In Too Deep

Chapter Three

I tossed the sheets off my very sweaty bod and quieted my screams. I had been having terrible nightmares all throughout the night. So needless to say I was going to be a bundle of joy during school. I woke up an hour before my alarm was supposed to go off. “Fantastic,” I said to no one in particular. I decided to quit griping and get into the shower. I forgot about the stupid thirty second delay and suffered some major shrinkage. It wasn’t like I was going to father any kids anyway. I lathered up and rinsed off at a record time and wrapped myself up in a towel.

I went back to my room to get dressed. I leafed through every single shirt in my closet twice and wasn’t satisfied. I finally decided on tie-dyed V-neck I had made with E before she was pregnant. It was probably the most legit tie-dye shirt I had ever made. It was like the ones you saw that just looked so perfect and its colors blended so nicely. God I’m so gay, I thought to myself as I decided on a pair of white skinny jeans and went back into the bathroom to fix my hair. A smidge of gel and a couple swipes of the straightener and I was finished. Yes, I may have stolen my moms’ straightener, so what.

After I was finished getting ready I walked into the kitchen to see a note on the breakfast nook. It said, ‘I had to go in early. Have a good day, I left breakfast in the microwave and your lunch is in the fridge. Love, Liv.’ I went to the microwave and saw that she had made stuffed pancakes. I tore a pancake in half and stuck my finger in the filling. I licked the filling off my finger and had to suppress a moan. They were Cheesecake Pancakes. So much better than what I had thought they were going to be. My fingers glided over the buttons on the microwave and I ran around the kitchen looking around looking for syrup. I found it in the fridge of all places, must have been E because Mom would never put it there. I got the steaming stack of pancakes out of the microwave and sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen. I tore into my pancakes with such a ferocity I was finished in all of five minutes.

I glanced up at the clock and realized that it was about time for me to leave and I shoved my mess into the dishwasher and hurried out the door. It wasn’t until I was on the bus and smiling to myself about how pancakes could completely turn my mood around, when I realized that I had forgotten everything I needed for school sitting on the island back at home. I turned my head and let it thump against the window. A couple dozen times. But not to worry no one noticed. Everyone was either stoned or sleeping this early in the morning.

I was getting whiplash from my mood swings and it wasn’t even noon yet. I made a mental note to remind one of my moms to get me a refill of my mood regulators. I ran out right before the new semester, which caused my anxiety to flare which in turn caused my moods to tailspin. I was a mess. But sometimes I played this game where I pretended to be normal. No one outside of my moms knew that I went through shrinks like Jackie went through boyfriends. And I was more than determined to keep it that way. It was one of those ‘if I told you I’d have to kill you’ kind of secrets.

I almost told my crush at my old school, but then it was as if fate had intervened and an advertisement for my doctor had come on and then some rude remarks were made amongst the group I was with and my crush went right along with them. I decided to keep my mouth shut about having to take crazy pills. Or maybe the better term would be anti-crazy pills. It ended up not working out. I think it’s because he was straight and felt weird about the stuff we did while he was drunk. Even when I lied and said I was drunk too, he still got distant and pretty much broke off all contact with me. No worries though, our mutual friends still talked to me because they thought he was just being a d***.

Thankfully my mood leveled off after Statistics for a couple of reasons. Mr. Green didn’t jump my a** because I didn’t bring anything to class, in fact he didn’t even notice he was too busy telling an anecdote about Mumbai or something. And I got some quality Lesley time. I swear I would be straight for that girl if I thought she might be up for it, and I could stomach her lady parts. To top it off Jackie was too busy texting her new flavor of the week to really agitate me. I know I sound like a bad person every time I mention her, but it was a love-hate relationship with us. When I had my medicine I didn’t have to tolerate her, I actually enjoyed her company a lot of times.

After Statistics ended I was on autopilot until my lunch period. I was really looking forward to what my office aide friend was supposed to bring me. She had a killer intuition because brought me extra cheesy cheese fries and I always binged on carbs when I was upset. I got some peculiar stares from the other inhabitants at my table because I was so enthusiastic about my food. I don’t think they had ever seen me show emotion before then. I really needed my meds.

