Come Home

The first week he's gone she leaves the door to the apartment unlocked. She lets herself believe that he's going to come back, that it'll just be like he was hanging out with Jay and came home a little later than usual. Just like the night before the shooting happened. Just like normal.

In the back of her mind she knows she's setting herself up for disappointment. Her new cuts tell her that, but she refuses to admit it, she can't just give up on him. Not yet.

She locks the door again Sunday night. He always came home by five on Sundays to spend the rest of the time they had before school together with her. It was something he always did no matter what. Always.

She tells herself he's just not ready yet. Which is probably true, but what is it that he's not ready for?


The first six months he's gone she keeps forgetting he's not there. She'll go to say something to him or ask him something before she catches herself, tears burning in the back of her eyes. It hurts way more than she cares to admit.

He's not coming home anytime soon. In the meantime she gets a job so she can pay the rent and eat. He wouldn't want her to starve or for her to have to go back with her mom of course, and she's sure he'd like the apartment to still be there when he is ready to come back.

He's going to call her eventually, when he's ready to come home. He really will.


It's almost been a year when she finally admits that he's really not coming back. It makes her physically sick to admit it. She never does tell her friends that she's come to this conclusion, but she's sure they already knew, before she did even. They were just trying to save her from having more pain in her life before she was ready. They'll never know that it made her pain more amplified than it should have been. She'll never tell them that. It's not something they need to know. They were just trying to help.

She packs up her things and moves back in with her mom. She went to rehab so she should be ok right? She knows she'll find out soon enough either way, she needs to save her money instead of spending it all on food and rent anyways. After all, if she doesn't have money for college she'll never get out of this place with all these bad memories.

A week later Sean comes back. She tells him she's moved on. It's a lie. She just doesn't want to go through this again. It's the right thing to do. It has to be.


She's been in college now for a couple of months, she still misses Sean, but that's her fault. She's the one that told him she had moved on. She's the one that didn't give him another chance. She's the one that pushed him towards Emma.

She's slipped a time or two and cut, she admits it, but she's going to be ok. She doesn't need Sean to be ok, and she definitely does not need him to stop cutting. She doesn't need him to be happy either. She's going to be just fine without him.

Right?