No Such Thing as Too Young

I sat on my bed, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in my side. My summer reading book sat open in front of me, not even half way done. My phone vibrated and I winced as the fabric of my sweat pants rubbed again new cuts when I tried to twist to grab my phone off the bedside table. Tony's name, and face appeared on my phone signalling an incoming call from him. I stared at the picture of him, taking in his smile. It brought on a cycle of the guilt that I've been feeling for the past few days. I have been ignoring him for the past three days. The drive home Sunday was silent besides the music and few comments here and there. From then on I have ignored his texts, calls, and even skipped the usual Pierce The Veil band practice. Vic, Mike, Tony, and Jaime were in a band, a band that I never missed a show or practice for, until now that is. I flopped myself back against the bed in frustration. Another wave of pain hit me, radiating from my hip. I felt liquid start to slowly run down my hip. "Shit" I cursed and I rushed up, running into my bathroom to view the damage. I slid my sweat pants off, throwing them in the hamper. I would deal with the stain later. I quickly grabbed a wet rag and dabbed at the torn cut, trying to ignore the pain. "Fuck, fuck, fucking fucker" I hissed as I tried to clean the cut. I grabbed the disinfectant from the cabinet and dabbed that on as well, biting my lip to avoid screaming from the stinging sensation. I held the rag tightly against my hip in hopes to stop the bleeding. "Shay we need to -" Tony walked in, his eyes widening, stopping mid-sentence as he saw me. My own eyes got wide, and I stood there shocked. I looked down, trying to avoid his stare. "Shay..." Tony whispered as he walked over to me, gently and slowly removing the rag that was still pressed against my tattered skin. His face look unsure, and he looked sick. He didn't look disgusted, or repulsed, there was no hatred in his eyes. Just sadness. He went into the cabinet, taking out a large bandage, and began to help me patch myself up, he said nothing, just silently helped me while I stood in the same place. He put the rag in the basket, and washed his hands. I looked into his teary eyes, and my own vision began to blur. He pulled me quickly into a hug, and crushed my body against his. He nuzzled his head into my neck as we both began to cry.
"Why Shay?" His voice was low, and hoarse. I simply shook my head against his chest. "Don't shut me out, please."he begged me. "Can we just lay down? Please. Just forget about this for a few hours. I'll explain, I promise but can we just be for now?" I asked, more like pleaded. He simply nodded, and walked back into my room with me. Tony layed in my bed, and I went to lay next to him. "Uhm, Shay. You might wanna put some pants on...." he trailed off awkwardly. In the moment I had totally forgotten. I nodded and slid on a pair of Tony's old basketball shorts I had in my drawer. I slid under the covers next to him, laying facing him. His eyes studied me, looking for an answer, working up reasons in his mind. I pushed some of his hair out of his eyes. "I'll explain, I promise. I just need some sleep" I whispered. He nodded, as he whipped away a stray tear from my check. I closed my eyes, exhausted and woozy. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my middle pulling me into Tony's chest. I snuggled up, comforted by the fact that I wasn't alone in this anymore. He kissed my forehead, and rubbed his hand up and down my back. I slowly slid into a deep slumber, relieved to escape reality for a few hours.

Tony's POV

I watched her sleeping frame, the rise of fall of her body as she slept, away from her problems for a short while.I couldn't sleep. I hated myself for not figuring this out sooner, for not making her happy, for not questioning it the second I saw the cuts. I knew they weren't from a cat, I thought looking over at the kitten that was asleep on her desk chair. Maybe this was my fault, maybe I wasn't around as much. She needed her sleep, but I just wanted her to wake up, and talk to me. It was hard enough to believe she would do this to herself, but then to keep it from me. Some of her cuts looked deep. I kept silently wondering if she had ever tried to kill herself. I shuddered slightly at the thought, causing Shay to move move her head closer into me in her sleep. I looked down at her face. She was beautiful, even with her tear stricken face, and deep secrets. She was still gorgeous to me. I knew she wasn't exactly found of her body, and it was often obvious when she smiled it didn't reach her eyes. She had played a part for god knows how long, and I fell for it just like everyone else. I wanted to keep her in my arms forever, protect her from the world, show her how beautiful she is, kiss her scars, anything I could to make this better. But I knew I couldn't. I wasn't even sure I could help her, save her but I would die trying if I had to. I watched out the window as the sky began to darken, and sun setting. The room was now dim, and time seemed to be going by everywhere but here. I felt Shay stir in my arms. I looked down at her, her eyes slowly opened and the look she gave me let me know she was ready to talk to me.

