Sightless

Chapter Six

Casey couldn’t do it. He couldn’t talk to Alex about it, he thought it he could. He was sure he wanted to. He felt a crazy, unexplainable, connection to Alex. Like anything that he told Alex would be okay. Like somehow Alex wouldn’t judge him harshly, wouldn’t tell anyone, and would maybe even possibly offer a solution. That’s the only reason why a guy would tell someone their problems right? Because everyone knows that guys only tell something that is bugging them if that someone can fix it.

Casey was so close to telling Alex what he and his father had talked about. But then he decided to kiss Alex first; a test to see what Alex’s deal was. Casey had thought the different possible reactions Alex could have and what each of them meant. Alex getting all flustered and practically falling off the rock was actually one of the reactions Casey had anticipated. It meant that Alex was in complete denial; about everything, his sexuality, Casey’s attraction to him, and his attraction to Casey. Which all things considering wasn’t that bad of a thing. It just meant that Casey would have to do a little reality shocking before he could tell Alex what he had to say.

After dropping Alex off Casey drove around town trying to clear his head and think of anything, but the conversation he had, had with his father. Instead he just managed to run out his gas tank.

“S***,” he muttered to himself when he realized his gas gauge was on E. He focused on his surroundings and determined that the closest station was about a block over.

Once the turn off came into sight Casey flipped on his blinker and came to a stop at pump 3, nearly hitting the extremely large, extremely obvious trash can because he wasn’t paying close enough attention. The only external thing he was paying attention to was that he got pump 3. No matter where Casey got gas he made sure that he got pump 3. It was just something that his mother had always done and that he inadvertently picked up as well.

Not realizing the sudden drop in temperature, Casey rubbed his upper arms in a pitiful attempt to warm himself up. He looked over the roof of his car and saw that the sun was beginning to dip below the tree line. No wonder it had gotten so cold, the sun was setting. If there was an award for Best At Being Oblivious To Your Surroundings, Casey had a strong feeling that after today he would have no competition.

The familiar thunk the nozzle made when the tank was full pulled Casey out of his thoughts once more. He returned it to its holster and used his bank card to pay. He had one leg in the car when he realized he was about to forget to close the gas cap.

“Godd***it,” Casey cursed running his words together.

He pulled his head together and decided it was time to get something to eat since he hadn’t eaten since his father had talked to him. He still didn’t have much of an appetite, but he knew what would happen if he didn’t eat eventually. No use in putting it off any longer. Without even bothering to check if his dad had attempted to make something for dinner he whipped his Ford Festiva into Gio’s parking lot.

Gio’s was a hole in the wall Italian place that was about an hour away that he used to go to with his family. It was a place they went for special occasions and birthdays. One time they went to tell Casey that his mother had gotten the job she had wanted since she was a little girl. Another time they went because Casey had scored the winning goal during his youth league soccer game, it was also his first goal outside of practice. The last time they had gone was when they broke the news to Casey that his mom was sick, that wasn’t such a special occasion.

With a little effort Casey got the booth by the back window that he always sat at with his family. The knick in the table from when he was seven was still there and he found himself tracing it with his finger tip without even thinking about it. He had to bite his lip to keep it from trembling. A rush of a seventeen-year-life-time’s worth of memories flooded through Casey’s, each one playing in fast forward on the movie screen behind his eyes. Some were so painful they caused Casey to close his eyes and bunch up the fabric of his slightly baggy jeans.

It was like this that Casey was interrupted by the waitress. “Uh, should I come back later? This looks like a bad time..” the girl said awkwardly trailing off. She knew she should have turned around and snuck away, but for some reason her mouth ran ahead of her brain and she spoke instead.

“No, now’s as good a time as any I guess,” Casey said opening his eyes and looking at the sleight girl. She couldn’t have been more than four foot ten and had a mess of curly black hair. She looked like one of the waitresses that used to work there when his family used to come there, only a miniature version.

“Are you meeting someone.. or are you alone..”

“It’s just me.”

“Okay, then. What can I start you with or are you ready to order?” She said getting out her notepad and pen.

“Are you related to Marline by chance?” Casey asked spontaneously.

“Uh, yeah, she’s my mom. I’m Molly. She got me the job a few years ago for me to work through college. Why?”

