I Made You up to Hurt Myself

The months passed by as if they were mere days, and soon Christmas was upon us. I was shocked at how long I'd been imprisoned here, and how I'd actually grown accustomed to living here. I no longer felt deprived of sleep when I was woken at eight. I'd become more relaxed around the others, and I'd gotten closer to Aled. I may have written he and his boyfriend off as a pair of nervous wrecks, but I was surprised to find myself now regarding them as my friends. Of course, they could never take Sean's place, but they were a lot more fun to be around than I first expected. I'd even stopped being homesick for the most part. It was strange, but I was beginning to consider this place home.

For a bonding activity (ooh, sexual.. No, it's too early for this shit), and to get us into the festive spirit, they'd decided on the most cliché thing ever. Can you guess what it is? No? You'll laugh when I tell you. They sat down and agreed that the best way for us to spread the love on our first Christmas together - well, my first Christmas with them. The likes of Aled had been there for years, and I'd heard Stuart had been stuck here since age eight - was Secret Santa. They got us all together, one snowy morning, and announced that we were all being assigned one person, and that we had to get them a gift. We had the option of either making one from scratch, or buying one on our Christmas outing. As much as I complain about living here, the Christmas outing really did sound fun, and I'm hopeless with these artsy things, so it was clear which one I was going to choose.

Even though Sean didn't partake in the group activities, I was rather hoping he'd join in, just this once. We were only given a certain amount of money, so if I never got him for this Secret Santa thing, I wouldn't be able to buy him anything at all, and I really wanted to get him something. It was our first Christmas together, after all.

He didn't, though, and I was left to buy for some kid called Jimmy who I'd never spoken to before. He seemed rather eccentric, though, from what I saw of him. Maybe I'll ask Aled later. He seems to know everyone round here. I'd ask Sean, but I'm officially not speaking to him now. Dickhead. Although, we all know I'm going to break that soon enough. A week's my guess, but chances are, I'm not going to last a day.

***

So here I was, stood outside a shopping centre, while the snow came down in a flurry. I was with Sean, naturally, but the orderly that was chosen to 'watch over' us had fucked off for some last minute shopping, so we were left more or less to our own devices.

I was intimidated by all these shops, and all these people, if I'm honest, which was funny because only a few months ago, going to places like these were normal procedure. Now, I'm rendered speechless when someone so much as asks me if I'm okay, standing out in the cold. It's funny how easily you can get adapt to different lifestyles, isn't it? I eventually agreed to go inside, because as Sean so kindly pointed out - not stating the obvious at all - it was freezing. He did have a point, though.

Inside, it was a lot warmer, which I was thankful for. There were also just about a million shops (maybe that's a slight exaggeration... Nine hundred thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine, perhaps), which left me in a bit of a dilemma. Which one do I go to first? Which would have something suitable for a Christmas gift? Ugh, I'm hopeless with this.

The amount of people here was unbelievable, it wasn't even funny. They were everywhere. And they were all bustling about, whizzing off to different places, as if the world would end if whatever they wanted had sold out by the time they got there. I hoped it wouldn't. That wouldn't be a very nice Christmas gift, would it? 'Hey, it's Christmas, guess what I got you? Armageddon!' No, that wouldn't be fun at all.

Each shop sold a vastly different range of items to the next. One moment we were looking at Christmas trees, the next women's lingerie. I wouldn't advise going in there, by the way. I was beginning to think we weren't going to find anything, and was ready to abandon all hope, when we came across a fancy dress shop. You know one of those where you find all sorts of crazy superhero outfits, or vampire costumes, or brightly coloured wigs for parties? That's exactly what we were faced with. From what I'd heard, listening in on a couple of Aled's conversations, this Jimmy fella was quite fond of Halloween. Or any excuse to dress up and mess around with some facepaints, really.

It was everything you'd expect it to be inside, fitting in with every potrayal of them in every cartoon ever. Have I said ever enough yet?

It didn't take long to find something I figured would be suitable enough. I'd never properly met him, so I couldn't really tell, but I thought it looked okay, so might as well, eh? It was a wizard costume, complete with fake beard and everything. It didn't cost too much either. I'm just hoping he likes it.