Until Death Do Us Part

Jayson’s P.O.V

It has been four months since my sister died. Four months full of nightmares. Four months full of pity from my teachers. Four months full of fights with Tommy’s mom. Four months since I lost my virginity to Tommy. Four agonizing months full of watching Tommy waste away into practically nothing.

Getting sicker and sicker. He stopped bothering with school a month ago. He was put into the hospital a week ago.

XxXxX

“Tommy, can you please eat something?” I begged futilely.

He tilted his head up at me, his hair falling away from his eyes to reveal the deep purple bags under them. His lips, an unnatural pale pink, moved forming his words before his voice caught up with them “I can’t, Jay. You know I can’t. I’m way to nauseas.”\

“But, Tommy, you haven’t eaten since you had your last treatment,” I pleaded nudging the tray to him again.

“I know, Jay. But I just can’t. It hurts too much when I throw up. Of course I’m starving, but I can’t throw up again,” he said softly, dropping his head back onto the pillow.

I sucked in a deep breath. He had been so nauseas lately. It’s getting worse. His cancer has spread to pretty much every vital part of his body now. He didn’t have much longer left. Dr. Kradic said he may have another month, if he’s lucky. His mom had pretty much let up on not letting me around. She realized how bad it was affecting him when she kept us apart. His dad never had much to say about it to begin with, but now he was for us being together as much as possible. He knew that I made Tommy happy.

I’ve lost just about all faith in everything. I knew at some point there were going to be rough days, but it has been big chunks of rough days. He really hasn’t been very well since the night we made love. I almost blame myself for letting him work himself up like that. Not even fifteen minutes after we had finished he began throwing up. His mother wasn’t there because she had to go back to work. So I was left alone to take care of him. I had to beg him to eat that night too.

XxXxX

“Jay,” Tommy’s raspy voice called pulling me from my thoughts.

“I’m sorry, baby, I thought you fell asleep,” I said softly, taking his hand in mine.

“I love you, Jay.”

“I love you too, Tommy.”

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you turn on a movie? And snuggle with me?”

“Sure, baby. What movie do you want to watch?”

I jumped up from the God-awful chair beside his bed and turned on the television. I peeled the remote off of the side of the TV and brought it back with me. I lay down beside him and pushed my way under the covers. He snuggled into my chest weakly. I rested my chin on his head and he sighed contentedly.

“What is there?” he asked in a small voice that I had begun to recognize as his new voice.

I clicked through the selection of movies On Demand, looking for something interesting. How swanky was this hospital, that it had On Demand? I would know Tommy and I have watched a movie for the past three weeks he’s been in this place.

“Stop.”

My finger hovered over the down arrow. “What is it?” I asked trying to figure out which one it was that had piqued his interest.

“That one; Keith.”

I read the description. It was about a girl who was on top until she met a mysterious boy who turned her world up when she began trying to learn more about it. It sounded like a total chick flick. The kind of movie I would pick out. I looked at the list of actors in the movie. I was shocked to see that Jesse McCartney was the one who played Keith.

“Babe, are you sure about this? You hate Jesse McCartney and chick flicks are my thing.”

“Yeah, it’s better than any of the other ones,” he said quietly.

I shrugged it off and pressed play. About half way through the movie I wanted to throw the remote through the TV. Leave it to Tommy to select a movie about a girl who falls in love with a boy who has cancer.

“Can I turn it off, Tommy?” I pleaded.

“Shh,” he whispered frailly.

I grunted in frustration. I had a feeling I didn’t want to see the end.

I was right. In the end when Keith and Natalie finally get together he dies soon after. It doesn’t actually show his death, but it shows Natalie driving his truck to London, Canada, the place he wanted to go before he died.

I felt hot tears running down my face and my chest began to shake. I began sobbing, silently. I knew that I would be doing the same thing in about a week. Well not the same thing exactly, but I will carry out Tommy’s last wishes.

“Jay, why are you crying?” Tommy asked sounding utterly confused.

“Because that’s us,” I replied in a chocked sob.

Tommy wrapped his thin arms around me, trying to comfort me. “There’s no time to be sad now, Jay. I’m not gone yet. I love you until the end and it’s not the end yet.”

I tried to stop crying for him He didn’t need this now. He needed me to be strong. He was right, it wasn’t the end. But the end was soon.

XxXxX

I woke up from my third night in the hospital with Tommy, to the sound of voices. I peeked out of the slits of my eyes. Three nurses were gathered around a sleeping Tommy.

“What’s going on?” I asked pulling myself up straight.

“Mr. Woods hasn’t been eating so we are inserting a feeding tube before his next treatment,” A mocha colored nurse informed me.

“A feeding tube?” I croaked.

He was becoming more fragile by the day.

The nurse just gave me a grim nod and continued with her work. It was horrifying to watch, but not nearly as horrifying as to watch him waste away.

Dr. Kradic sauntered through the door, shoulders slumped, and eyes cast down. He had started acting that way ever since we watched Keith last week. I knew it meant Tommy was getting worse.

