NYXIS

Shin POV.

The stage feels slimy beneath my fingertips. I crawl towards an older man, who winks. I want to back away, go home, go to school, but I can’t. I sway my hips in the air to the beat of the raunchy American song. The old creep smiles and tosses me a few small bills. Stingy old bastard.

I belong to the part of Korea that everyone tries to forget about. I am the lowest of the low. I have disgraced my parents and my honor by doing this. I don’t care. I will do what I have to in order to keep Soo Min fed. Even if it means shaking my ass for old men in a decrepit strip club on the bad side of Seoul. Soo Min is my everything. She is the last connection to normal I have.

Two middle-aged men approach my stage and sit in worn chairs. They watch me carefully and then turn to each other. A moment later, they’re staring at me again. I stand and walk around the stage, ensuring that my tight pants pull properly across my ass. The two new men begin to talk again. This time, I catch snippets of their conversation.

“Not many…piercings…handsome…sing…girls…New Era…stylists…yes!” The shorter of the men stood and walked up to my stage. I saunter over to him and crouch down, still making sure to show my muscles. The shorter of the men doesn’t look at my body like the other patrons of the club do. Instead, he stares into my eyes.

“How can I help you?” I purr, trailing my finger down his cheek, neck, and then chest. He pushes my hand away and clears his throat. He looks awfully uptight in his suit. Rich, too.

“Can you sing?” he asks curtly. I fiddle with the small stud in my tongue. Can I sing? I’ve only ever sung for my sister. She said I was good, but Soo Min says I’m good in everything. I then start to bite at my lip ring nervously.

“Why do you care?” I say, standing and crossing my arms. When I stand on my stage, I’m several feet above his head. I jump down onto the carpet-covered concrete, only barely suppressing the whines my knees gave. “Hmm?”

The man just glances back at his cohort and beckons him forward. The taller of the two pulls out a small business card and tucks it away in his palm, as if he wants it there at just the right time. “What’s your name?” the taller man asks, his lips forcing up into a small smile. I hesitate. My name? Should I give Noire or should I give Shin? Is this work or is this personal?

“Why do you want it?” I sound unnecessarily harsh, but I’m not one to go around giving out my information. Especially not in the nasty strip club I work at. The shorter of the men sighs impatiently.

“Just tell us! We want to offer you a job!”

My eyes blow open. A job? I have a job. I have two jobs. I strip and I take care of Soo Min. That should be considered two jobs, right? “Jun Shin,” I find myself saying. “But here, you call me Noire. Is that clear?” I say quickly, crossing my arms again.

“Okay, Jun Shin –”

“Noire,” I hiss at the taller man. He sighs exasperatedly.

“Okay, Noire. Can you sing?”

I freeze. Well, why not? He knows my name. He knows my darkest secret. He practically knows my every strand of DNA at this point. Why not sing? “I can sing.” And suddenly, a popular Korean song begins to play over the club’s sound system. I jump back up onto my stage and put on my best face as I sing the lyrics. The men watch me with small smiles as I belt out the words and dance around.

When the song is over, I crouch down at the edge of the stage again. The taller man hands me his card. “You’re perfect for the job. Come by my office on Monday at about noon. We’ll discuss the details then.”

Suddenly, the men are gone and I’m left crouching on my stage with a business card between my fingers and a respectable job in my future. I pick up the stray bills on the stage and tuck them into my pockets before scurrying to the back room. I throw my shirt on and grab my bag, my face in the first genuine smile in a long time. Soo Min will be happy.

~*~

“Appa! You’re home!” Soo Min exclaims, running into my arms. I sigh sadly.

“Dongsaeng, I’m not your Appa, I’m your Oppa,” I try to explain. She scoffs and I know she’ll never call me Oppa again. I guess that’s a good thing, in a way. This way, she has a father figure. But I don’t want her to forget Mother and Father. I hope she knows they didn’t want to leave her. I hope she knows I’ll love her enough for Umma, Appa, and myself.

“Appa, I love you,” she murmurs, shoving her face into my sticky shoulder. She doesn’t seem to mind the smell of sweat and glitter, though. I hug her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Picking her up bridal style, I carry my little sister to her room and tuck her into bed.

“I love you, too, Soo Min.” I press a kiss to her forehead and sit next to her until I’m sure she’s asleep. I’ve done it ever since we got the call from the hospital saying Umma and Appa’s car had crashed. If I don’t, she gets nightmares.

In the moonlight, I inspect the card the tall man had given me in the club.



