Find Your Own Way

Muttering under her breath Arianna scrubbed the kitchen floor like it was the last thing she would do. Another one of her dad’s cruel punishments. Scrub the floors until they were spotless. She was starting to think that the floors hadn’t been washed in all the years they had lived here.

“Not clouded anymore are you Ari,” Johnny laughed stepping over her to get to the fridge.

“Fuck you,” she spat moving on to the next spot.

“Language, Ari, language,” he scolded. “While I’m here would you like a drink?”

“Of beer?” she asked almost hopeful.

Laughing Johnny shook his head. “No way, besides you know your options.”

“Water and milk, so fucking ridiculous,” she muttered ignoring the laughing man. For the last couple of days they were picking up on what she liked and didn’t like and using it against her. She was in jail, a jail with no bars but the worst jailers.

Hearing the doorbell ring she sighed. That was another one of her “duties”. If the door rang, she answered it. The phone rang, she answered it. She was almost tempted to call child services on her father but she still loved him overall.

“I’ll get it,” her father shouted from somewhere in the house.

Thanking whatever god there was Arianna went back to her chore. She was almost done with the kitchen, after that she’d have to go the dining room. She shuddered at the thought.

“Ari honey,” Brian shouted. “Come in here.”

Groaning she got up off the floor and threw her gloves down on the floor. Well at least she was getting a break.

“Yes?” she asked walking into the living room.

“Ari, this is an old friend of mine,” Brian said pointing his hand over to a man sitting on the couch. “Dan Love. Dan, this is my daughter, Arianna.”

Looking over to the man Arianna raised an eyebrow. She hadn’t even heard of him before. She slightly wondered how old he was. He looked pretty young, little rough around the edges, some specks of grey in his hair.

“Hi,” she stated monotonously.

“Hello there,” Dan replied smiling. Brian had called him a few weeks ago telling him about his daughter, catching up, and inviting him over for a visit. At the time it had to wait because he was over in England with his band but once he got back he said he’d love to stay over for a few days. And here he was.

“Okay, anything else?” she asked turning back to her dad.

“Sit down Ari,” Brian said.

Sighing Arianna sat down on the arm chair next to her.

“Remember the story I told you a couple of weeks ago?” Brian asked referring to the trip to the cemetery.

Nodding slowly Arianna let her eyes wander over to Dan. What did he have to do with it? Did her Uncle Jimmy have another kid before he died?

“Well, Dan was Max’s boyfriend,” Brian stated bluntly.

Biting his lip Dan nodded looking back at the young girl. Not a day went by that he didn’t think of his old lover. He had actually met another girl and they had a kid together but they hadn’t worked out and the girl moved back to Australia.

“That’s nice,” Arianna said picking at her fingernails.

Sighing Brian spoke softly between him and the new man. Nodding at what he was saying Dan agreed. Getting up he offered the young girl his hand. “Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”

Eyeing him Arianna looked over to her dad who nodded. Shrugging she grabbed his hand and let him lead the way.

Going through the back of the house Dan took off his shoes. “I don’t like getting sand in my shoes,” he explained. His voice was deep and he had a slight accent from somewhere. “Your dad tells me that you’ve found a love for drugs.”

Sighing Arianna just bit her tongue. What was she going to say? This guy lost his girlfriend to them, it’d be rude to just shrug it off.

“I’m not going to crucify you for it,” Dan said finding a spot for them to sit. He was glad there weren’t many people out today, he didn’t want to be recognized. “I just want you to know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I know what I’m getting myself into,” Arianna said staring out into the ocean. She craved a swim but she couldn’t. For one she didn’t have a suit, it was daytime she couldn’t just go nude, and Dan was here. Her dad probably told him the rules of her groundation.

“Do you?” he asked amused. “What is it then? Enlighten me.”

“A lot of fun for starters,” she laughed. “For seconds,” she paused unsure of where to go. “Good friends.”

“Oh it’s fun when you start, I won’t deny that,” Dan said not waiting to hear anymore. “But then it becomes an addiction. You’ll despise everyone who gets in the way of them. You’ll start depending on them. Good friends? Now that’s a laugh. Good friends don’t give you drugs.”

“What would you know,” she spat getting ready to get up. “You didn’t do them!”

Shaking his head Dan grabbed her arm. “I did. After Max died I got so lost. I didn’t know what to do. My band mates didn’t understand why I was so upset. I turned to drugs, to her love.” Pulling up the sleeve of his jacket he showed her his track marks. “You don’t want these type of scars Arianna.”

Looking down at the marks she cautiously stuck her hand out to feel them.

He watched as she did so. He looked into her eyes and was a bit afraid of what he saw. The curiosity and the fear, but the want to try it was so prominent he started regretting showing her.

Taking his arm back he caught her gaze. “Why are you even doing them? What about your life is so bad?”

“Nothing about my life is bad, well now it is because Dad has me doing all these chores and banning my favorite foods and friends,” Arianna explained, “but I like how it makes me feel; like I’m on top of the world.”

“And you think doing drugs is the only way to feel like that?” She nodded. “Have you ever watched your dad perform? Have you ever actually looked at how happy it made him? You need to find a new vice Max.”

Widening her eyes Arianna ripped herself away from him and got up running. Realizing what he said he could shoot himself. He couldn’t believe he called her that.

“Arianna,” he shouted after her. He was glad he quit smoking a few years ago or else he’d have been dead. “Stop. I’m sorry. I,” he paused watching as she started to slow. “Let me explain!”

Turning to stare at him Arianna looked back down at her friend and accepted the pill and water bottle. “You’ll be flying in no time.”

Downing it as Dan approached she smirked. “Call me Max by mistake? Fuck you. I’m not her, I’ll never be like her.”

Bowing his head he took a deep breath. “Ari, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. You aren’t her. Just, what you said, it reminded me of things that she would say.” Staring at the bottle in her hand and the guy on the ground his eyes widened. “You didn’t.”

“I did,” she laughed. “And there’s nothing you can do about it. Go fuck yourself Dan, better yet, go fuck my dad.”



Walking through the door Arianna laughed loudly. After she ran from Dan for the second time she got some more pills from another friend. They’d been getting high all afternoon.

“Where the fuck have you been Arianna?” Brian shouted coming into the entrance way. “Are you fucking high?”

“Hello to you too Satan,” Arianna laughed. He was so red. “Where’s your tail?”

“Living room, now,” Brian demanded pointing the way.

Walking into the room Arianna spotted her uncles and Dan Love. “Oh did you have a good fuck? I forgot to tell you to use a condom,” she laughed plopping herself on to a chair. “Oh my god,” she said suddenly, “did you guys see that fucking cow?”

“What’d you take?” Matt asked casually.

“Uh,” she paused and raked her thoughts. “Pretty colors!”

Sighing Matt turned to the rest of the guys and Dan. Punishment was only making it worse. Maybe they should bring the girls home, they might be able to help her. But the things she’d say.

“Arianna,” Zacky spoke coming towards her. “Would you like something to eat?”

Glancing up to her uncle she just smiled and shook her head.

“Turn out your pockets,” Brian said done with the laid back attitude everyone else was sporting. Not only was she grounded, but she ran off from Dan and got high, and from what he could understand it was more than just pot.

“Why Daddy, you think I’ve got drugs on me?” she asked laughing. Taking off her pants she threw them at him. “Check yourself. I’m not stupid.”

Singing a soft tune Arianna made eye contact with Dan and she started laughing. He looked so down. He needed to do some drugs again, then he’d be happy.