Secretly

When Andrew had asked Julie out for drinks a week ago, she was hesitant. She’d just been dumped, and men weren’t her favorite right now. But then she saw all those pictures of Patrick with redheads and brunettes all over him and she felt like being a little insensitive herself. Plus, it wasn’t like drinks would lead to anything more.

Except they did, and Julie realized what she’d been missing all this time. She’d been so wrapped up in all the love mumbo jumbo that she forgot what it was like to let loose and just go with the flow.

Fine, that was a lie. She didn’t forget; she never knew. But after a week of being with Andrew, she was starting to understand Patrick’s obsession with hooking up before being committed to someone. That first night with Andrew might have been her being stupid, but after that? That was just her having a little fun for once.

It didn’t make the break-up okay. She still held her same values. They were just different. And Andrew made the break-up easier. He was so classically handsome, all tall and dark and chiseled. And he was a lawyer, not an athlete.

Now, Julie put a hand gently on Jon’s chest, keeping him back. He looked like he was about to pounce. And was that growling?

Quickly, Julie turned to Andrew. “Be back in a sec!” She called over her shoulder, before giving Jon a little push backwards. She grabbed her keys and followed him outside, shutting the door behind her.

She crossed the hallway and unlocked 90A, hoping Patrick wasn’t home.

“You have keys to Kaner’s place?” Jon asked, bewildered, following her into the empty apartment. He was probably trying to remember the last girl who had had keys to Patrick’s place, and failing to name anyone.

Except maybe Patrick’s mom.

“I water his plants when he’s away,” Julie said, setting the keys down on the table by the door.

“Really?” Jon asked skeptically.

Julie rolled her eyes, taking a seat on the sofa as Jon sat down next to her, but far enough so they weren’t touching. She pulled her legs up and folded them carefully. Jon looked down suspiciously, confirming that he was aware of her no underwear situation.

“No, but we did date, and I always forgot stuff here.”

There was a moment of silence in which neither of them said anything.

“Are you hungry?” Julie asked suddenly, jumping up to her feet.

This is so awkward, she thought desperately. God. Why didn’t I just throw on some pants?

She rushed into the kitchen, self conscious, feeling his eyes on her. She glanced back and saw that he had followed her, taking a seat at the dining table. She surveyed Patrick’s kitchen, trying to salvage any ingredients she could use to make breakfast.

Flour, lots of it (probably from when he attempted to make her cookies), eggs, milk, and juice.

Doable, she thought.

“So what brings you these parts?” She chirped brightly, conversationally.

She could sense Jon stiffening. “I was making sure you were okay. But it’s pretty obvious you are.”

Julie set about making pancakes, trying to measure out the flour with only a mug since her ex didn’t own any measuring cups.

“What are you doing, Jules?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“Making breakfast,” she answered, even though she knew that wasn’t the response he was looking for. Jon confirmed this when he sighed, exasperated. Julie kept her back turned to him, hyperaware of his gaze on her. She was afraid to make eye contact. She knew that he knew what she’d been up to, and even though it shouldn’t have mattered to her, she cared about he thought of her.

It was stupid, but she didn’t want Jon judging her.

“What are you doing with that guy back in your apartment?” he clarified. Julie forced a laugh, cracking some eggs into a bowl as she stalled for time.

“Jon,” she said with more confidence than she felt. “I think you know perfectly well what we were doing.” Even though she couldn’t see him, she knew he was rolling his eyes. That, or he was about to break something.

“But who is he? Do you even know the guy or did you just pick up him up somewhere?” Well, that was just mean. Julie stopped in the middle of mixing up the batter.

“For your information,” she said slowly, fighting to keep her tone even, “Andrew is a really nice guy.”

“Now he has a name?” Jon asked sarcastically, sounding angry even though Julie didn’t see a reason for him to be. She heard a scrape as Jon got to his feet. He definitely wanted to break something. Julie couldn’t take it anymore. She threw the spatula in the sink with a loud clatter and turned around to face him, dropping all pretense of making breakfast.