New Era Entertainment? I’ve never heard of this agency. It must be new. I sigh and pocket the card again, vowing I’ll visit them on Monday. In the meantime, though, I have to plan something to do with Soo Min tomorrow. I don’t have work, and she doesn’t have school, so I’ve taken it upon myself to make sure she enjoys herself. I’ve considered going shopping, but I don’t have the money to get her what she wants. I’ve thought about taking her to a park and just walking around and talking, but that can’t be much fun to a ten-year-old girl. And now I’m stuck.

I know she likes Japanese anime, and she adores everything Hello Kitty, so perhaps we could stay in and watch anime while making little Hello Kitty keychains. I’d have to learn how to make a keychain, but that sounds fun, even to me! And hey, there’s no such thing as too much Hello Kitty.

I pull up my laptop and do a quick search on how to make keychains. The instructions look simple enough, and the materials don’t look that expensive. Glancing at my clock, I wonder if the stores would still be open. Hoping they would be, I throw on my jacket and grab my wallet. I give Soo Min one last kiss on the forehead before leaving the house.

When I return from the store, I have two armfuls of heavy bags filled with everything Hello Kitty and an obnoxious amount of girly anime with Korean subtitles. Thanks to the private school Umma and Appa paid for me to attend, my Japanese, Chinese, and English are all decent, but I can’t afford to send Soo Min to such a nice school, so her language is limited to Korean and simple English. I hope to be able to teach her more languages as she gets older, but I’m scared she’ll not care.

Looking at the calendar hanging on the wall, I gasp. How have I forgotten? My birthday is this week! I’m so focused on Soo Min, I guess. I like it this way, though. Without her, I’d probably be dead. I should be celebrating my little sister for my twentieth birthday. Maybe I’ll do that. She’ll think I’m crazy, but she deserves it.

~*~

“Soo Min. Soo Min, wake up,” I say, gently rocking her shoulders. One of her dark eyes pops open.

“Appa, what are you doing? It’s early!” she exclaims, throwing an arm over her eyes like the little diva she is. I laugh and start to tickle her. She jerks and spasms, gasping for air as she giggles. I love her laugh. It’s so innocent. “Appa!” she gasps, tears leaking out of her eyes. I stop, worried for a moment that I’ve upset her, but when she starts to tickle me, I attack again. “Appa! Yah! Ugh, Shin!” she shouts, trying to find my ticklish places. I’m not ticklish, though. She doesn’t know that, I guess.

I stop tickling Soo Min and pull her up to a sitting position. Brushing her long, dark hair behind her ear, I smile at her. “Guess what we’re doing today?” I ask, reaching for the little keychain in my pocket. Her eyes and ears perk up.

“What? What? Tell me, Appa!” I laugh and pull the Hello Kitty chain from my pocket. When she sees it, she squeals and lunges for it, successfully ripping it out of my fingers. “Appa, this is great, but how are we going to do this for the entire day? It’s just a keychain,” she states, fiddling with the little clasps. I smile and pull her from her bed and into the main room. Her long pink nightgown flutters behind her as she runs to keep up with me.

“You ready?” I ask, hiding three series of anime behind my back. She raises an eyebrow and looks at me suspiciously.

“Appa, what’re you hiding?” I chuckle and whip out the DVDs. “Yah! Appa! Thank you! You’re so awesome, Shin!” she shouts, throwing her arms around my waist. I smile and hug her close to me, brushing my fingers through her thin hair.

“Hey, Minnie, let’s get started,” I say, using the nickname Umma gave her when she was little. Soo Min smiles and grabs the first disk and shoves it into the television box.

~*~

When the last Hello Kitty charm is secured to its chain and the last episode of Soo Min’s new favorite anime is over, I look at the clock. We’ve spent the entire day—until nine in the evening—making keychains and watching anime. I even tried teaching Soo Min a few Japanese words. She did seem to care, which made me happy, but I still won’t feel satisfied until she’s fluent.

“Yah, Appa, I’m tired. I’ve got classes tomorrow, too,” Soo Min says, rubbing at her eyes. I nod and offer to clean up for her. She kisses my cheek and disappears into her room.

“Oh! Soo Min!” I shout back, hoping she can hear me.

"Wae?”

“I’m going somewhere tomorrow at noon, and I don’t know when I’ll be home, so if I’m late, keep safe!” I say loudly, having the feeling she’s rolling her eyes at me.

“Yah, Appa!” Her tone confirms the eyeroll.

“I love you, Dongsaeng!” I shout back, teasing her a bit.

“Whatever, Shin,” she calls. I laugh and turn off the television.