The bell rang and I headed to bathroom to wash the grease off of my hands. I dried my hands off on my pants and hurried off to class. I was nearly trampled by someone on my way in. I knew I was a little later than I’d like to be, but d***. I looked to see who it was and surprise surprise it was Anna and Luke, but mostly Anna.

“Sorry, uh, Ashley’s friend. I didn’t see you there,” Luke said looking of his shoulder and guiding Anna to her seat. I wanted to raspberry at her and use my tongue for something else for Luke.

“I have a name,” I said crossing my arms.

Luke was bent over Anna’s desk talking to her about something private when he turned to look at me. “And what is that?”

“Blake.”

“And does Blake have a last name?” He asked with a dreamy look in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. He was every boy and girl’s dream. Too bad he already had a leach attached to his side.

“Blake does. Cooper.”

“Nice,” dream boy said before his leach practically had a coronary.

She really got on my nerves. All I can say is she must be to die for in bed, because that’s the only reason anyone would ever put up with her. I day dreamed about Ashley kicking her a** up one hallway and down the other for the rest of class and was surprised when it was time for History.

I actually felt excited the second I remembered Mr. Hotpants was my teacher. I got even more excited when I realized I had that class alone with Luke. Not that we had said anything to each other after he got started talking to his pal Steven. But it was enticing nonetheless. I practically ran to class in hopes I’d be alone with Mr. Hotpants or Luke.

I must have finally hit the cosmic lotto because I got the privilege of being alone with both of them. When I walked in Luke was lazily leaning against the cabinet next to Mr. Hotpants’ desk talking away. Mr. Hotpants was bent over his desk searching for something and listening ever so attentively. I felt like I had accidentally walked into one of my own fantasies. Unfortunately Mr. Hotpants still had all of his shirt buttons still buttoned, so it was a little different.

“Hello, Sebastian,” Mr. Hotpants said after dropping his eyes to his roll.

Well, there goes my fantasy.

The color drained from my face before my cheeks flushed with anger. My hands started shaking by my side. I wanted to badly to explode, but I would clue them into the psycho that I really was and I didn’t want to do that. Not with there only being one semester left until I graduated. I took a second to calm myself.

“It’s Blake. I think there must be a mistake on your roll,” I said my voice seemingly normal.

“I’m sorry about that. I’ll fix it right now. Hello, Blake,” he said reaching for a pen and scribbling through my name.

“Hi,” I said feeling the slightest bit embarrassed. I always felt embarrassed when I freaked over stupid stuff. It was an honest mistake. He didn’t know not to call me that. I still thought he was hot.

Luke snorted and pushed himself off of the metal cabinet. “We’ll get this straightened out after class, okay?” He said addressing Mr. Hotpants.

“Sure thing.”

Luke took his seat by me and looked at me with probing eyes. He wanted to say something, but wasn’t quite sure what to say. I wasn’t quite sure what he was going to say either. I just hoped that it wasn’t something about how crazy I was.

“I sense that getting your name wrong is a touchy subject with you,” Luke said finally deciding on what to say, a smirk played at his lips.

I mentally sighed. It was definitely something I could work with. I wouldn’t have to defend my sanity or anything. “Something like that.”

Luke’s smirk came out loud and proud and he said, “Good thing I’ve got your name down now.”

Pause for heart flutter.

“I’m glad.”

As much as I liked to freak out and being gay all the time I was really good at acting. I should’ve looked into Theatre class, because I found myself always acting nonchalant when Luke was around, when I was feeling just the opposite on the inside.

Out of nowhere a rush of bodies swarmed through the door and Steven dropped into his usual seat shutting Luke up. Well not exactly, he turned to Steven and started blabbering away to him. If Steven didn’t have such a pretty face (and if I were a more violent person) I’d probably punch him in it. Couldn’t he go steal Anna from Luke or something?

I tuned them out and paid attention to my true love, Mr. Hotpants. Even though he made the name flub earlier my heart was still devoted to his beauty.