Shay's POV

I ran my fingers through my hair, sitting legs folded pretzel style on my bed, facing a very upset looking Tony. "What do you want to know?" I asked him not sure where to start. "Everything..." He simply stated, the pain clear in his voice. "Since when, why, just talk to me Shaina" He told me. I nodded, looking down at my hands, playing with my fingers. "It sounds stupid to say aloud" I said quietly, trailing off a bit at the end. Tony took my small hands in his. "You can tell me" He told me, his voice full of honesty. I nodded, tears starting to form in my eyes. "It's just, nothing is right Tony. I'm not what everyone wants me to be.I'm such a failure." I said, finally looking up into his eyes. "Shay, that's not true. You're perfect" he told me. I pulled my hands away, running my fingers through my hair, trying to figure out how to explain this. "That's the thing Ton, I'm not. Everyone sees me as this perfect, happy girl and I'm not. I'm far from perfect, and trying to live up to what everyone wants me to be is like a burden, a weight on my shoulders that never goes away." I told him. He nodded to show me he was listening. "Then let it out Shay, tell me, please" he said. "My parent's they expect me to be some perfect,"yes ma'am, no sir",skinny, straight A, athlete, with a full ride to a great University. They want me to be a lawyer, or doctor. Everyone at schools expects this peppy, star swimmer,prom queen, and for me to do everything Senior year. Everyone wants me to be something I'm not. The pressure was too much, and I cracked. I cracked, and I can't be fixed. I'm so broken, and I don't know where to go" I said, my breathing becoming uneven. The tears came faster now. Tony just sat there, staring into my eyes. His own eyes were watery, and you could see the guilt, and love in them. "It sounds stupid, I know. It's nothing compared to what other people go through but it's-" I started before Tony cut me off. "It's far from stupid. I understand. But why didn't you tell me, or anyone Shay?" he asked me. I shook my head. "And what disappoint people more? You guys were busy with the band, and you had Stephanie. Ashley was so happy with Mike, their drama was over, I couldn't cause more. And my parents, it'd be one more reason for them to be disappointed in me." I told him. He shook his head. "Shay, I'm sorry.... I should have been here for you, or noticed. I'm sorry" He said, the tears finally slipping from his own eyes. I put my hand up to his check, whipping away tears. "Don't Tony. This isn't your fault. If anything, you're the reason I'm still here..." I whispered. He pulled me into him once again. "Shay, is this the only thing you've been keeping from me?" Tony whispered. I froze up for a moment, before slowly backing away from him. I looked into his eyes, biting my lip. He stared at me, waiting for the next hit. "Something else led up to this..." I said quietly, looking down at where my shirt lay flat against my stomach. "What else did you do Shay?" he asked me, clearly frustrated, but trying to not be angry with me.

I got up, going over to my laptop where all my journal entries, and logs were saved. I unlocked my account, scrolling to the top few entries. I gave him the laptop, and watched the look of horror on his face as he read threw different posts from last year. "Shay, do you know the risks from this?" He questioned, his voice raising a little. "Tony.... Don't be mad" I whispered. He was now standing in front of me. "Don't get mad? Shaina you starved yourself, you hurt yourself.. How, how could I not get upset" He questioned bewildered. "Tony, you don't understand! I was fat, and disgusting. In the swim team pictures freshman year, I was the biggest girl. My mom constantly trying to make me diet, or work out with her. It wasn't coming off fast enough, and I just did what I had to. I swear I rarely skip meals anymore, please just don't be mad." I pleaded with him. He began to pace, running his hand through his already disheveled hair. He stopped for a moment to look at me. I probably looked like I felt. A broken mess. I finally looked like what I was. "I don't know how to react to this Shay" he said honestly. That caused another sob to break from, my slightly heaving chest. This is why I kept it a secret, Tony would probably walk out the door, and out of my life forever and I couldn't do a thing to stop it. Everything I did was wrong, everything I did was a disaster. I looked into his brown eyes, through my blurry ones. "Tony, please don't leave me. Not now, just stay please" I begged him. His face softened, and he walked over to me. He sat on his knees, holding my face in his hands, his thumb softly rubbing my check. "I'm not leaving you Shay. Never. I'm never leaving" he whispered softly. He brought me into him, and let me cry into his shirt until I physically couldn't cry anymore. We layed back down, cuddling the same way we were before.

"I'm sorry Tony" I whispered into his neck. His grip on me tightened, comforting me. "Don't be" he told me. "I messed everything up. I'm sorry that I'm such a mess" I told him, holding on to some of his shirt. "No, don't be. I'm here for you, always. Never forget that baby-girl" he told me, kissing the top of my head. I nodded and and closed my eyes. "Would it be bad if I wanted to sleep more?" I asked him softly. I felt him shake his head. "No, it's been a long day, sleep. I think I will to" He told me. "Tony?" I questioned. "hmm" I heard him groan. "Lay with me tonight?" I asked, afraid he would say he couldn't. "Don't worry. I'm not leaving. I'll be right here when you wake up. He whispered. He began to hum the same unfamiliar tune he was Saturday night, and I drifted off to sleep.