Until Death Do Us Part

Thomas’ P.O.V

I’ve always thought that bucket lists were kind of cheesy. I never thought about making my own. What I even would put on it. But finding out you have advanced stages of Testicular cancer highjacks your trains of thought and reroutes them. Sitting in my new oncologist’s treatment room gave me plenty of time to think about bucket lists. All the movies that have featured them, all various reasons why people had to make them, all of the crazy things people have done. But the sad part is I couldn’t think of single thing.

And then when Dr. Kradic finally came in I decided I had at least one thing on my bucket list that I had to pull off.

“Hello Thomas, I am Dr. Kradic, of course, and I will be administering your chemotherapy.”

“There’s no chance I could get the pills?” I asked weakly. I was counting on Jayson being here with me, but he really couldn’t afford to miss another day.

“No, I’m sorry. A port-a-cath will have to be inserted by an interventional radiologist because the medicine will have to be administered intravenously every time,” he said and then turned picking up a clip board.

“What does that mean? What exactly is this person going to do to me?” I asked wishing I had Jayson holding my hand, explaining to me what language that man was speaking.

XxXxXx

All I can remember clearly was lying on the operating table looking hazily up at the team of hospital personnel. I didn’t feel any pain, but I could see the team working over me. I remember being scared and whimpering several times. A woman’s voice reached my ears in such a dull muted tone I couldn’t understand what she was saying to me, but I saw her pat my shoulder and I decided it was meant to be comforting.

When my senses came fully back to me I was once again in Dr. Kradic’s room. He had just finished pushing those horrid drugs through my veins.

“I thought it would be easier on you if I gave your first round of chemotherapy to you while you were still out of it.”

My mouth was too dry to really say anything so I just nodded. I did a self-assessment and decided I wasn’t dead yet and nothing vital seemed to be missing. Except Jayson. I decided it wasn’t so horrible, especially since I wouldn’t have to be poked with all those needles every time nor would I have to have this thing transplanted every time.

“Can I get you some water?” The good Doctor asked.

I shook my head yes.

Dr. Kradic stepped outside the door and returned quickly with a small Styrofoam cup with a bendy straw and handed it to me. I pulled it up to my lips and took long pulls from the straw until I felt human again. I finished off the tiny cup in a matter of seconds and clutched it against my stomach.

“I spoke with the nurse and she said your boyfriend was here to get you,” Dr. Kradic said offhandedly.

I was mostly excited that Jayson was the one picking me up and not my mother, she had to work, but a part of me wanted to scream at him and tell him Jayson wasn’t the cause of my cancer that he wouldn’t let me get anywhere near him like that and that he was a doctor and should know better. I didn’t really know why, he didn’t exactly say anything, but the way he said it just made me mad.

“Can I go now?” I asked sitting up a little.

“Yes, you may.”

I got up onto my feet and unsteadily made my way to the waiting area where Jayson was sitting with his face in his hands. He was shaking slightly.

“Jay,” I said softly.

He looked up at me with red brimmed eyes, tears threatening to spill out. “Are you ready to go?”

He asked getting up and standing in front of me. I could see him contemplating whether to attack
me with affection or shrink back.

“Yeah,” I said in the same soft voice. My feet seemed locked in concrete and I couldn’t force myself to take another step forward.

“Well, come on then,” He said stretching his hand out and turning in one motion.

I managed to shake free of the concretes grip and grabbed Jayson’s hand. He was taking quick harsh strides and I just couldn’t seem to keep up. The room spun and my world felt topsy turvy. The next thing I knew the ground whooshed up at me and before I could feel the cold tile crack against my skull I felt a pair of warm arms jerk me up and into the owners chest. Still feeling woozy I leaned into Jayson and shut my eyes.

“Sorry, baby,” I said through clenched teeth. Along with the sudden dizziness I felt as nauseous as a woman nine months pregnant. I vaguely wondered if that would be considered vertigo when

Jayson finally held me at arm’s length and inspected me.

“Are you okay to make it to the car now?” He asked taking in my whole face.

I was sure I was a sickly green color now. “Yeah, I think I can manage. I don’t really know what happened. I just got so dizzy all of the sudden.”

Jayson’s P.O.V

My God that was by far the scariest thing I had ever seen. Thomas was fine and then all of the sudden he just hit the ground. I’m not sure how strong I can really be when he starts getting sicker. If I couldn’t stomach that what am I going to do when he starts wasting away? When he is too sick to stay out of a hospital bed? When he.. No I can’t think like that. I don’t care how grim the outlook is, Tommy will pull through and in three years he will graduate and come to school with me in Columbus, whether his parents like it or not.

Thomas’ P.O.V

I didn’t bother telling my mother about my dizzy spell or when I begged Jayson to pull over and let me throw up on the side of the road. I kept that between us, no need to worry her even more.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to Chemo, Thomas. I wish I could really make it up to you, it won’t happen again. But as a start I made your favorite thing for dinner,” my mother apologized as soon as Jayson dropped me off.

“It’s okay, Mom, really. And cool I’m always in the mood for Chicken Farfalle.”

Except for now, of course. I didn’t want to tell her how okay it was. It would break her heart to know that I would rather Jayson be there than her. It’s not that I don’t love her; she’s just too much of a nervous wreck. I didn’t want to be stressed out while I had that thing put in me and medicines injected into it.