Let's Take Over the World

The first proper Brusnop moment, in honor of Run Free which I have listened to 63 times since I downloaded it six hours ago, as according to my iTunes. Yes, I stole some of the lyrics for the chapter. No, I do not own them.

Chapter 6

Ben's POV

As I left, Emma grabbed my arm. “Don't worry,” she said, “I won't tell anyone about your little...moment.” she laughed and winked. I nodded and left. She closed the door behind me and went downstairs.
What the fuck am I thinking? I pondered in the shower. I wasn't gay, I knew that perfectly well, but why did I feel so...so...happy when I looked at him. When I'd stared into his eyes, those beautiful blues, it had felt so right. I got in the shower, turned it on, and tried to forget all about it.
When I was done, I was glad to see that Danny was gone from our room. I got dressed and went downstairs. As I walked into the kitchen, both he and Emma looked up. Danny looked down straight away, whereas Emma just gave me a knowing smile and a wink. I sat as far away from him as I could. Cameron looked between us suspiciously before shrugging and going back to his food.
I avoided him for the rest of the day. I went back upstairs and played on my guitar for a while, but I couldn't stand it for long, knowing he was only downstairs, so I went for a smoke and a walk.
I'd been walking for maybe an hour when I bumped into James.
“Hey, man, how's it going?” he said.
“It's going alright. I mean, you'd expect it to be worse with that god-awful hangover from yesterday, but no. It passed pretty quick.”
“I know. Yesterday really was hell. So,” he began. “when are you and Danny going back?”
“Um...Sunday, I think. But I kinda wanted to talk to everyone about that.”
“What you mean?” we started walking again and I offered him a cigarette, which he accepted. I handed him my lighter as I lit one for myself.
“Well, I was thinking that maybe the three of you could come back with us. I mean, it's a tiny flat, but I'm sure we could all manage. You know, three to a bed,” I nudged him playfully. “a bit of bum fun at nighttimes.”
“Sure. It'd be easier to get ourselves sorted, I guess. But...how are we going to get everything down there...and where are we gonna keep it all?”
“Well, I guess we'll rent a garage and use it as rehearsal space.” James raised his eyebrows at me. “Well, my parents will rent a garage and we'll use it as rehearsal space.”
“Sounds more like it.” we laughed. We carried on walking and talking for about another hour and James had to be home. He said he'd talk to Sam about us all going to Nottingham together, since they only lived around the corner from each other. I texted him anyways just to be sure he got the message.
Sounds good :), the reply came quickly.
Awesome. We're leaving on Sunday, I sent back.
I'll be there. ;)
I checked the time. It was nearly eight o'clock. I started walking back and then realised I hadn't been paying attention to were I was. I wondered around for a short time before I found a place I recognised: the pub. Just one drink couldn't hurt, I thought. In fact, it could help me forget about this whole thing with Danny, I decided.
I turned off my phone, went inside and ordered a large glass of Jack. I wanted to shut myself off from the world completely. The bartender brought it over to me and I paid. I sat alone, making my way through the whiskey, getting a new one now and then. I was about halfway through my third glass when a girl walked over to me. I didn't even look at her.
“Are you alright?” I recognised the voice. I looked up at Emma.
“No.” she sat at the stool beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.
“I guessed you'd be here. It's not everyday you realise you're in love with your best friend. It's gotta be hard--”
“Woah, woah, woah!” I cut her off. “'in love with your best friend'? I'm not in love with Danny.”
“Really?” she raised her eyebrows at me. “I saw the way you looked at him earlier. I saw the way he looked after you as you left the room. You're in love with him, Ben. Even if you don't want to admit it. And he loves you too.”
“No. I'm not gay. I love him; he's my best friend, of course I do. But I'm not in love with him.”
“You know you're only kidding yourself.”
I stared into the glass. “I'm not. I can't be.” I whispered. A tear rolled down my cheek; I wiped it away quickly, but I know Emma saw it. “Dammit!” I nearly shouted. “Why does it all have to be so complicated?” I looked at her. She hugged me and kissed my cheek.
“Talk to him. Sort it out. He feels the same.”
“No, he doesn't.” I buried my face in her neck as more tears came. I clung onto her for dear life. “He can't; I mean, I don't even know how I feel right now.”
“He does. Trust me. I know.”
“How?” I asked. “I don't even know how I feel. How do you know?”
“Because I've been watching you both for nearly two weeks. I've seen the way you look at each other; I've seen the way you act. You love each other.”
“Why do you have to be right about everything?” I groaned into her shoulder, wiping my tears away. I sat up and looked at her eyes. She put her hands on my cheeks, forcing me to hold eye contact.
“Because I'm a woman. It's in the job description.” she said, making both of us smile. “Now sort yourself out, clean your face, do what you need to do and let's go home.” she stood and held out her hand for me to take. “You can stay with me tonight. Talk to him tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. She pulled a tissue from her bag and wiped away my tears with it.
On the walk back she held my hand and told me stories from when her and Cameron were younger, trying to raise my spirits. It worked; within no time at all she had me cracking up over stories about she used to dress up Cam as a girl and he'd always play along with her.
We went straight to her room when we got back and we sat up late watching horror films. After a while, we'd shifted in a way that my head was in her lap. She stroked and played with my hair for the rest of the night.
When it came to going to bed, I started to feel a little awkward. She was wearing a cami and shorts and I was just in my boxers.
“Come on, Ben. I don't mind. And anyway,” she winked, “it's not like you're gonna try anything, is it?”
“It doesn't make you any less fit or a girl, though.”
“Thank you...I think...now get into bed.”
“Fuck it.” I muttered, climbing into bed with her.
“See? It's not so hard, is it?” she teased.
“Fuck off.”
“'Night, Ben.”
“Night.”

