I Made You up to Hurt Myself

I woke up early the next day. It was odd; I never wake up early. I had no idea what time it was, but I soon concluded that it definitely wasn't eight yet. I'd have my ears shattered with those pots and pans by now if it was. So it certainly wasn't eight yet.

I raised my head slightly, wanting to just drop it again and go back to sleep. I couldn't, though, I can never fall asleep again. Once I've woken up, that's me for the rest of the day.
There was a dim light coming from the window. If it was light already, then it had to be at least four or five. Possibly even six. I don't even care, it's early, and that's all that concerns me right now.

I rolled over, stretching out, before noticing that the arms that were wound tightly around my waist last night were absent. I snapped my head up quickly. It was unlike Sean to be awake at this hour, but he was nowhere in sight. My paranoia returned immediately. Where was he? Was he at the bathroom? Was he still sick? Oh, God, he died, didn't he? No, wait, shut up, Ian, of course he didn't die. This is the reason people think you're stupid.

I waited for a moment or two, hoping he'd come bounding through the door, and slip back into the bed, cudding up to me again. He didn't, much to my dismay, and it set my paranoia into overdrive. I get paranoid over such little things, but I can't help it. I'm always worrying about something, or coming up with 'what if's in my head. I can't just get on with things like a normal person. Ugh, what is wrong with me? I need to get a grip. I woke up one morning and my boyfriend wasn't there. Big deal. I shouldn't be getting so worked up over this.

At last, I told myself to stop being such a clingy little git and get up. Wherever Sean was, he knew how to look after himself, and I don't think there's really much harm in walking around here in the morning. The most that could happen would be him getting caught by one of the nurses, and they usually weren't up and about until six. He'd be fine. I, on the other hand, needed to get dressed if I planned on finding him anytime soon. I'm not a huge fan of walking around in my pyjamas. I have fallen asleep in my clothes before. I woke up so disorientated. That's irrelevant, though.

I didn't take long to get dressed. You can't really take long when you've only got two items of clothing to put on. Rather than sit about in the room until someone forced me to shift myself and do something productive, I got up and made my way to the lounge. Aled was already sat on one of the sofas, reading through Sean's Kerrang!. He almost had a heart attack when I walked in, before realising who it was and calming down slightly. I probably should've alerted him of my presence somehow beforehand instead of just flopping down beside him, but shh, my brain doesn't work very well in the morning.

"Oh, h-hi, I-Ian," he smiled weakly at me.

"Up early, aren't we?" I asked, smirking. Oh, God, he probably thinks I'm making fun of him. Damn me and my cocky self.

"Y-yeah," he laughed, closing the magazine, and placing it on the arm of the couch. "You are, too, though, so you can't be a h-hypocrite."

"True," I agreed, nodding. "Shay still sleeping then?"

He grinned at me, and nodded, too, "T-this is Shay we're talking about, of c-course he's s-sleeping. That b-boy could sleep through an e-earthquake."

I chuckled. Not so long ago, I'd be intimidated by Aled's banter, but I was used to it by now. I don't know how I actually lived without him before. That didn't sound so gay in my head, I swear.

I stopped worrying about Sean. If he didn't want to show himself right now, it was his choice. I shouldn't constantly live on tenterhooks. He needed a little freedom too.