I Made You up to Hurt Myself

Sean and I soon became good friends, and from good friends we became best friends, and from best friends we... well... let's just say we're kind of together...

After a while, he sort of just moved into my room with me. It wasn't planned, but after the amount of time he ended up falling asleep there anyway, and the fact that no one seemed to mind it, he became my new lodger. I didn't mind one bit, of course. I mean, I'm hardly going to object to seeing that beautiful face every morning when I wake up, am I? And then there were other perks too... Oh, God, shut up, Ian, no one wants to hear about you fucking someone in the nuthouse. I should be ashamed of myself for even thinking about that.

He even made the group therapy a little more tolerable. I know, I know. Group therapy. It sucks major ballsack, but like I said, I do have a bit of a distraction to ease the pain. I sound pretty emo, don't I? Oh, look, Ian's asking himself questions again. Fuck you, brain, I'm trying to tell a story here, stop contradicting me. And just like that I'm talking to myself again... I think this place really is having an effect on me now.

Sean tended to just sit in the corner, reading Kerrang! or something while I was stuck listening to the other lot go on and on about their feelings and shit. I don't mean to be rude, but I really couldn't care less about their feelings. That did sound pretty rude, didn't it? Ah well. Sean liked distracting me from their vexatious ramblings by mouthing things across the room to me, or ripping the posters out and hiding his face behind them. It was very entertaining, and when faced with the rest of these bores, it was quite literally a godsend. He didn't even care that he was in plain view of everyone else. He really could be a bit of a stupid dickhead at times. Actually, I'm yet to meet a clever dickhead. Ha, can you imagine that? A dick that could do sums? I wish my dick could do sums, maybe I wouldn't have done so bad at algebra in school... Am I really talking about dicks doing sums? Something is really wrong here.

It was the little things like that, though, that had the power to brighten up my day completely. He's the cutest thing, and I'm still dumbfounded as to what he sees in me. He's cute, and smart, and funny, and he can make me smile without saying anything, whereas I'm nothing interesting. Emo kid with a fringe that should probably be attacked with some scissors before it reached the floor, and about as funny as the nearest door knob. Actually, door knobs are pretty funny. Hehe knobs. Okay, enough. Either way Sean really shouldn't look twice at me. He's perfect, and I'm the polar opposite.

What if he's only with me because everyone else has lost their marbles? That's it, isn't it? Everyone else is too crazy for him, so he's been forced to lower his standards. Oh God. It's so obvious. If the others were sane, then I daresay he'd be after Aled , or Shay, or Rhys. One of the cute ones. Or even Stuart, or Jamie, or Gavin, or anyone! Anyone but me. I can't believe I was so stupid as to think he actually liked me. That'll be why we get the nurses looking at us sympathetically too. They feel bad for me, being so oblivious to this. Oh, Ian, you really are an idiot.

***

I pressed my forehead against Sean's. We were both sitting in my - our - room, bored out of our minds. Well, Sean was bored, I was thinking.

"Sean?" I asked, tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I... I was wondering..." I began, trailing off awkwardly.

Sean sat up fully, raising an eyebrow at me. "What's you been thinking?" he asked, yawning a little as he did. Aw, he's adorable.

"A-are you only dating..." was dating even the right word? Were we dating? "me because I'm the only one here that isn't completely cuckoo?"

His face immediately twisted into a scowl, and for a moment, he looked hurt.

"Of course I'm not!" he yelled, making me flinch. I'd never seen him angry before, and it frightened me.

"I-I'm sorry. It's just... Why me? There's nothing special about me," I mumbled, slightly embarrassed.

"What are you talking about?" Sean frowned. "You're perfect, okay? So don't ever go thinking otherwise."

"Okay," I agreed, smiling as he planted a small kiss on the tip of my nose.

This was perfect.