“Alright class, I am assigning textbooks today. And before I hear a collective moan, I am just assigning you numbers so you will always have a book. You aren’t allowed to take them out of the room unless you sign them out because the school has little faith in me and only gave me a class set of books for my first year.”

Mr. Hotpants and I had something in common. We were both new kids. I approve.

I continued to hang on his every word until the bell rang. Then I was pretty stoked to get out of there. No use in lollygagging if Luke was staying behind to talk to Mr. Hotpants.

“Wait a second, Blake. Could you wait for me after I finish my business with Luke?”

“Uh, sure,” I replied very chalantly. I guess I can only be nonchalant with Luke. Mr. Hotpants was a whole ‘nother story.

I stood outside the door for what seemed like an eternity until Luke came out. He gave me a look that I didn’t wait around to find out what it meant. I didn’t want to be too late getting home.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, it’s about earlier. There was a mistake on my roll. For some reason you were listed as only Blake so I went down to the office and got it straightened out. Sebastian B. Cooper is what was printed on my new roll sheet.”

I shuddered at the mention of the ‘S’ word. I crossed my arms to hide my clenched fists. I was going to have a problem with Mr. Hotpants if he kept calling me that.

“Well, that’s a mistake. My name is Blake,” I said through clenched teeth.

“You are having the same reaction. Why does it bother you so badly when I say the name Sebastian?”

God I wish I had my anti-crazy pills.

I dropped my hands to my side in balled up fists. “Because my name is Blake,” I said raising my voice.

“Calm down. Now listen, I’m not opposed to calling you by a different name, I was a student not too long ago, but I just would like to know why it bothers you so much to hear the name Sebastian.”

God I really really wish I had my anti-crazy pills.

I slammed my hands down on his desk. “Because my Godd*** name is Blake!” I said and started crying.

For God sake’s why did they ever let me run out of my medicine?

Before Mr. Hotpants could think otherwise he rushed around his desk and pulled me into a hug. I must have sobbed onto his dress shirt for a good ten minutes before I calmed down. I was so upset I barely thought about killing myself. Which is what any normal person would have thought about at time like that.

“Are you okay now?” He asked pulling away enough so he could see my face.

I just nodded, afraid to speak.

“Can I let go now?”

I nodded.

“Do you mind telling me what that was all about?”

“I choose death,” I croaked. My voice was so raw I sounded a hundred.

“Blake,” Mr. Hotpants said in ‘the voice’ giving me ‘the look.’ He was so devastatingly human I forgot that he was my teacher.

“Fine,” I huffed pulling completely out of Mr. Hotpants’ grasp. If I was going to tell him all of this I didn’t want to tell him while he was holding me. Which after I had time to think about it was extremely odd and unprofessional. “I have issues with being called that because it is my dead beat’s name. He ran out on my mom because he didn’t want to be a dad yet. Last I heard he actually got married. I refuse to find out whether or not if he had kids with her. But it probably worked out in the end because my mom is now happily civil unioned with the love of her life and they’re having a baby. And I tend to ramble when I’m humiliated.”

“Ah, there it is. I guess it’s one too many psych classes I took in college, but I just had to know why you had issues with that name. I apologize for pushing you so far and for your dead beat,” he said and gathered me up into another embrace.

This time it felt awkward. Not in a pervert-y way, but in a I-just-snapped-and-yelled-at-my-teacher-and-then-he-hugged-me-and-I-told-him-my-life-story way. “Thanks. If I hadn’t ran out of my medicine it probably wouldn’t have happened.”

I could have just punched myself after saying that.

He could tell too. “Don’t worry, your secrets safe with me, and I won’t call you anything, but Blake from now on.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Do you need a ride home? You’ve surely missed your bus by now.”

“I walk home. It doesn’t take that long.”

“Are you sure?” he asked grabbing up his keys and his briefcase.

“Yeah, it would be hard to explain to my, err, step mom anyway,” I said edging towards the door.

“Okay, suit yourself,” he said breezing past me.

What. The. French. Toast.