She wanted to be ready for whatever ridiculous thing was going to come out of his mouth next. And she wanted to say this next thing to his face.

“He’s always had a name!” Julie exploded. “He’s a great guy! We get along great! We have a lot in common, not that this is any of your business. Now I’d really appreciate it if you skipped this little Spanish Inquisition of yours and tell me how you REALLY feel.”

She was lying, of course. The last thing she needed right now was Jon to lecture her about sleeping around to get over her being dumped by his best friend. Thanks, but no thanks.

Jon crossed the large kitchen to stand right in front of Julie, as if he was afraid she might try to run away. It’d crossed her mind, but she decided it was better to let him say what he wanted to say now. Just get it over with.

“Julie, I know things have been rough for you,” he started.

Here we go, Julie thought, keeping her face passive. “But sleeping around with whatever guy happens to fall into bed with you is--”

Sleeping around with whatever guy that falls into bed with her?!

Julie gasped, taking a step away from Jon. Except there was nowhere to step, and she just bumped into the counter. She stumbled, and Jon reached out, wrapping an arm protectively around her, steadying her.

“I am NOT sleeping around!” she said indignantly, looking up into those stubborn brown eyes. They were tinged with concern, and looked a little pained. “We’re starting something, something good, and you have NO right--”

“Jules,” Jon said with a bitter laugh. “Admit it. You’re just fucking him.”

Julie’s eyes widen in horror at his words. How DARE he? To come here and accuse her of such things? It was partially true, sure. But Andrew WAS a great guy. And they were getting along fantastically. He was smart, and witty, and funny, and best of all, he was a regular old lawyer, not some famous, goofy, womanizing hockey player.

Plus, if things didn’t work out, it’s not like she had to live next to the guy. Just avoid him at work.

“You take that back!” Julie said, in what she hoped was an intimidating tone. She poked a finger at his chest, to help make her point. Jon just raised his eyebrows, obviously unimpressed with her attempt at appearing threatening.

“You know I’m right,” he smirked.

Another poke to the chest, followed by a slap. “Jon, take it back.” She was seriously getting annoyed now. How could be so frustrating and good looking at the same time? She was finding it hard to breathe.

It’s because she was mad, and had nothing to do with his close proximity.

“Fine,” she conceded, her voice small. “So what if I am? But have you seen his pictures? And it’s not like what I’m doing is such a crime.” She didn’t need to say whose pictures; Jon knew it was Patrick.

“I know, Jules,” he said sympathetically, all laughter gone now. “And this might work for some people, but it isn’t you.” He looked directly into her eyes, and she felt like he was staring right into her soul. The truth in his words was so bright and obvious, she wanted to blink and look away. But she couldn’t tear her gaze away for the life of her.

“And you have a better solution?” She asked sarcastically. It was a weak attempt at ignoring the affect his body had on hers, just from being so close.

Jon’s eyes blazed with a fiery anger that Julie knew was directed towards her. She was sure he was going to punch something, he looked so mad. She’d turned around, bracing herself for whatever words Jon wanted to throw at her. She was expecting a turned over chair or table, but nothing, though, could have prepared her for what he actually did.

The arm around her tightened, pulling her close, and his lips crushed hers. It was violent and passionate and sweet and gentle all at the same time.

For a half a second, she didn’t know what to do. She was thinking about all the times they had almost kissed, but didn’t, and regretting that, because he had really soft lips that seemed like they were specifically molded just to fit hers. His hand on the small of her back felt strong and warm, and she felt safe and secure.

She was also thinking about Andrew, not because she missed him or anything, but because he was probably still in her apartment, wondering why she was gone so long. Which also meant she couldn’t bring Jon back there if this kiss was any indication of where things were headed.

She thought about all this in the first half second, worried that she was doing something wrong. But then something amazing happened.

Her brain told her to shut, and she stopped thinking.

After that, she kissed him back.