If Love Is The Answer, Could You Repeat The Question?

So it’s like this: It’s eight in the morning and you haven’t slept yet.

Finding those images was a lot harder than you anticipated and at one point you thought about just giving up but the tiny silver ring that you could see sitting on his pillow from your bunk kept you going.

You had almost squealed in delight when you found the original image at nearly four in the morning. It had taken much longer to find the original one they used of you, which ironically was a picture of you and him kissing that a fan took at one of the shows.

You saved the images onto your laptop after doing a little more snooping around in the tags of Tumblr, although you really wished you hadn’t. If you had any self-esteem left from last night you sure as hell didn’t have any after reading what some of the fans had to say about you and a clear reminder why you avoided social networking sites. You didn’t even want to think what it would be like if you had any kind of open window for them to attack you at any time.

You crawl out of the bunk when you feel the bus stop and you can see the venue from the partially open window. You don’t bother to take off the sweats you changed into earlier that morning as you close your laptop and walk into the front lounge. You make coffee for the band to kill time; occasionally glancing out the window at the bus parked next to the one you’re currently on.

Finally you see movement and a few minutes later you can hear the trailer being opened to be unloaded. You wait a few more minutes before stepping off the band’s bus and walking quickly onto the crew’s bus. It’s nearly empty except for Vinny, whose loud snores you can hear from the bunk area. You move towards the table that has a small printer sitting on it. It would be easier to give him pictures instead of trying to make him concentrate on a laptop screen.

You hook your computer up to the printer and open it. It takes more time than you anticipated for the photos to print and you’re starting to worry about him coming back to the bus because he forgot something but as the last one prints he’s still nowhere to be found. You refrain from doing some sort of victory dance as you push the printer back into its place and leave the bus undetected.

You slip back to your bus and hide the pictures and your laptop in your bunk and grab a towel, deciding to take your sweet time to go out to help unload. You didn’t really think anyone expected you to be out there right away anyway.

After you shower put on surprisingly clean jeans and a green tank top. It had taken a while of searching through your bag to find something that wasn’t his. It seemed that you like to hoard his clothes, half of them still smelling like him, which brought tears to yours eyes. Yeah you have solid proof that you didn’t cheat on him, but what if that wasn’t enough? What if he finally realized that you weren’t enough for him and never would be?

You ignore the almost psychical pain in your chest as you apply makeup to cover up the heavy bags under your eyes from hours of crying and not sleeping all night. Everyone was probably expecting you to drag around in sweats with no makeup, and you really wanted to but you weren’t going to give him or anyone else the satisfaction of knowing how wrecked over this you really were. You could wear a mask perfectly and fake a smile for them but still you felt empty and hollow inside, like part of you was missing.

You finally step out of the bathroom, bleary eyed but trying not to let any slip and ruin your makeup and come face to face with Alex.

“Finally, I’ve been waiting for like ten minutes,” He grins but it fades when he sees the traces of tears and automatically pulls you into a hug. “M’sorry he’s an idiot.” He says quietly and you nod into his shoulder. You pull out of his hug, knowing that he still has to pee and go over to the counter to get a cup of coffee.

“Is there anything I can do?” Alex asks as he comes out of the bathroom.

“Not really,” You shake your head. “Well there is one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“If he comes on here for anything and you’re here, do you mind texting me and letting me know and maybe trying to keep him here?” You ask.

“Can I ask why?”

“I just have something I need to say to him but I know he won’t talk to me unless someone forces him and you’re the only one who will talk to me.” You explain quietly. Rian, Jack and Zack hadn’t gotten involved or just didn’t care enough to and it was pointless to ask them.

“Yeah of course I can do that. I wasn’t planning on leaving the bus anyway.” He nods.

“Lucky you,” You sigh, grabbing your phone from the counter. “Thanks though.”
You turn and leave the bus, slowly walking towards the venue, not wanting to face everyone’s harsh looks, especially his. You slowly open the door and it was like a repeat of yesterday as everyone looked up at you and their faces hardened instantly, but the glares were almost worse than before.

Apparently Vinny still wasn’t awake and you had the feeling that no one bothered to wake him up just so that you had to do it all on your own. You sigh quietly and start to unpack the display under the narrow watch of everyone around you.

After what seemed like an eternity you were finally done setting up the merch table and he hadn’t given you any more orders, so you assumed you were done for now. And actually, you hadn’t seen him since you came in, and maybe it was better that way even though you were longing to see him deep down.

You trudged back to the bus, hoping that maybe you could squeeze in a few hours of sleep before the show. You jump when you see Danny sitting on the couch next to Alex who looks slightly anxious while Danny looks annoyed.