“I used to come here a lot with my family when I was younger. We were always seated in her section because she was my mom’s favorite waitress. You just look a lot like her.”

“Oh, why did you stop coming?”

“My mom died.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“It was a long time ago. Tell your mom Casey Toler says hi if you don’t mind,” Casey said fidgeting with his silverware.

“No problem. So.. um.. what about your order?”

“I’ll have a plate of stuffed shells with extra sauce, please,” Casey said without consulting the flimsy ancient menu. He was sure that they hadn’t stopped serving the only thing he ate on the entire menu.

“What would you like to drink?” Molly asked jotting his order down.

“Pepsi.”

“Alright, I’ll put your order in and bring your drink out in a minute,” She said and with an awkward nod she scurried away from the table. She had never felt more awkward in her life and she was a naturally awkward girl. She could tell that something was bothering the boy at the booth all alone, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Normally she would assume that it was because of his mother, but the tone in his voice implied it was so much more than that.

And she was right. It was everything. Casey felt so overwhelmed he wasn’t acting like himself. He just kept tracing the knick in the table over and over again until she brought out his Pepsi. He didn’t look up and she didn’t say a word. He took a big sip of his drink and swiped his hand down his face. He needed to quit acting like such a sourpuss or the poor waitress was going to stroke out on him.

“Here you are. If you need anything just let me know,” Molly said quietly.

“Sorry about earlier. I’m better now. I know you were concerned and I made you feel awkward.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you are doing better,” she said and then disappeared back to the kitchen to pick up another order.

Casey turned his attention to his plate and began eating slowly. You’d think for a person who hadn’t eaten in almost two days would have inhaled their food, but that would only make Casey sick. And what was the point of driving an hour away from home to eat food you would throw up as soon as it hit bottom.

Casey finished up his meal after being there for almost an hour and left without saying goodbye to his waitress.

When Casey got behind the wheel of his Festiva he pulled out his phone, held down the power button, and his phone whirred to life. He had turned it off after Rodney had text him and told him Alex was on his way into the park, he hadn’t wanted a single interruption while he was with Alex. Ironically enough his attempt at kissing Alex had not only been an interruption, but a complete conversation ender. Alex hadn’t even said goodbye when he practically jumped out of Casey’s car before he shifted into park.

Immediately Casey’s phone began pinging and vibrating. When he was sure it was done he began checking his texts. He had three from Rodney and seven from his father. And twice as many missed calls. Without responding to even Rodney, Casey powered his phone off and slid it back into his pocket.

It was time to face the music, but he could at least post pone it an hour until he got home. He figured it would be better to pretend like his phone was dead than to admit that he had turned it off and forgotten to turn it back on. His dad had a zero tolerance for forgetfulness. Not that he was particularly hard on Casey; it was just one of his quirks.

“Casey, is that you? Can I have a word with you?”

Involuntarily Casey’s heart sputtered and began racing, his palms began sweating, and he swallowed, trying to clear the lump from his throat. He had been having that reaction every time he heard his dad’s voice since their talk, but it was a lot worse since he knew his father was liable to rip him a new one at any moment.

“Yeah, Dad?” Casey said with another swallow, hoping his father wouldn’t notice.

“Where the, excuse the language, f*** have you been? I don’t pay your phone bill for no Godd*** reason!” Mr. Toler said his tone changing from calm to enraged before he realized it. He didn’t mean to yell, he had news that would shake Casey, but he couldn’t help it. He had been trying to reach him for the past four hours and kept getting sent straight to voicemail.

“My phone was dead. I got hung up at school and then I knew I had missed dinner so I grabbed something to eat.”

Mr. Toler blew out a puff of air he had been holding. He needed to calm down or this would only make it harder for Casey to hear.

“Have a seat, please.”

Casey did as he was told and nodded for his father to continue.

“I guess I will cut right to the point, since I can’t think of an easy way to say it.”

“What is it?” Casey asked feeling a little better knowing that was the extent of a** chewing.

“I got the job in Florida. I know this isn’t going to be easy for either of us, but on the plus side it is a big promotion. I’ll be making more money than what we’re used to. We’ll be living very comfortably and I’ll be able to buy a better car, and you’ll be able to go to any college you want..”

His relief was short lived.