“Oh, hi, Jayson. I didn’t realize you were still here,” he said when he finally noticed me. We had barely shared more than a few words before this and I was sure he was stalling.

“Yeah, I know he’s getting bad. My teachers will understand. How much longer does he have?”

He looked down at his black leather shoes. He was avoiding my question. “Well, he has made it longer than I had guessed..”

“How much longer?”

“Well, we just inserted the feeding tube..”

“HOW. MUCH. LONGER.”

“About two days,” he said in defeat. “I really thought he could pull through. I mean I knew his cancer had already metastasized by the time he started Chemo, but I just thought because he was so young he would respond well..”

I began shaking. I couldn’t hear him anymore. I was too busy hyper ventilating. I only had a year and seven months with him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that I was going to lose him in two days.
Dr. Kradic shuffled glumly over to Tommy and shook him awake. “Thomas, it’s time for your Chemo.”

I pulled myself together for him. I didn’t want him to know. He couldn’t know.

He opened his eyes looking groggy. His eyes flashed and he shot up, wincing in pain.

“Calm down, Thomas. It’s alright. It’s alright,” Dr. Kradic said pushing him back down onto his pillow.

“W-what’s in my nose?!”

“A feeding tube, baby. They need to get some food in you,” I said from my seat. I was gripping
the chairs of the arm with all my might. Seeing him freak out like that was horrible.

“When did they put it in?” he asked sounding scared. Fear flashing in his eyes.

“Earlier while you were sleeping. It was easier on you that way,” Dr. Kradic explained. “Now,

Thomas, are you ready for your treatment?”

He began crying. “Please don’t make me. I know I don’t have much time left. I can’t handle another round. I’m too weak for it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mnmm,” he said through his tears.

Dr. Kradic left us alone and I crawled into his bed. He sobbed into my chest. I started stroking his hair. He tangled his hands in my shirt. I couldn’t help but let a few tears slip down my face too.

XxXx

I don’t know how long Tommy and I were lying together, but we had both fallen asleep. That’s all he has been doing since they placed the feeding tube in him. Two and a half days ago. His mom and dad somehow managed to stop in every time he was asleep and always left right before he woke up. He liked to wake up at night, wanting to watch Keith again.

I perked up when I heard the sounds of footsteps in the hall. I waited to see if whoever it was were going to come in. In fact, they did. It was Mr. and Mrs. Woods.

“Hello, Jayson. How’s he doing?” Mrs. Woods asked.

“He made me watch Keith again last night, but he fell asleep before the end and hasn’t woken up since.”

Mrs. Woods shook her head sadly.

“Do you think he will sleep for a little while longer?” Mr. Woods asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, it’s just that we came here without eating in case he was awake and we are starving,” he explained sadly.

“Go on I’m sure he will still be asleep when you are done,” I said tiredly.

They wanted to come more, but they still had to work. They allowed me to stay with him night and day so that he wouldn’t wake up alone. They would be having to take off for a while soon enough..

There was a soft stirring beside me and I looked down at Tommy. He opened his eyes, there were huge bags beneath them and looked black against his deathly pale skin. “Good morning, Jay,” he croaked.

I winced on the inside, wanting to cry on the spot, but decided it wouldn’t help much right now. I would save that for later when he fell back asleep.

“Good afternoon, Tommy,” I corrected him.

He looked embarrassed, but couldn’t manage a blush. “I’m sorry I sleep so much,” he said softly.

“It’s okay, baby, you need your rest.”

“I still feel bad, I want to spend as much time with you as possible, but all I do is sleep.”

I pulled him to me, causing him to bunch his arms up into my chest, and rested my hand on his him. “Tommy, it’s the medicine. They’ve been giving you pain killers since you refused treatment.”

He nodded understanding. “Where are my mother and father?”

“They went to get something to eat; they thought you would be asleep for a while longer.”

“I’m going to miss them,” he said quietly, well more quiet than usual.

“Shh shh shh,” I whispered, stroking his hip with one hand and his hair with the other.

“Not as much as I will miss you though,” he said in the same even more quiet than usual voice.

“Oh, don’t say that, Tommy.”

“You know it’s the truth. I will miss you more.”

“Please, stop talking like that, Tommy,” I begged, feeling an aching in my chest. Tears threatened to spill out.

“I couldn’t make it through the end of Keith again and I slept all day, I know I don’t have much longer. I’m living on borrowed time as it is,” he said not even sounding sad. That let me know he had accepted his death.

“Please,” I begged again. I knew he was right. And it was all I could do not to cry.

Tommy was quiet for a few beats, but then he gasped.

“What is it?” I asked in alarm.

“God, Jay, you better tell my parents to hurry. I want to say goodbye,” he said, his voice strangled.

I buzzed for a nurse to get his parents and we waited in silence.

His breathing became shallow and gasp-y so I paged Dr. Kradic as well.

Through gasps he spoke again. “I love you, Jayson Vance. More than anything else. Until the end.”

I cupped his cheek, stroking it, and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Tommy Woods. More than anything. Until the end.”

He smiled up at me just as his parents burst through the door, but it was too late. The machine that was monitoring Tommy’s heart flat lined.

It was the end.