“I was just about to text you,” He says as you enter the front lounge and tilts his head towards the bathroom. You nod, going to your bunk to grab the photos before leaning against the counter and waiting for him trying to prepare yourself for if this went wrong. No amount of preparation could prepare you for when he came out.

He looks as wrecked as you felt, with heavy bags and his eyes looks lifeless and dull. It took all your control not to run up to him and make that look go away. The second his eyes meet yours they go hard and he looks at Danny.

“Let’s go,” He mumbles but Alex stops im before he could take a step forward.

“No, sit.” Alex says and he tries to brush Alex’s grip off but Alex pushes him towards the booth, “Just fucking sit.”

Surprisingly he listens, but doesn’t look too pleased, shooting Alex a dirty look. “Okay, I sat. What the fuck do you want?”

He looks more uncomfortable than anything as you move to the table but still kept your distance. “I have something to say,” You say, your voice shaking slightly as he looks up at you with those cold brown eyes. You slowly slide the first picture towards him and he rolls his eyes.

“What’s this?” He asks, sounding almost amused.

“Your apparent proof that I cheated on you,” You state, “And this is my proof that it’s fake.”

“I don’t—”

“Shut up and listen to me for once.” You snap and he closes his mouth as you set down the next two pictures. “These are the two pictures used to create that one.”

It kinda blew your mind that two innocent photos on their own had been combined to destroy a relationship so easily. Before he could even say anything you put the last one down on the table in front of him. It was of the street sign in the background blown up so it was legible.

“And just in case you still don’t believe me I took the liberty of Googling that street also. The night this supposedly happened we were in Sussex, New Jersey and that street doesn’t even exist there. So there, I didn’t fucking cheat on you. Do you believe me now? Oh and fun fact on top of this all, the people who claimed to witness this also run a hate blog dedicated to me so thank you for believing them over me.”

There was an extended silence as your words sunk into him while he studied the images. You held your breath as he finally looked up at you, guilt flooding his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry,” He whispers.

“That’s all you have to say?” You raise your voice, suddenly angry at his lack of reaction. “After calling me a bitch, a whore and a liar, not believing me, yelling at me and completely shattering my heart in one day all you have to say is sorry?”

The silence grew tense and you didn’t care that Alex and Danny were still sitting there, watching this all unfold. Danny looked almost as guilty as he did.

“I don’t know what else you want me to say,” He says quietly and you shake your head. This was definitely not how you were expecting this to go and there was no way you were going to stand there and listen to his half ass apology. You turn on your heel and leave the bus, walking in a random direction, not caring where you went as long as you got away.

You didn’t get far before you heard footsteps behind you and someone grab your elbow and spin you around. You meet dark eyes filled with desperation.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not believing you—I should have never listened to anyone other than you. I’m sorry I called you those things—it was uncalled for and I feel horrible and awful for ever saying anything like that to you. I’m sorry for yelling at you—you didn’t deserve it. And I am so sorry for ever hurting you in anyway. There is absolutely no excuse for how I treated you or any of what I did.” He spills to you and takes a deep, shaky breath before continuing. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, hell I don’t even deserve you. I love you so fucking much and the thought of losing you or you ever being with someone other than me scares me shitless and when I saw that picture I freaked out and over reacted. I need you. I need you so badly and I can’t see myself with anyone else ever and I don’t want this to be the end of us. So please, please, forgive me for being an asshole and childish and stupid. Please?”

And as the last word leaves his mouth a single tear slowly rolls down his cheek, and that’s all the assurance you need to know that he meant every single word he just said. You reach up and brush your thumb across his cheek bone, wiping away the tear before pulling his head down and kissing him. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him.

You finally break away from him. “I love you.” You say burying your face in his chest.

“I love you too,” He responds instantly, kissing the top of your head, “So much.”

You stood there in his arms for a while longer until his phone vibrating in his pocket got irritating. He let go of you but immediately took your hand and led you back to the bus where Danny and Alex were waiting.

“I am so sorry.” Danny blurts as you sit across from him. “I feel really bad about being a jerk.”

“It’s all good.” You nod and smile.

“Were you serious about the hate blog?” He asks getting a disapproving look from Alex.

“Yeah,” You say quietly, trying not to think about all the harsh things they said about you on it. “You guys have some very mean fans out there.”

He puts his arm around you and pulls closer to his side, “Nothing they say about you is true though. You’re beautiful and amazing and no amount of bitchy fans will ever change that.”

You smile and lean into him, his words comforting you like no one else’s could. As long as he thought that about you, nothing anyone else said mattered.

You were so content sitting there in his warm arms, breathing in his scent that you barely noticed as you slowly fell asleep with your head on his shoulder.

So it’s like this: Everything’s fine.