I Remember

Niall rolled over in his sleep, mumbling incoherently to the empty room. His mind was reeling as he began to spiral into the darkness, beginning the nightmare that had plagued him these last few nights.

He stood alone in a dark room, his breath coming out shakily and causing the air around him to startle. He squinted his eyes as he saw Harry, Louis, and Zayn come into view in the distance. They just stared right through him, and when he tried to flag them down, they started to dissolve into the pitch black atmosphere. Niall jumped and spun around when he felt a firm hand grasp his shoulder tightly.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was just Liam, but he instantly tensed again when he saw the look on Liam’s face. It was a look of disgust and hate, and his hand started to clamp down on Niall’s shoulder to the point where it was causing him pain. Niall started to protest, but Liam promptly backed away without warning into the abyss.

Niall spun in circles, looking for the brown haired boy. He paused and listened as Liam’s voice began flooding his hearing. His blood chilled as Liam repeated things that he had said in the first nightmare.

"You're worthless. No one really cares. You'll never be good enough. I wish you would just stop trying to remember and leave us all alone." Niall fell to the ground, hurt and unable to breathe as the sobs racked his body. Just as he felt he was about to pass out, he woke up.

He was drenched in sweat, and the room was dark. He quickly found the light switch for the table lamp next to his head, and he flipped it on. The dim light was just enough to illuminate the bedside table, but nothing else. He looked over at the clock, seeing that it was 8 o’clock. He moved to get up, but noticed the note Liam had left on the table. He looked it over and started to reach for his phone, but then recalled the insanely realistic dream and second guessed himself; pulling away his hand.

Niall quickly got out of bed and moved over to the window, looking outside at the poorly lit streets and silhouettes of apartment buildings in the surrounding town. Feeling incredibly alone and scared, Niall sank down to the floor in the corner of the room farthest from the door. He drew his knees up to his chest and started to sob.

Feeling uncomfortable in his own skin, he raked his nails up and down his arms leaving white trails of pressure in their wake. His shaking fingertips quickly began to draw blood due to the poor condition of his nails, but he didn’t notice as he became caught up in trying to catch his breath. He stayed this way for a long while, defacing his arms and hyperventilating quietly into the dark room; unable to see anything beyond his tears.

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At around 9 o’clock, Liam returned to the room with a bag full of groceries. He carefully eased the door open and checked to see if Niall was awake. He could vaguely make out a shadow in the corner of the room, and he placed the groceries on a table before advancing towards the shaking form.

“N-Niall? Is that you?” Liam froze on the spot as he heard a choked sob escape from the blonde boy. Niall shrunk farther into the wall, pulling down his hoodie sleeves and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, almost crying out in pain from the headache that his crying and overthinking caused him. He took in a shaky breath to answer Liam, but couldn’t bring himself to do it as he choked out another sob, shoving his face into his knees and rocking back and forth.

Liam slowly approached Niall’s shaking form and crouched down in front of him, reaching out a shaking hand and hesitating, but then placing it on Niall’s knee. His voice shook from the fright of a possible outburst and the panic that he felt rising. “N-Niall, shhh. I-I’m right here. You’re okay.”

Niall, being delusional from a lack of sleep and intense crying, cringed back from the contact, unable to tell at this point whether or not his dream was actually a reality. He looked up with a deer-in-the-headlights expression and made a small sound in the back of his throat resembling that of a hurt animal, afraid that Liam may act the same as the Liam in his nightmares.

Liam quickly recoiled and slowly backed away. “Niall, I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Niall’s blue eyes widened and he continued to look absolutely terrified, his expression tearing right through Liam. Liam’s hand quickly shot to his mouth, and he felt as if he was going to be sick. He stumbled backwards, rushing towards the door. He tripped over his own feet and ran into the dresser, knocking a picture of Niall and Liam onto the floor. The photo slid towards Niall, stopping within a few feet of him. Liam didn’t notice and regained his balance, running to the bathroom down the hall and barely making it into the first stall before he cleared the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl.

After he had finished, he rinsed his mouth out and then clumsily made his way out into the hallway. He crashed right into a doctor, who noted his puffy eyes and drained complexion.

“It’s Niall, isn’t it?” The doctor questioned.

All Liam could do was uneasily nod his head. The doctor lead him to a conference room and told him to wait while they sorted the situation out.

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Niall sat in the corner of the room, staring down at the picture in front of his feet. It was a picture of him and Liam, sitting on a couch in their flat. One of his legs was resting on top of Liam’s, a beaming smile on both of their faces. He suddenly felt light headed and realized that he forgot to breathe. He took in a lung full of air and turned his head quickly to the door when a few of the doctors came walking in quietly.

Niall scrambled to his feet and quickly readjusted his sleeves, looking at the floor as he shoved his hands into his pockets. One of the doctors flipped on the overhead lights and sighed as he took in Niall’s appearance. His hair was disheveled in the worst way, taking on a dull and lifeless look. His eyes were bloodshot, puffy, and glossed over. His cheeks were stained with tear-streaks, and his clothes were slightly off-center.

"Niall, please. Tell us what could possibly be bothering you to this extent." The doctor pleaded. Niall took a deep and shaky breath and quickly explained the nightmare he had, noticing when the doctor and one of his colleagues exchanged a knowing look.

"Would you gentlemen excuse us?" the doctor gestured to his other two associates. They obliged quickly and ducked out of the room. The doctor who remained in the room waved Niall over and took a seat on the bed, patting the spot next to him. Niall sat down and looked at his hands, playing with the ends of his hoodie sleeves.

"This is the second time you've had that dream, Niall. It's not uncommon for a case such as yours to have these nightmares. It has happened before. However I do have to say that it seems to be having a lasting effect on you."

Niall simply nodded his head and sniffled as the doctor patted his back comfortingly. "I think you need to speak to Liam about this, he's quite distressed by your reaction to him..."

Niall looked up at the doctor and realized he was right, nodding his head and gulping down more tears. He wiped away the tears that managed to escape down his eyelashes and stared at the wall, playing with his oversized hoodie sleeves once again.

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Liam had been pacing the floor in the conference room for god knows how long, just trying to figure out this entire situation, when the doctor walked in. "I think Niall has something he wants to talk to you about.”

Liam gave the doctor a confused look. He stopped pacing and just stood there blankly, so he explained further. "Niall and you need to talk, so we're bringing you both into another room so that we can monitor your conversation from the next room over and step in... if necessary."

“O-Okay then... I guess if he's ready...” Liam nervously followed the doctor down the hallway. He felt extremely on edge, especially when the people in the hallway just stared at him as they walked by. When they reached the door, the doctor turned to Liam and told him that they would be in the next room watching everything on monitors, just in case, and motioned for him to enter.

Liam cautiously entered the room, not sure what to expect. The room was empty, so he headed right in, carefully closing the door behind him. He walked around for a while, examining the room from floor to ceiling. It looked exactly like a therapist's office... minus the desk and sharp objects. While Liam waited for Niall to show up, he shuffled along the far wall, looking out the window and whistling “More Than This.”