Stuck Like Glue
And Your Facial Expressions
Time went by too fast, and before Jack or I knew it, Jocey had rolled over, and sat up on her own. She could even pull herself up and stand against the rail of her Pack ‘N Play. Her head was covered in thick light brown hair, and even though she no longer wants bottles, she still manages to eat every other hour. She crawls, clumsily and with amazing speed for an eight-month-old. If you weren’t careful to watch her every second, when you look back at her, she’s in the dining room instead of the living room.
“Jack, can you watch Jocey for a little while? I’m gonna shower and start lunch,” I asked, rousing Jocey from her nap in the Pack ‘N Play. She glared up at me with squinted blue eyes, yawning widely before rolling onto her stomach and pushing herself up onto her hands and knees. I lifted her up and held her against me for a moment, kissing her forehead. “Love you, Jocelyn.”
I set her down in her toy corner, which was just a corner with a squishy carpet where all of her toys were stashed. She sat on her bottom, staring up at me as I walked away and upstairs to take a shower. I let the water wash over me, the only time I ever really got time to myself nowadays. I was always looking after Jocey, or spending time with Jack, or having dinner with my parents, or whatever. The rest of the time, I was sleeping or eating. After that, this is the only truly alone time I get, which isn’t to say that I don’t love my life and the people in it because I do. I just need, like any human would, some time to myself to chill out and relax.
When I was done, I stepped from the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist and padded into the bedroom across the hall, finding my drawers mostly empty except for a few ratty Glamour Kills t-shirts from our nonstop touring days and one pair of jeans, my American flag jeans which I hadn’t worn in years. I had forgotten it was laundry day in the Barakat-Gaskarth household, and all of my clothes were in the laundry hamper downstairs, waiting to be folded. I sighed and trudged downstairs, stopping where Jack was watching an old Ravens game on the television while Jocelyn gurgled to herself as she pushed herself onto her hands and knees, prepared to crawl.
“Jack, watch after Jocey. She looks like she wants to go exploring,” I warned my husband before slipping into the laundry room, tucked in the very corner of our old house. I shut the door behind me and rooted around in my clean hamper until I found a suitable outfit for the day and dressed quickly, tossing my towel into the washer to be cleaned later. I even found a cute outfit for Jocelyn, in case we ventured outside of the house today. Maybe I can convince Jack to go on a walk, Jocey would love to see the park again, I thought, laying out a jean dress over a pink onesie. Leaving the laundry room, my eyes fell on Jocelyn who was attempting to pull herself up by the edge of an unstable side table where we set a broken lamp. I dropped her outfit and rushed towards her, but she had already lost her balance and taken the table with her by the time I got to her. She screamed, reaching for me as I pushed away the table and lamp, which had narrowly missed her head by a hair. I lifted her up and lay her against my chest, her head tucked into my neck.
“Jesus Christ, Jack. I asked you to watch her for five minutes. I warned you and you still just watch that fucking football game,” I snapped, bouncing gently and stroking the back of her head. “You could have at least done this one fucking thing I asked you to do!”
“She looks alright to me. You can’t make a big deal over every scrape and bump, Alex! Kids fall down, it’s a part of being a kid,” Jack shot back, barely taking his eyes off the screen.
“Maybe but you knew that lamp was broken! She could’ve been seriously hurt!”
“Well, she wasn’t.”
“This time! What about next time you decide that the game is more important than our daughter, huh? You have to watch her! She’s not like Baz or Peyton, where you just let them out once and a while and they’re fine.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he mumbled.
He still hadn’t turned to face me, so in irritation, I leaned over the back of the couch and snatched the remote from the cushion. I clicked off the television, and tossed the remote onto a table Jack couldn’t reach. He growled, turning to face me.
“I know she’s not like the dogs, Alex! I know what my daughter needs, okay?”
“You sure know how to fucking show it then!”
I grabbed Jocey’s mustache binky from inside the Pack ‘N Play and stuck it into her mouth, silencing her for the moment. She seemed content, forgetting about her fall and snuggling into me for another nap. She’d probably be up half the night, but that wasn’t a concern yet.
“Are you gonna be this fucking naggy for the rest of the day?” Jack snarled, getting to his feet.
“If you’re gonna be this much of a fucking lazy asshole, yeah, I’m gonna be this fucking naggy.”
He shook his head.
“You’re so irritating sometimes. You treat me like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing!”
“If you didn’t act like you didn’t give a shit about Jocelyn, I wouldn’t treat you like you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing! You’re always disappearing when I need you, when she needs you. I don’t care if you blow me off for some stupid game but this is your goddamn daughter and she needs you not to flake on her just because you’re scared or lazy. She needs her dad!”
“Well, you’re doing just fine being her dad, so I guess I’m not needed, or wanted here anymore!”
“That’s not what I said, Jack!”
He shook his head and snatched up his jacket from the end of the couch, stalking past me and into the hallway. He shoved his feet into his shoes and swung the door open violently.
