“I honestly don’t think you understand how much I love you. I really don’t. If you think that all of those negative qualities you just listed was enough of a reason for some not to want to marry you then why would you still be here with me? We’ve been together for almost three years, three fucking years I have spent with you and not a single day do I regret. Yes you can be a self-centered bitch at times, but let’s face it I’m a total asshole 80% of the time and you still put up with me and it amazes me really.

“With me being on the road as often as I am it’s nice to know that I can trust you alone at home, that I don’t have to worry about you running around with some douche bag and getting fired from your job every fucking week. If you haven’t noticed we really balance each other. Sure there have been fights, we have both been stubborn and acted like children trying to get their own way but that’s only the negative. Everything else just falls into place. You aren’t the same girl that you were in high school anymore because if you’ve observed you have already settled for almost three years.”

I didn’t notice that John pulled the car over to the side of the road or that we passed the gas station we had stopped at not even fifteen minutes ago and that all my Mallow cups were gone. No, I wasn’t aware of the large bug flying in and landing on the inside of the windshield or the fact that there was cricket’s in the background, loudly playing their earthy tune. All I could focus on was John O’Callaghan unbuckling my seatbelt while moving closer to me and running his large hand through my hair.

“Now, you are the most beautiful, confident, independent, indecisive, self-centered bitch I know and that’s what made me fall in love with you. It was for all the reasons that made you think love wasn’t possible.”

“Oh just shut up and kiss me already.” Quickly I put my hand on the back of his tanned neck, pulling him into a kiss that got heated quickly. Pulling away I realized that in the few moments we just shared, John had somehow managed to lie on top of me as I leaned back against the door and window.

“That whole speech was really cheesy and cliché wasn’t it?” John asked, resting his forehead on mine.

“Just a little bit,” I responded truthfully, playing absentmindedly with the hair at the back of his neck.

“Well sometimes the truth comes out that way,” He whispered before kissing me a bit more gently than the others were. Getting off me he looked outside real quick before opening the door and taking my hand, pulling me out of the truck with him.

“What are you doing?” I couldn’t help but let out a confused laugh as he hurriedly pulled me out to the middle of the empty road.

“Stay right there.” Letting go of my hands he started to walk back over to the shoulder once again. Picking up something from the ground he quickly jogged back over to me and got on one knee holding a small rock in his hands. “Valerie, you drive me crazy, literally and figuratively, so I was just wondering if you would accept this rock as a temporary wedding ring and marry me someday soon.” John was something else wasn’t he?