No Such Thing as Too Young

I stared at my body in the mirror. The only clothing covering my tan skin was my undergarments. I looked at the way my stomach was too big, my thunder thighs, the lack of a thigh gap, the flab on my arms, and the scars covering my thighs.
When I woke up this morning not only had my mom took Danny home, and gone to work, but Tony was gone as well. He left no evidence he had ever been there expect my blankets askew on the side he had slept.
The razor in my hand felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. The tears silently slid down my checks.
I sent one simple text to Tony.
I'm sorry. I can't take anymore

I needed to do this.
No you don't
Yes I do.
Think about Tony..
"Fuck Tony" I said out loud instead of the inner dialogue, as I prepared myself for the sting of the razor.
My bathroom door slammed open, and Tony stood there in shock. I looked at him, the look of fear written all over his face, and the tears in his eyes. I dropped the blade, it made a clinking sound as it hit the floor. He quickly pulled me into his body, tightly wrapping his arms around my body. I couldn't stop the sobs escaping my mouth, and the tears rapidly flowing from my eyes.
"No, no. You can't ever try to leave me Shay. You can't." He fiercely whispered, his hand running through my long hair in a calming motion. I shook my head against his chest. "I can't, I can't do this anymore Tony. Any of it." I told him. He kissed the top of my head and looked me in the eyes. "Yes, yes you can. You have so much worth living for. And this may sound selfish but I can't go on if you aren't around Shay" He kissed my check, and lifted me off the ground, carrying me back into my room. He set me on the bed, and backed away to look at me. I self consciously hid my stomach, and wrapped the blanket around me. Tony was snapped out of his trance, furiously wiped his tears away and went to get me clothes.

He brought me back sweat pants, and a t-shirt, turning around so I can change. I nervously stood, sliding pants and a shirt on.
"Tony" I whispered quietly. I barely recognized my own voice. It was hoarse and full of sadness. He turned around, and looked me over. "Why Shay" he asked me. I started crying again, and took a step forward to wrap my arms around him. He swayed me back and forth, keeping a tight grip on me. "I can't take it anymore Tony. It's so hard to get up everyday, to see myself in the mirror, to hate myself so much. I just can't" I told him. "Oh baby" he whispered leading me to the bed, and laying down next to me. Our hands were intertwined, laying face to face. "I'm sorry I'm so much trouble. Maybe everyone would be better off without me" I whispered, looking at our hands in between our bodies. "No, never ever say that again. You mean the world to me, I would be so lost without you, I couldn't go on without you. Darling you'll be okay" he told me, lifting our still laced hands, kissing my knuckles. "Sing to me?" I asked him quietly.
He let out a small smile, cleared his throat, and searched his head for a song.
I knew what it was the second he started singing, and it bought a smile to my face as well.

Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
but bear this mind it was meant to be
and i'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
and it all makes sense to me

i know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile,
you've never loved your stomach or your thighs
the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But i'll love them endlessly

I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth
But if i do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to
i'm in love with you and all these little things

You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
and all those conversations are the secrets that i keep
though it makes no sense to me

i know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape
you never want to know how much you weigh
you still have to squeeze into your jeans
but you're perfect to me

i won't let this little things slips out of my mouth
But if it's true, it's you, it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you and all these little things

you never love yourself half as much as i love you
you'll never treat yourself right darling but i want you to
if i let you know, i'm here for you
maybe you'll love yourself like i love you oh

i've just let these little things slips out of my mouth
because it's you, oh it's you, it's you they add up to
and i'm in love with you (all these little things)
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
but if it's true, it's you, it's you they add up to
I'm in love with you, and all your little things.

We stayed like that most of the day, the scenery outside changed, but Tony and I didn't. We sat there, talking about everything, and anything.
"Do you remember that time when you were five, and Dan Hopper took your doll at the park, so I kicked him in the shin?" Tony asked me, laughing. I giggled, snuggling into his chest more. "Yeah. I think he still doesn't like me." I told him jokingly.
"Can you believe we go on a tour this winter Shay?" He asked me. I bit my lip. We would not be going anywhere. Tony and the boys would. I would be going three whole weeks without my best friend to count on. "I'm so nervous Shay. What if people don't like us, what if all this hard work was for nothing?" He asked me quietly. "Antonio!" I scolded him "They will love you. You guys can do this, I believe in you. You guys are great" I told him sincerely. "Thanks Shaina" He said quietly.
I smiled and pulled my head out of the crook of his neck to look at him. "Of course" I told him, staring into his eyes. He smiled and leaned in, brushing his lips softly against mine. "I love you Shay" He whispered closing his eyes and pulling me as close as he could. "Love you too Tony" I mumbled.
"Don't ever forget how much I care about you okay? I know I can fuck up, be an asshole, not say the right things, or just be a complete dork. But never forget moments like this okay? When I'm away on tour, just call me, or video chat me, and when I can't, lay here, play a song and think of me." he whispered. A blush crept onto my checks, and I nodded. "I'll always remember times like there Turtle" I told him.
"Shay!" My mom called out, jogging up the steps and into my room. I unwrapped myself from Tony, and watched as she opened the door. "Oh hey Tony. Glad to see you here again." she said smiling. "Aunt Lydia wants to know if you can watch Danny next weekend while she goes out of town." She told me, motioning to the cell phone in her hand. "Yeah sure." I told her, nodding my head. She smiled, putting the phone back to her ear and leaving my room. I turned back to Tony and snuggled close again. "You're absolutely amazing." he told me. I shook my head. How can he say that? I'm the furthest thing from it. "I'm really not." He sighed, "You really are. You take care of Danny, you're smart, beautiful, caring, loving, you are just the most amazing person I know" he told me honestly. "So are you Tony. Daniel really looks up to you. You are what he wants to be" I said laughing quietly. I felt Tony's chest shake slightly from a silent laugh. "Let's hope not completely. He's too smart to be in a band. He needs to be a doctor or something" He said. The room grew quiet, nothing left to talk about after a day in bed.
He began to sing again, Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

As the song came to a close, I leaned up, and quickly kissed the corner of his soft lips.
"I' can promise I will never forget this"