The next morning, I woke early. It must've looked like I was doing the walk of shame. I walked from Emma's room in just my jeans and hoodie, carrying my Chucks and my t-shirt in my hands. I walked as quietly as I could, but just as I was leaving, Mrs Liddell walked out onto the landing. She raised her eyebrows and shot me a questioning look.
“Oh, no, no, it's not what it looks like.” I said.
“Oh, really?”
“Really. Seriously, I swear we didn't.”
“Okay. I believe you.” she said, not sounding like she believed me one bit.
I went to mine and Danny's room, tip-toeing around, not wanting to wake him up. I pulled on a clean t-shirt and changed my boxers and went down to get some breakfast. When I got down, I found that Emma had woken up, too and was eating a bowl of cheerios. The blinds hadn't been raised in the kitchen and there was no lights on, which left the room as dim as it would be at nine in the evening.
“No, mum, we didn't--” she hissed, interrupting herself as she noticed me in the room.
“Have a good night sleep, Ben?” Mrs Liddell asked.
“I sure did. Slept like a fuckin' baby.” I grinned at her. Her eyes narrowed slightly, but she didn't comment any further. Emma stifled a laugh. I winked. “Hey, babes, how are you this morning?” I asked, trying to wind her mum up. I sat beside her and kissed her cheek.
“I'm actually quite tired. It's a shame I didn't really sleep much.”
“Must've been all that fucking we were up to last night.” she rolled her eyes.
“Yup. That must be it. Now, if you'll excuse me,” she stood and put her empty cereal bowl in the dishwasher, “I'm going for a shower. Alone.” the last part was aimed at her mother, with a pointed look.
I helped myself to some breakfast and Mrs Liddell watched me for a moment, before hopefully deciding, at last, that I wasn't sleeping with her daughter and stalking out of the kitchen, leaving me alone. I made my way through the huge bowlful slowly and after about ten minutes, Danny showed up. He got a drink of milk and sat opposite me.
We didn't talk for a few minutes, just readjusted to being around each other.
“Where were you last night?” he finally asked, as I was finishing my cereal.
“I stayed in Emma's room.” I met his eyes for half a second. “I didn't want things to be awkward...so...” I trailed off. I stood and put my dirty bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and left the room.
“Ben...” I froze in the doorway. I heard him stand up behind me and turned to face him. “About yesterday...you know...” he made a gesture, not wanting to say the words.
“I know.”
“Can we just forget about it?”
“I wish I could.” I muttered to myself.
“What do you mean?” he stood nearer to me and closed the door.
“I don't know what I mean.” I tried to leave but he blocked my way. I thought about what Emma had told me last night: I had to tell him. There was no way out now.
“Ben.” something inside me snapped when he said my name. I moved so that I was no longer facing him. I banged my head against the wall, my hands linked behind my neck, behind the tattoo of my ex-girlfriend, reminding me again that this was totally wrong.
“I can't just stop thinking about it, Danny.” I growled. “I felt something...something I don't understand...something I can't understand...and I can't fucking work it out.” he was silent. I felt him touch my arm. I jerked away from him.
He put both hands on my face and brought it down to his height, my forehead nearly resting against his. “I know.” he whispered. I felt his breath against my lips and I shuddered, moving closer to him. “I know how you feel.” the tears started rolling down my cheek again, and I held onto his loose-fitting t-shirt as though it was my only source of life.
“You can't.”
“I don't understand it either, but we need to work it out.” I met his gaze and saw that his were tear-filled too.
We gradually inched closer until our lips grazed against each others. It felt as though an electric current passed through my body the moment our lips touched. “You don't have to be afraid.” he whispered. I let my guard fall down. Tears started to fall freely down my face as I kissed him. We moved instinctively so that Danny's back was pressed to the wall, my hands knitted in his hair and his in mine. He kissed me back instantly, hungrily. It was almost as though it was all we could do to stay alive. We needed it. It was perfect.
Until the door opened. We sprung apart immediately. Emma walked in, her hair wet, and I had never been so thankful for anything in my life. I may have finally given into it, but that didn't mean I wanted the whole world to see. I wiped my face quickly and she looked between us with a knowing gaze. Danny's face flushed. She grinned at me and I stalked up the stairs. I sat on mine and Danny's bed.
What the fuck did I just do?