“Let me know when you want me around, Alex,” he said viciously as he stepped outside and bang, the door closed behind him. Jocelyn jolted awake, her binky falling from her mouth and her cries starting up again. I sank onto the couch and started shamelessly crying with her, lying down and holding her against me, whispering “I’m sorry” over and over again to her.
“Jack, can you watch Jocey for a little while? I’m gonna shower and start lunch,” I asked, rousing Jocey from her nap in the Pack ‘N Play. She glared up at me with squinted blue eyes, yawning widely before rolling onto her stomach and pushing herself up onto her hands and knees. I lifted her up and held her against me for a moment, kissing her forehead. “Love you, Jocelyn.”
I set her down in her toy corner, which was just a corner with a squishy carpet where all of her toys were stashed. She sat on her bottom, staring up at me as I walked away and upstairs to take a shower. I let the water wash over me, the only time I ever really got time to myself nowadays. I was always looking after Jocey, or spending time with Jack, or having dinner with my parents, or whatever. The rest of the time, I was sleeping or eating. After that, this is the only truly alone time I get, which isn’t to say that I don’t love my life and the people in it because I do. I just need, like any human would, some time to myself to chill out and relax.
When I was done, I stepped from the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist and padded into the bedroom across the hall, finding my drawers mostly empty except for a few ratty Glamour Kills t-shirts from our nonstop touring days and one pair of jeans, my American flag jeans which I hadn’t worn in years. I had forgotten it was laundry day in the Barakat-Gaskarth household, and all of my clothes were in the laundry hamper downstairs, waiting to be folded. I sighed and trudged downstairs, stopping where Jack was watching an old Ravens game on the television while Jocelyn gurgled to herself as she pushed herself onto her hands and knees, prepared to crawl.
“Jack, watch after Jocey. She looks like she wants to go exploring,” I warned my husband before slipping into the laundry room, tucked in the very corner of our old house. I shut the door behind me and rooted around in my clean hamper until I found a suitable outfit for the day and dressed quickly, tossing my towel into the washer to be cleaned later. I even found a cute outfit for Jocelyn, in case we ventured outside of the house today. Maybe I can convince Jack to go on a walk, Jocey would love to see the park again, I thought, laying out a jean dress over a pink onesie. Leaving the laundry room, my eyes fell on Jocelyn who was attempting to pull herself up by the edge of an unstable side table where we set a broken lamp. I dropped her outfit and rushed towards her, but she had already lost her balance and taken the table with her by the time I got to her. She screamed, reaching for me as I pushed away the table and lamp, which had narrowly missed her head by a hair. I lifted her up and lay her against my chest, her head tucked into my neck.
“Jesus Christ, Jack. I asked you to watch her for five minutes. I warned you and you still just watch that fucking football game,” I snapped, bouncing gently and stroking the back of her head. “You could have at least done this one fucking thing I asked you to do!”
“She looks alright to me. You can’t make a big deal over every scrape and bump, Alex! Kids fall down, it’s a part of being a kid,” Jack shot back, barely taking his eyes off the screen.
“Maybe but you knew that lamp was broken! She could’ve been seriously hurt!”
“Well, she wasn’t.”
“This time! What about next time you decide that the game is more important than our daughter, huh? You have to watch her! She’s not like Baz or Peyton, where you just let them out once and a while and they’re fine.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he mumbled.
He still hadn’t turned to face me, so in irritation, I leaned over the back of the couch and snatched the remote from the cushion. I clicked off the television, and tossed the remote onto a table Jack couldn’t reach. He growled, turning to face me.
“I know she’s not like the dogs, Alex! I know what my daughter needs, okay?”
“You sure know how to fucking show it then!”
I grabbed Jocey’s mustache binky from inside the Pack ‘N Play and stuck it into her mouth, silencing her for the moment. She seemed content, forgetting about her fall and snuggling into me for another nap. She’d probably be up half the night, but that wasn’t a concern yet.
“Are you gonna be this fucking naggy for the rest of the day?” Jack snarled, getting to his feet.
“If you’re gonna be this much of a fucking lazy asshole, yeah, I’m gonna be this fucking naggy.”
He shook his head.
“You’re so irritating sometimes. You treat me like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing!”
“If you didn’t act like you didn’t give a shit about Jocelyn, I wouldn’t treat you like you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing! You’re always disappearing when I need you, when she needs you. I don’t care if you blow me off for some stupid game but this is your goddamn daughter and she needs you not to flake on her just because you’re scared or lazy. She needs her dad!”
“Well, you’re doing just fine being her dad, so I guess I’m not needed, or wanted here anymore!”
“That’s not what I said, Jack!”
He shook his head and snatched up his jacket from the end of the couch, stalking past me and into the hallway. He shoved his feet into his shoes and swung the door open violently.
“Let me know when you want me around, Alex,” he said viciously as he stepped outside and bang, the door closed behind him. Jocelyn jolted awake, her binky falling from her mouth and her cries starting up again. I sank onto the couch and started shamelessly crying with her, lying down and holding her against me, whispering “I’m sorry” over and over again to her.