Less Than Perfect

Pax was on the phone with AAA for what seemed like ages. This wasn't where I wanted to be. The first thing I was going to do when we got back was confront Kade. We had to talk, we couldn't go another 4 months without speaking. Pax's phone call ended and worry struck her face. She explained the situation. Only two people could ride in the tow truck back to town, and there were 5 of us. This meant one thing: Taxi, and that meant forking over more money that we did not have.

"Pax? How much money do we actually have?" I asked sheepishly.

"With merch sales and anything left from what we originally brought I would say a little less than $20." She replied, anticipating the flow of cursing that was about to spill from my mouth.

But nothing came. I saw this coming. We were just 5 teenagers, traveling across the country, on an almost non-existent salary. How on earth did we think we could survive? I knew then that I would make the phone call I had been dreading for nearly half my life.

I had to call my father. I couldn't call my mom. She was worse of than I was, having to raise 3 kids by yourself is no simple task. As for my father, though, he lived in riches. He left when I was 7 and we kept in touch for a few years, but when that died out so did the child support checks. I knew he could still send them, but he didn't feel like we were even his anymore. My mother tried to call him and get him to see us, but nothing worked.

I wouldn't have even considered him as an option if it wasn't for a phone call that I had received previous to leaving home. I hadn't answered, I was working at the time, and when I checked it I couldn't believe my ears. I didn't want to tell my mother, just in case it was another one of his bogus attempts at being the father he should have been, but somehow I hoped that it was true.

"Call if you need anything, and I mean anything." The message had said.

Without any explanation to Pax I picked up my phone and dialed the unfamiliar number. The answer on the other end was shaky, and thats when I realized the time: 4:24 AM central time, meaning in California it was 2:24 in the morning.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," I attempted to make my voice apologetic, which is strangely a difficult task when you are far from meaning it. I hesitantly added, "Dad."

There was a moments silence and then an unconvinced tone came from the other line, "Kai?"

After quick acknowledgment and very brief catch-up, I questioned the message that he left only a month ago, "Did you mean it?"

"What?" He asked, knowing exactly what I meant.

"If I need anything," I hesitated, looking at Pax, who by this point had caught on. She knew the situation. She was the only person I could vent to about him and all his broken promises, she knew just as well as I did that this was bound to be another one. "To call."

He coughed and then sighed. I knew it. He didn't mean it. This was all a game to him, and I was letting him win. I was about to hang up on him when a reply came, "Yes." I had never heard a voice crack in so many places with just one syllable. An excitement grew inside me and a smile broke across my face, which quickly fell when I realized this could all be temporary if I wasn't careful. "What are you needing?"

I wasn't sure what to say. I needed money, but do I just flat out ask for it? Do I explain why? 'Well actually, Dad, my friends and I went on tour with our band less than 2 weeks ago and we are stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no gas, food, or money. It would be great if you could lend me $500, you know, to make up for the abandonment and hurt you caused my mother. No biggie.' I could have said that, but I stuck with, "Basically I am broke. I have no job and don't know where I am. I have no gas or food. And have $20 to split between 5 people for the next 4 months." I figured going with a sob story would be the best plan of action.

"You want money?" He asked. His voice gave me the hint that this was not what he meant by anything. After a long pause, a sigh on his end, and a motionless heart on my end, he simply said, "How much?"

I could feel my heartbeat return. "However much is fine, Dad. I am sure we can find a way to make more money once we can get into town. I don't want to be a burden."

"You never were. Is $250 fine?" He asked.

"Perfect." I said.

My mother had decided to put him as the beneficiary on my bank account, hoping he would come home. I had never understood her methods, but I was glad for this now. He simply transfered money from his account to mine while we were still on the phone. After many 'thank you's, from Pax as well, we ended our conversation, and Pax and I embraced.

The walk back seemed shorter. I was wrapped up in excitement of what just happened, and couldn't wait to tell the rest of the band what had just happened, even Kade would have to be somewhat excited. When the van came into view, Pax and I sprinted to it.

"Guess what!" I yelled with excitement, not noticing the situation was different then when we left it.

"What?" I heard Teagan moan.

“My Dad is putting $250 on my bank account!” I looked up to see their emotions unchanged. “This is the part where you all jump up and get excited, and thank me for putting up with my Dad long enough to get him to give us some-“

“Kade left.” Feo said cutting me off.

“What do you mean left? He just got up and walked away? Why didn’t any of you stop him?” Pax interrogated them, only worsening the situation.

“Pax. Do you seriously think that we had anything to do with this? It’s all because of your dumb ass best friend who whores herself and can’t seem to keep her hands off of every boy she meets. He loves you Kai. Can you not see that?” Teagan said.

It was all my fault. He was right. I asked which direction he went and sprinted off to find him. I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t get far, a mile at the most, and with me sprinting I could find him within 8 minutes. As I expected, Kade was laying face up on the side of the road, cursing to himself. He didn’t know I was there, hearing everything he was saying, blaming himself for not talking to me before I met some other boy.

“You know that’s illegal right?” I asked and he shot up from the sound of my voice.

“How much did you hear?”

“Nothing.” I lied. I wanted to give him the chance to tell me to my face.

“Good.” He said, and I took a seat next to him.

“Can we talk?” I asked. This conversation seemed oddly familiar already.

“I don’t know. Are you going to stare at me blankly and make me feel like a retard?”

“No. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I had just never thought of you like that. I mean it’s not that I don’t want to, I just never have. It threw me off guard, you know? I love you more than anything; I just don’t know if it’s that kind of love. You are my best friend though, and I know I don’t want that to ever change.” I paused, and when I realized he didn’t know what to say I added, “So you want to hear the only good thing to come out of today?”

“What is that?” He asked.

“I called my Dad and he put $250 on my bank card! I mean, it’s not enough to last the rest of the tour, we will have to sell like crazy, but we can still put gas in the van and eat some actual food for the first time in days.”

He smiled and knew that the starbucks we had bought less then 24 hours ago did no good on an empty stomach. With that smile, though, I knew things were going to get better. There wasn’t much room for worse anyway. When he got up I gave him a huge hug, I knew I was sending mixed signals, but he had to know that I did love him, and that we were going to be all right.

We headed back to the van to see that AAA had arrived and that a taxi was waiting behind it. Instead of splitting up, and having 2 people ride with the nasty tow truck driver who looked like he could have been a child molester, we all rode in the taxi together, back into town. We filled up at the rest stop and purchased our food wisely, or as wisely as we could for gas station food, and got back into the van. Kade opted to sit by me, and Feo took over driving.

We may have been dysfunctional, but I never loved any one more than I loved those 4 people at that moment in time.