Danny's POV

I slid to the floor and leaned my head in my hands, wiping my face. Emma sat beside me.
“What the fuck am I doing, Emma?”
“The right thing. I've been watching the two of you for a week and a half now and it's obvious that you love each other. You just needed a nudge in the right direction.” I looked up at her, confused. She smiled proudly.
“What do you mean?”
“I talked to Ben last night. I told him what I just told you. I told him you needed to talk. And you did. And it looks like it worked out alright for the both of you.”
“He won't want to see me anymore. I've fucked it up, like do with fucking everything else. I shouldn't have said anything and we'd have gone back to normal, but no. I had to start with him.” I felt my eyes well up again and Em pulled me to her. “How the fuck did this happen?” I asked after a long moment of silence.
“What?”
“Yesterday I was trying to get you into bed, and now, here I am, crying to you about how my best friend doesn't love me.” I chuckled sadly.
“He does love you, he just doesn't want to admit it to himself.” I didn't really believe her, neither did I want to, but I couldn't help but hope.
“He deserves better than me, anyway.” I whispered. “I'm just a kick in the teeth from a world painted in gold. I might as well just leave.”
“No. You're perfect for each other. Now, go upstairs and fix this.” she gave me a hard look as she could see that I was about to protest. I stood and walked to the guest room in Cam's parents house.

Ben's POV

I paced the room, trying to figure things through. I didn't know what was going on in my mind, not in the slightest at that point in time. All I knew was that I wanted it all to go back to how it was; before we'd come to Gilberdyke; before I'd started having these feelings towards my best friend, the only one who truly understood me.
The door opened.
“Hey,” he said. I could see fear glaze his eyes.
“I can't do this, Danny.” I almost broke down there and then. “It's just too much. I can't take it.” my voice began to quiver. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I met his eyes and saw his heart break.
He walked towards me and reached for me. I held up my hands and took a step away.
“I need to figure myself out first. I can't think about...this,” I gestured to the two of us, “until I've sorted my head out.” he nodded. He looked so heartbroken, so fragile, I couldn't help but lean into him. I kissed him one last time. It was urgent and needy and I pulled away before it could become anything more than that. “I'm sorry.” I whispered before I left.
I ran out of the house, not realising I had left my smokes in our room until I was most of the way down the road. I carried on going, not knowing where my feet had taken me until I was there. I was standing outside Danny's dealer's house, with a twenty pound note in my hand. I knocked on the door and got a huge bag. I shoved it in my pocket and went to the off licence. I bought the biggest bottle of hard liquor I could afford and a bag of tobacco. I found a quiet spot in the park and got drunk and stoned on my own.
Ironic, I thought to myself. I'm trying to forget everything, forget Danny, by doing exactly what he'll be doing right now.
Through the drug- and alcohol-filled haze, I could think of only one thing, and it was the only thing I was entirely sure of at that moment in time: I was in love with my best friend.